Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: SurvivingChapter7

Off Topic :
friendship labels

Topic is Sleeping.
question

 little turtle (original poster member #15584) posted at 7:50 PM on Tuesday, July 18th, 2023

Hello wise SI members!

I have been struggling with this for quite some time and recently it has gotten harder. I feel like it's a very silly thing to be struggling with and therefore don't really want to address it. I'm embarrassed that it's an issue, but it's not going away. duh

I typed out a whole background and deleted it... it boils down to this... how do you handle having more than one close/best friend? How to handle feelings of hurt when your friend posts about her best friend on social media?

Feeling like the Other Woman and I don't know how to handle it. sad

♥ little turtle

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5633   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8799899
default

Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 10:08 PM on Tuesday, July 18th, 2023

No advice but I know exactly what you mean! And it does hurt. I get it.

Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again

Staying together for the kids

D-day 2010

posts: 6490   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 8799934
default

 little turtle (original poster member #15584) posted at 3:24 AM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

Thanks, DF. I feel better to know I'm not alone and that you can relate.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5633   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8799970
default

BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:10 AM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

I totally get what you are saying. I feel like I have a couple best friends but I am not their best friends. They have other friends who are truly their ride or dies whereas I am just a very very good friend. It hurt for quite a bit. But then I realize that I have lots of friends of different levels and that I am still lucky to have any of them in my life. And it made me wonder if I am another friend’s BF even though I think of her a very very very good friend. In the end, labels don’t help. Just embrace the love and friendship and realize what good taste in friends you have that they have so many other friends.

And don't be embarrassed. Infidelity made us suspect relationships and it’s weird to share friends. It feels a little unsafe. But it’s okay. We are still amazing :-)

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6233   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8799974
default

 little turtle (original poster member #15584) posted at 1:39 PM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

it’s weird to share friends. It feels a little unsafe.

Yes! I think this is a big part of it. Secretly, maybe I'm worried that since I'm not her best friend publicly, she may vanish. Even though the label doesn't really matter. And it's very unlikely for that to happen. I know I'm important to her, even if she doesn't tell anyone else. Now to figure out how to accept this and simply enjoy the moments I have with all of my friends... laugh

Bearly, how did you get to that realization?

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5633   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8799994
default

zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 4:49 PM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

"In the end, labels don’t help. Just embrace the love and friendship and realize what good taste in friends you have that they have so many other friends."

^^^ This!!!

I think when people call someone their best friend on social media they are going to intentionally or unintentionally hurt somebody's feelings. If someone wants to express those feelings to a friend, why not do it privately in a text or a card?

The label really does not matter. I had a friend for many hears who was always telling me I was her best friend and we were going to still be best friends when we were old blah blah blah. We went through a lot together. I helped her get out of a bad marriage and helped her on moving day and paid for some of her expenses. Guess who dropped me and no longer wanted anything to do with me when she no longer needed me? So much for best friends.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3681   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8800036
default

BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:22 PM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

Turtle, I actually brought this up in therapy. I felt like I didn’t belong. It hurt.
But the facts show me that my friends care deeply about me, and they include me.
I was not be ostracized or left out. I think it ties to my abandonment issues and fear of being dumped/betrayed.

And also I realized that I loved them. I love my friends. And it might be a little lopsided. But that’s okay. And I love that they all (mostly) get along with each other. There are two that don’t really get along that well and that sometimes complicates things. So I realized that it is even luckier when they all get along.

You sound like such a caring person. I am sure your friends love you. And maybe they just have quite a few BFFs, including you. :-)

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6233   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8800073
default

Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 1:29 AM on Thursday, July 20th, 2023

This is a great subject that I have seen this play out with my W. She has a friend that they talk several times a day, but haven't seen each other physically in a year. Then we have a neighbor they see each other 4-5 times a week and visit and hang out together. These are both her best friends, the one friend is another trainer so they talk workouts and clients all day, the neighbor is a mom so they talk about kids and family, all of them are important in their part of her life.

I haven't shared here yet but will real soon, my Son has been in the hospital for 3 months, my W has been there with him this whole time, she has met another mom with a child in a long term stay. They spend a lot of time together helping each other and going to lunch or dinner, she has known this lady 2 months and I dare say right now, today, is her best friend. Friends come and go in these seasons.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3607   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8800117
Topic is Sleeping.
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20241206b 2002-2024 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy