So I was the person that a prior poster alluded to that pulled myself out of infidelity and changed ME and my situation.
Brief summary. 4 year EA (that I knew about the entire time) that he refused to admit to it stop. It finally ended and was rugswept.
15 years later it’s now the mid life crisis affair with a much younger (single) OW. And this time I went from dday1 to impending D in 10 days.
I had no money. Kids, house with a mortgage I cannot afford, a toxic boss who was abusive and now my CH is giving me crap.
My plan was to hang in 90 days to get some $ in my account. It was tough going.
But I got up 90 days. And now I’m getting played like a yo-yo. He wants a D. Then he doesn’t. A week later he’s not sure what he wants.
So while I’m working my butt off thinking we are R he’s still cheating.
During this time, I financially protected myself, changed the life insurance policies do he could not change beneficiary and I had an amazing counselor. And a few good friends who supported me.
Brings us to dday2.
I very calmly tell my H on dday2 "I am D you. I’m sorry it has come to this but you have left me with no other choice. You are free to be with the OW or anyone else you please". And I left the room.
Plan to D right after holidays were over (3 weeks).
He’s begging to R. I’m a strong "hell no". Finally yo shut him up I demanded a post nup. He willingly signed.
I saw a change. I decided to give it 30 days. First time I saw remorse from him. All his other flirty behavior stopped.
And 9 years later we are happily R. But I made serious changes and I take no crap. He knows I will walk out the door in a heartbeat. No questions asked.
My peace and happiness are now my top priority.
But it took me putting on the bitch boots and a wake up call for it to happen. I stopped being a doormat. I stopped caring about "why" he cheated. I stopped making excuses. I stopped tolerating his chronic lateness and disrespect and flirty behavior.
Sadly I did not know about SI during his last affair. I made all the classic mistakes. But in 6 months I changed the dynamics. And I learned it all the hard way.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 5:50 PM, Sunday, November 27th]