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For those of you who went through with divorce, what were those last moments that you had with your WS? Just before your divorce was final and immediately after? Was there a kiss, a hug, a wave, a moment that stays with you? Was it sad, happy, weird? If you could relive those moments, would you want to, would you change anything? Was that the last time you saw your WS?

[This message edited by icangetpastthis at 2:56 AM, Friday, March 28th]

I’m wondering this same thing,as I’m going through a divorce.We’re married 24 years and together for 37 years. I found out 2 years ago that my wife was cheating on me for 2 years and she blew up our lives and is now living with her boyfriend. I filed for divorce a year ago and she finally was forced to turn in her paperwork to start the process. I haven’t seen her in over a month ,she’s to ashamed to face me and look into my eyes and see what she’s done. I think about when it’s all over what will be the last thing she says to me,or will she say nothing at all. What ever happens I don’t think I will ever get closure.

Mine took the cowardly way out, and it was just fine by me because it avoided what you are talking about.

Ex was to move out the last weekend of the month.

I came home from work one day mid-month and all his stuff (and some of mine!) was gone. He had folks lined up to come do it while I was at work.

He never said a word about it (was doing ihs).

This was exactly in line with his character.

How did I feel? Relief and peace. Yes it was sad and I mourned the end of that chapter but I knew it was for the best.

I planned my out meticulously. We were IHS for a year he saw me packing, commented on how it hurt him and we were basically roommates until I left. I had my mom there the day I left in case he made things difficult. He told my mom that I was a difficult person to live with ha what a joke. We had a really weird stare right before I left. We both did have tears in our eyes, but there was nothing left. I had nothing to work with. He is a disordered person and I had to save myself.

While separated he harrassed me and lovebombed me. This pushed me even further down the road to D. I began to realize I loved being away from him. I loved the peace of mind. No more mind games or emotional abuse. I spent a year in a half working on myself then met my new partner. That's when xWS began stalking me and driving by my house threatening to confront my new partner. Said I was still his wife which technically on paper I was. That's when I decided to make it official and file for D. I no longer wanted to be HIS wife.

The last time I saw xWS was at my son's HS graduation but he didn't see me. We are no contact by my choice as he makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't want to hear anymore manipulation, guilt trips or anything from him.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:27 PM, Friday, March 28th]

I'm in limbo and have no answers, but thought I'd pop in here to say I've wondered this too. Seeing this question hit me so hard, like a wall of unfathomable grief that I don't know if I'd survive it. The thought of those final moments feels like a death, but so very complicated because I don't HAVE to face. This is one of the reasons I stay in limbo, this thought alone.

For me, it was a nod and slight wave. I think I said have a nice life, but don't remember. Then I went to the car and cried when I knew he was gone. He had treated me so poorly for the last 10-15 years that the A stomped the last of the love out of my heart for him. Even though we each went to IC, he didn't change.

The last time I saw him was at H&R Block when we filed our last tax return together. Well, and I saw him from my window when he was walking over to go visit a relative.

No, I wouldn't change anything. There's no way I would want him to touch me, be it a kiss, a hug or a handshake.

Bump by request

His last words as I slowly shut the front door and left him alone on the front porch with his remaining things . . .

'Are you mad at me?'

His last words as I slowly shut the front door and left him alone on the front porch with his remaining things . . .

'Are you mad at me?'

Mommy?

Could not resist completing the sentence.

But guess it was the kind of ending I expected from hearing your story.

Good thing is you weren’t a mommy, just babysitting a spoiled brat with no respect for you, others or even himself

When DD#2 happened, I wanted nothing more than to be divorced, as fast as possible. That process took 4-5 months, and there was nothing significant about signing the documents or the day the divorce became final. Everything was done via electronic signature so I never had to see WXH.

Two moments in the divorce process stand out to me. One is the last time I saw him in person, which was about six weeks after DDay and six weeks into the D process. We agreed to meet for dinner for some reason, and he acted like a petulant toddler for most of the meal. At one point he got so angry with something I said that he got up and started to leave, and I said to him in my sternest voice "Sit down and stop throwing a tantrum!" (which he did).

The last time I saw him in any form (on video) was during our Zoom divorce mediation. We were in separate Zoom breakout rooms, but at one point the mediator told me WXH asked if we could all be on the same screen, and I agreed. That lasted about ten minutes, and during that time WXH was angry, arrogant, and was obnoxiously rude to my attorney. We went back to separate virtual rooms, and later the mediator said to me, "things are getting pretty hot over there (in the other virtual room). Feels like anything could set this guy into orbit at any moment."

Both of these experiences were incredibly stressful at the time but validated my decision to D, and when the moment came that the D was final, I felt nothing but overwhelming relief and freedom. I don't wish anything had been different (except perhaps not having agreed to have that last dinner with him!).

[This message edited by Arnold01 at 7:38 PM, Wednesday, April 22nd]

We're coparenting, and he comes to the door to pick up/drop off our kid, so I still see him about once a week. When I moved the last of my stuff out of the house, it was basically an awkward good-bye because he'd started dating someone already (which is what precipitated the move). The D won't be final for a few more months, and we still communicate to deal with separating accounts and such. At some point, I imagine we'll end up with little to no contact, after our kid is grown and out in the world, but it's more likely to be a slow fade than a moment of farewell.

I remember the last time when he picked up the last of his stuff. It absolutely gutted me and I cried so hard. Even in his LTA and lots of work travel for us both including being in different states for 8 months, we spoke every single day. That was a hard habit to break.

We still had to talk about insurance things from the wildfire, and at first each call was a weird mix of liking talking to him (familiarity), sadness when the call ended, and then a nasty hangover. This resolved over time to where now I am slightly annoyed when I need to talk to him (maybe 2 times per year).

I have only seen him once since a year or so after we split, and then it was after a few more years. He was in a restaurant with some mutual friends. I saw the friends and it was not until I was hugging them that I realized he was standing there. I just didn’t even recognize him. I had thought I would "know" when I was in his proximity, but nope. He was a stranger to me.

Funny how those really big moments sometimes fade so much - they really weren’t all that big at all. Just felt like it at the time.

The only thing I would change is to have not bounced back and forth a couple times over a year before splitting for good. Should have been done with him the first time. 🤷‍♀️. I did the best I could at the time.

The last words my exWW spoke to me were "I had to pay $200 for new brakes on the car". Until just recently I wondered what was behind the words.

Background - It was over 40 years ago. I was young and naive. She cheated on me, turned stone cold, refused to discuss what was wrong and eventually moved out to "find herself". She filed for divorce a couple weeks later. I was very close to her mother who treated me like a son. I stayed in touch with my mother in law throughout the divorce process. She helped me get through it all and gave me valuable advice in helping me to move on. I started rebuilding my life. I met someone and started dating. We took it slow. About 6 months after my ex walked out, a few weeks before the divorce would be finalized I got a call from her. She wanted some of her grandmother's knitted stuff that she had left behind when she moved out. I didn't want her back at our condo so I offered to bring it to her. She didn't want me where she was living. We agreed to meet that Saturday morning at her workplace parking lot which would be empty then. Saturday morning I loaded up the car and drove to the parking lot with my girlfriend as we were going into the city that day and the parking lot was on the way. I parked and soon she drove up. I got out of the car as she was approaching. She parked next to me and got out of her car. I told her I had brought everything she asked for and proceeded to put it all in the back of her car. I did not say anything else nor did I introduce my girlfriend who remained in my car. When the stuff was loaded I asked how she had been. And that's when she spoke those final words - "I had to pay $200 for new brakes on the car". I remember how confused I was by that response. I replied something like "Oh, sorry to hear that". She didn't ask how I was doing so after a short silence I said something like "take care", got into my car and drove off to the city with my girlfriend. As I pulled away I could see her starting to cry in the rear view mirror. That was the last time I ever laid eyes on her.

It wasn't until very recently that I came to understand what had actually played out that day. She didn't care about her grandmother's knitting. It had been sitting in the back of the closet all of the time we lived in the condo and she had never once mentioned it. She used it as an excuse. What she wanted was to see was if I might still be a backup plan. Because of my conversations with her mother my ex had to have known I had started dating and was moving on. I think it shook her up to see me there with my girlfriend. The $200 repair bill was a gambit she had planned. Would I bail her out? Her affair partner was gone by then or she wouldn't have let me know that $200 was that big of a deal. But seeing me there with my girlfriend, unintroduced, me treating her as coldly as she had treated me threw her off her game. My neutral "sorry to hear that" comment along with no offer to help answered any question she had about me being a backup plan. When I asked how she had been a normal response would have been "OK", "pretty good" or something similar. Answering "not so good" would have been admitting that maybe she had made a mistake. So the $200 comment just came out. She didn't ask how I was doing because it would have hurt her to hear me answer that question truthfully. I was doing pretty damn good.