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General :
Hello everyone.

helpless

 Foolsparadise (original poster new member #85183) posted at 10:23 AM on Sunday, October 27th, 2024

Hello everyone.

It's been 4 months since I have seperated from my husband. I don't regret leaving the house. I don't have any kid.

I am pretty sure I am not going back. But the complete and utter loss of the love, the companionship, the power of having a house of my own is all lost.

I still love him and he has been outstanding throughout the relationship. Just that last couple of years he changed and started the affairs and behaviour also changed. Yet he tried to complete all his responsibilities towards me.

But what he did was not a mistake. It's a crime- exposing me to physical ( STD), social and psychological trauma. So I decided to leave.

But due to the previous good actions of his. And general life, I don't know how to put it. I miss him. I miss the house, my things... I keep crying at odd triggers.

Just sharing. Don't know when will I get out of this.

I do find support here in this group.

Thank you for being there.

Life was a fool's paradise.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2024   ·   location: India
id 8852287
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WoodThrush2 ( member #85057) posted at 2:06 PM on Sunday, October 27th, 2024

The pain is completely normal. You had an attachment bond. So sorry. Does he want to reconcile? Or are you both set on divorce?

posts: 63   ·   registered: Jul. 29th, 2024   ·   location: New York
id 8852295
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 2:16 PM on Sunday, October 27th, 2024

Hello to you, and sending my best wishes that your tears will soon cease. You are amazing! He did not deserve you. Yes, he had nice things to offer. You are worth more than any of those things you left, please keep telling yourself this.

posts: 2207   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8852297
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 Foolsparadise (original poster new member #85183) posted at 4:22 PM on Sunday, October 27th, 2024

Hi woodthrush2-

No he didn't and still doesn't want a divorce... Why would he? It's me who knows I have to seperate. Just hurting a lot.

Thanks for your support. Love this platform.

Life was a fool's paradise.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2024   ·   location: India
id 8852304
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 Foolsparadise (original poster new member #85183) posted at 4:24 PM on Sunday, October 27th, 2024

Hi Superesse

Thanks a ton for your support. Hope I overcome this trauma soon. It's hurting my old mom and it kills me to see her sad.

Life was a fool's paradise.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2024   ·   location: India
id 8852305
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:41 PM on Sunday, October 27th, 2024

You have suffered a trauma and your feelings will overwhelm you at times. It is normal and to be expected but it still hurts.

Have you thought about some professional therapy? It can help you figure out the major decisions you need to make.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14253   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8852310
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 Foolsparadise (original poster new member #85183) posted at 9:45 AM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Hello
I haven't taken counselling. It's not such a trend in India so ..

Life was a fool's paradise.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2024   ·   location: India
id 8852342
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 4:33 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

You're a very strong person and I admire you for refusing to tolerate infidelity.

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1548   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8852372
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DobleTraicion ( member #78414) posted at 9:51 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

So sorry youre facing this. Of course you miss him, or the "him" you thought he was. Soul ties and the attached emotions take a long while to diminish.

Are you in IC? Do you have close & trusted friends and/or family members you can confide in? You need people on "Team Foolsparadise". Dont tough it out or go it alone.

Strength to you.

"You'd figure that in modern times, people wouldn't feel the need to get married if they didn't agree with the agenda"

~ lascarx

posts: 420   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: South
id 8852408
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PinkBerry ( new member #85144) posted at 12:57 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2024

Of course you miss him. You loved/love him. But he wasn't loving towards you, he was happy to put you in harm's way.

It will take time to adjust, for your heart to catch up with your head in accepting that your life wasn't what you thought it was. I have found that the hardest part to get aligned. I thought "this", but it was really 'that'.

posts: 41   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2024
id 8852424
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Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 4:41 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2024

I sorry that you're struggling.

I agree with everyone else that you will get used to your new normal.

One day at a time.

Hugs to you

"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.

posts: 5543   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2016   ·   location: a happy place
id 8852434
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 8:56 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2024

Do you have a good group of friends or a few people who are supporting you right now?

In real life you need to be able to talk about this. It will help you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14253   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8852446
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 Foolsparadise (original poster new member #85183) posted at 4:50 PM on Friday, November 1st, 2024

Thank you all for your response.

I do have my mom(76) and brother.
I have aunts and a goodie bestie friend to talk to. That's why not going to counselling.

But can't overburden my mom. And I feel you people understand and feel the core of it all. So I love sharing here.

I had a late marriage so it feels like I have lost something because my team member let me down. I still love him. I cry at the beautiful moments and the very lost and broken "happily ever after" of mine.

I am searching for a job to get busy n start earning.

But fate is cruel.

Will write soon.

Life was a fool's paradise.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2024   ·   location: India
id 8852806
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