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Newest Member: PMSandvig

Off Topic :
Looks like I lost my only remaining friend

Topic is Sleeping.

Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 3:15 PM on Tuesday, January 10th, 2023

And adding to what MIGander has said, we FULLY expect change to be two steps forward, a step sideways, etc. Change is not necessarily linear and we don't expect anyone to be fully healed in 3 months.

What we DO want to see is commitment to change and investing in that change. It's so very obvious you could benefit from IC. Your professional skills also need improvement, but more importantly, that negative self-talk in your head needs to shut up. And IC will help you stifle it for good.

I've asked you multiple times: What is keeping you from seeking help? Not your parents, not your brother . . . what is keeping YOU from seeking help.

In my opinion, that is the first hurdle that needs to be cleared. You need to get past the gating issue that has kept you where you are all this time.

So, think about this and maybe answer it for us. It would give us a starting point for feedback and give you an opportunity to open up to a lot of different opinions.

After all, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. And maybe you're comfortable with that. Maybe martyrdom is a wardrobe staple. But it sure as hell isn't the kind of life worth living.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 8772744

WalkinOnEggshelz ( Administrator #29447) posted at 11:38 AM on Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

Migander, you have a pm.

If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 16686   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Anywhere and everywhere
id 8772875

ZenMumWalking ( Guide #25341) posted at 4:34 PM on Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

tjg - can you ask yourself if you are enjoying this drama at some level? Or is it rather causing you anxiety and stress?

If you want things to be different for you, you need to WANT to change. Everything can be looked at from multiple perspectives. Try to find a perspective that works for you.

You may get advice that you feel is more helpful to you if you come with not only vents (that we all have at some time or another) but also with questions regarding what you can say or change about yourself.

Change. Is. Hard. But if you are willing to put in some effort I think you will find it gratifying.

Have you tried keeping a journal or workbook? When one of these unpleasant instances happens, write down what it was, how you might have contributed to the situation, what you were trying to achieve, and how you might have gone about things differently to achieve that aim. These will give you things to think about in your path toward a new, more satisfying life.

I agree with the others that you could benefit from IC. I'm not sure why you don't take advantage of that, but think about it.

You might also consider seeing a psychiatrist for therapy rather than a psychologist, since a psychiatrist is a medical doctor they can prescribe medication to you if appropriate (whereas a psychologist cannot).

Hang in there tjg, and keep us posted on your journey. I understand you feel like you keep getting slammed, but what I see is hard-won advice coming from a place of love and caring.

Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now

posts: 8533   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2009   ·   location: EU
id 8772932

Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:32 PM on Wednesday, February 1st, 2023

As you know, TJG, I work in educational publishing. Recently, I ran across a very interesting article on LinkedIn from McGraw Hill. It talked about how you, as an individual teacher, can be a force for change in tackling an adverse teaching work environment.

I can't link it here. You can find it on LinkedIn (you would need to follow McGraw Hill, which you should be anyway as it shows your interest in professional development and your profession in general). It's by a woman named Dana Garth, who is a teacher.

Here is an excerpt from the forward matter:

Unfortunately, many teachers and staff members enter into an unhealthy school culture. Some choose to leave a school, but a lot cannot relocate due to various reasons. How can you not only survive but thrive in an unhealthy school culture?

I hope you can find the article and take something good away from it.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 8775634
Topic is Sleeping.
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