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Divorce/Separation :
Terms of the Marital Separation Agreement

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Catwoman (original poster member #1330) posted at 7:57 PM on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

I'm long divorced, but one of the terms of our MSA was that my ex's grandmother's dining room furniture go to CatKid2. I had no problem with this at all. It was his grandmother's and it should stay with his family. At the time, he was pretty transient (moved 5 times in 8 years that I am aware).

CatKid2 lives out here and is being married in June. They're saving for a house, so I thought the dining room would be ideal to go to them now. Also, I'm relocating and don't want to move something when I can purchase where I end up.

CatKid2 doesn't want the dining room. Since her father told me in 2016 that he never wants to have anything to do with me ever again, I'm not going to deal with him directly. I've asked her to let him know that she doesn't want the furniture and to let me know how he would like to deal with it. Time is short at this point, but she is also conflict avoidant.

I have no problem taking the furniture with me, but I need to make that decision within a few days. I have no problem letting him have it, either. What I do NOT want to happen is for him to get a burr under his saddle blanket and decide to file a contempt claim because I didn't dispose of the furniture per the MSA. Do I think he will do that? Absolutely he would.

I feel guilty (but shouldn't) because I had offered CatKid2 to pay for a storage unit for 6 months (hopefully by that time they will have a house). If she doesn't want the furniture, she shouldn't be forced to have it. But I do feel that she needs to talk to her dad about her decision and let him know that I am amenable to whatever he wants to do with it. He has blocked me from contacting him, and he will not pick up a registered or certified letter from the post office if he knows it's from me. Even if he did pick it up, he probably wouldn't open it. He's very, very angry and bitter, still.

The one possibly course of action I could take on my own is to speak with his wife (not the OW) and have her approach it with him. We had a perfectly pleasant chat at one of CatKid2's bridal showers.

Would you do this? CatKid is 30 and should be capable of navigating this. But I'm afraid she won't. And I know he will do anything, still, to make my life difficult.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33092   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8738106
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 9:02 PM on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

With just a few days, your best route is just to take it with you and deal with it down the road. If you had a few months lead time, you could file a motion that states CatKid2 declined taking the table per MSA and therefore he has until x date to take over ownership of said dinner room set or it will be sold with the proceeds going to catkid2. He might not accept service, but when it would help short circuit his contempt claim. Whatever you do try to get and keep something in writing, email, or text to use when he throws his tamptrum.

posts: 1259   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8738118
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 9:35 PM on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

I think Grubs is right. I don't think you have a choice but take it with you and then back to court later.

You know your ex better than anyone. Don't give him anything to use against you.

Tbh, I did like the idea of speaking to current wife but I think that somehow/way that will backfire on you. It also speaks volumes that Catkid2 doesn't want to poke the bear either.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 680   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8738124
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 Catwoman (original poster member #1330) posted at 4:27 PM on Thursday, June 2nd, 2022

Well, I'm delighted to be proved wrong. CatKid2 did talk to her dad, and he doesn't want the dining room furniture. So, we're in the clear (unless he's lying) to take it with us.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33092   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8738223
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 1:22 AM on Friday, June 3rd, 2022

Miracles happen!

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4876   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8738313
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 1:23 AM on Friday, June 3rd, 2022

Well, I'm delighted to be proved wrong. CatKid2 did talk to her dad, and he doesn't want the dining room furniture. So, we're in the clear (unless he's lying) to take it with us.

Hopefully new wife will counter any impulse to be a vindictive asshole. Dining room sets are seldom worth any significant legal costs.

posts: 1259   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8738314
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 Catwoman (original poster member #1330) posted at 12:31 PM on Thursday, June 9th, 2022

Hopefully new wife will counter any impulse to be a vindictive asshole. Dining room sets are seldom worth any significant legal costs.

If he had wanted it, I would have made arrangements to be available so he could get it. That was never an issue. But I didn't want him to think that I would have denied CatKid2 the opportunity to have something he wanted her to have. I would never do that.

Overall, pretty pleased this has worked out, although I did have my eye on my seller's table, which is beautiful. Oh, well, this will work.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33092   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8739302
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 7:06 PM on Thursday, June 9th, 2022

So basically it’s CatKids2 to do what she wants with it?

Buying a house, doesn’t want it, won’t fit in her new house…
Rather than store it for any more time with the added cost and harassment then simply list it for sale. Better yet – have the CatKid do so. Might get some cash for the house-pot.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10815   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8739381
Topic is Sleeping.
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