DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:53 PM on Saturday, March 8th, 2025
On Monday it will be the first anniversary of my brothers passing.
How has it been a year already?
Why does it feel like it just happened yesterday?
I know I havent allowed the full grieving to happen. I really don't know how. It still feels like a practical joke. Something my brother was well known for doing.
One of his friends reached out to me asking if we could all get together and of course I said yes. We've arranged a memorial/birthday party (since he passed a week before his birthday).
The kids are on March break so it makes that easier to do.
The "firsts" after a death are so damn hard. A few months from now it will be my dad's anniversary.
Last year just sucked. One of our family friends attended 13 funerals including my brother and dad. 13!!!
How do you manage the firsts? I've been so busy with things that it's been easier to put that stuff to the back of my mind.
Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:12 PM on Saturday, March 8th, 2025
{{Hugs}}
You get through it as best you can. Give yourself grace and acknowledge that the firsts (and seconds and thirds) are tough. Spend time remembering them or stay so busy you don't have time to think. It's ok to be sad and cry, or to be happy and laugh.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:28 PM on Saturday, March 8th, 2025
It’s so odd, grief. But it is beautiful in its own way too. So accept the full spectrum of joy, sadness, loss, laughter and everything else that comes along. Because your brother possessed all those feelings, too. We had a memorial for my mom at the one year mark, and it was really cathartic. Right after she died we were in shock. Now we could fully embrace our memories and love for her without being overwrought or unable to appreciate all the love in the room.
This is when you can truly make it a celebration of life. Embrace that.
And yes, the sharpness of the feelings dim over time, and the memories of sadness recede toward the back and the feelings of love and gratefulness move to the forefront. Still sad, but that stops overpowering all the wonderful feelings toward your loved one.
I’m glad you will all be getting together for this. Your brother must have been one heck of a great guy.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:47 AM on Sunday, March 9th, 2025
Thank you both.
My brother was the life of the party, a joker and always there if you needed help.
His passing hurt so many people.
I imagine it will be a long time before things don't feel so empty.
Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.
zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 4:41 PM on Sunday, March 9th, 2025
My heart goes out to you and your family suffering two big losses in such a short period of time. I love the idea of a celebration/remembrance at the one year anniversary.
Hugs to all going through the grieving process.
"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."
D-day April 2010
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:53 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2025
I’m sorry for your loss of your brother.
Please try to honor the day with some humor or joy in memory of your brother.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
