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Reflecting on life lately...as the only survivor in my family - who just turned 74 - and wondering: how do old folks you know celebrate their birthdays, when they are now going it alone?

I used to do volunteer visits for my church at a local nursing home, and often saw that people's birthdays were made a big deal of...but I was never sure if the efforts of the staff significantly affected the residents I visited; seemed like it was just another facility event, in their view, for the most part.

Most old people who have no local family do spend their last years in such places, or live all alone, it seems like.

So I'm not sure what I'm asking about. Just want your reflections on how people you have known honor their life stories as they turn another year older, even while their loved ones have all passed on, or are otherwise gone? Something we all need to become good at, I suppose!

Good morning Superesse!

I’m going to be following this thread. My birthday is near and I find that while I would ideally love to have my birthday be in beautiful nature with loved ones - sometimes the case is that I may end up alone. I want to own that and still cherish and feel good on that day even if that’s the case. Thank you for asking this question. I, too, want to see the ways people manage this particular thing. I understand reasons for spending our birthdays alone change as we experience different stages in life and as we grow older. My current scenario of (potentially) being alone on my birthday at some point is due to loved ones being in different states. I can’t imagine the feeling of being the only survivor amongst loved ones ♥️ that sounds incredibly painful. I’m so sorry.

May I ask when your birthday is?

[This message edited by maise at 1:05 PM, Friday, March 28th]

Hey maise, you're welcome! I posted that on my birthday yesterday.

We're waiting, y'all..... ☺️

Super— happy birthday! Hope you did something special for yourself.

It’s a good question. The seniors I know make plans with friends - even something small.
I celebrate myself on my birthday — a cupcake, some flowers, a pedicure or massage or something.

I am lucky to have friends who also acknowledge and celebrate, so I am lucky that way. And i have two older brothers and usually at least one of them remembers my birthday. Social media is also a big boost —the dozens and dozens of message I get from friends and acquaintances feels good. As does the birthday thread down in Fun and Games here (that used to have more traffic- not sure why it doesn’t anymore.)

Hope you enjoyed your day and we’re lucky to have you as part of our SI collective :-)

Happy Birthday Supresse hope you had a day just honoring yourself and still being here living life! I hope I make it to your age. They say it is an honor to grow to an older age.

I have celebrated quite a few birthdays alone since leaving my xWS because my birthday either falls on a workday and kids are at my ex's. My parents live far away and sometimes friends are busy that day. I usually get myself something I really like to eat and watch a good movie!

Thank you both, BearlyBreathing and crazyblindsided!!!

It was different this year, for sure. Not bad, just....we need to honor ourselves as you two said! And I did that for the most part. (Mental gymnastics sometimes necessary!)

It was different because my dear Aunt (my late mother's half sister), who will turn 90 in June, had lost her husband (my uncle) last year and it was decided then that she needed to move to assisted living for the future. (She's ironically not really thrilled to have to do this now, as my Uncle was a hoarder in his later life after retirement which drove her crazy for decades; then after he died, her 6 children came from all over the country to help her clean out his junk...and now the house is all hers, 2 stories full of her and my cousins' life memories, and yet, it's not safe for her to stay there by her lonesome! Her closest kids live 10 and 20 miles away and she already had a seriously bad fall in the bathtub last year and almost broke a bone.

So on Monday she called me by accident as she was speed dialing (she has lost a lot of her vision due to diabetes) and we had a great little chat. I thanked her for her sweet St. Patrick's Day card she had sent with her own hand, and reminded her this week would be my birthday coming (hint hint) and she said "Oh! I have your card at my (assisted living) apartment already, but right now I'm at the house with the kids here, as we are cleaning it out readying it to be sold, so it might not get there for your day!" I told her we'd probably talk on Thursday (but my cousin didn't ring and for some reason she didn't either...) It was truly a harbinger of things to come I guess, as at least I did get to talk to her and she's fine and I love her and she loves me. This is a woman who has NEVER FAILED FOR 40 years to mail me a birthday card. Nobody does that anymore!

When I was divorced at age 31, homeless and had no family nearby, she it was who I could count on to send me a cheerful little card to a post office box I'd rented. To her, I was still that young baby girl she held on her knee...she helped me through a life transition she will never even know how much it meant. I have ALWAYS cherished the relationship, distant as we have been all these years geographically. But old age is catching up to her and I have to accept that. And no card this year...yet. Except I got a card from my financial advisors, and 3 Happy birthday texts, from my dentist, my endodontist, an eye doctor I haven't seen in 10 years....whee, getting old brings us a different crowd of "friends" doesn't it?

So what did I do for my big day? H and I took turns shoveling 2 tons of turkey litter compost off a 12 foot dump trailer and spread it along some of my long flower beds. Amazing because he NEVER LIKES TO GARDEN. He also tilled it in last evening with his last energy. We ran out of time to go out to dinner and so we had a simple pizza. It was actually a great gift from him, for once he did something to really help me reach my Spring gardening goal, to get the garden ready to plant. I have felt helpless for years here with the amount of work I'm trying to accomplish in my old age. He always would get a present or three, which I never really wanted or needed but that is how he's always thought to celebrate. For some reason this year he "got the message" that I'm looking for some teamwork so I don't have to sell the farm. Humility is a virtue he is really working on and I need to do the same. :)

P. S. he got me the cutest card in the morning "from our 2 German Shepherd dogs." An old German Shepherd looking kinda woebegone with white frosting smudged on its nose, walking to the camera with his tongue trying to lick it off so you don't see it....and you open the card and it has a little note "Due to technical difficulties your cake will be postponed to next year..." Oh yeah, GUILTY!!! :) It was too real. And I showed it to our boy dog who just had his 2nd birthday and he wanted to eat the card AND the envelop!

Here's an existential question or theological quiz if you prefer: if our parents die, do they still remember birthdays where they may be now? I just had the idea that maybe they do. We just can't see them smiling.

My MIL is alone now for going on8 years this next week. She has a great network of friends and they often take her out.
Since her sweet sweet spouse passed we have done a .much better job of remembering her day and since hers and mine are 3 days apart generally do a big meal with the whole family or as many as we can pull together.
I do think our loved ones remember. For the first few years after my Gran who I loved more than any other adult in my life I got winks she was there. The strongest waking to her smell and feeling of holding her hand with her wrinkles and her funky thumbnail that we always teased her about.

Happy Birthday Superesse!!!!

I am glad you had a nice day with your H. And I hope you have beautiful flower gardens this year and that you are surrounded with beauty and peace and joy. And I am so happy for you that your H helped you do something you enjoy.
May you have many more happy birthdays.