** Posting as a human being with a lot of experience **
You say your CT session included the idea that you're sick of parenting your W.
Then you demonstrate that you're still trying to parent and control her.
I have little doubt that you've taken on the parent role in your M. I have little doubt that you try to control your W. I have little doubt that the 2 of you have cooperated to establish and maintain that dynamic.
What are you willing to do to change yourself?
You can't R without changing yourself. You won't be able to establish a full relationship with anyone unless you change yourself - D won't save you. You probably won't even be able to heal from this trauma without giving up your attempts to control outcomes.
JMO, of course.
Look, I know that d-day makes one question so very much about one's life. I know it attacks one's self-esteem, one's sense of manhood/womanhood, and one's sense of what makes a good life. You'll recover best if you build your self-esteem and sense of being a human being, but that's only part of your healing work.
You also need to look at yourself, figure out what illusions you maintain about life, give them up, and build new ideas about life that are closer to reality.
The best way to heal is to get real, and the realer you are, the more you can recover.
I think you're selling yourself out in order to maintain your sense of being in control.
I think you've filtered everything you've related about your W through your control/parent lens, so I have little sense that I know much about your Wife, despite all the words you've typed about her.
I have no idea whether you should R, S, or D.
My bet, however, is that your best hope for healing lies in giving up trying to control the outcome and getting real. Do those things, and you'll answer the D/S/R questions for yourself.
JMO, but I have a lot of experience....
Here's an exercise for you: instead of typing long posts, say what you want to say so a 6 year old would understand. Keeping it simple does a whole lot to sharpen one's mind and get to the core idea that you want and need to deal with.
You may think this post has a number of 2 X 4 elements in it, and that may be correct, though I'm not certain. I have thought very hard about posting this, and I have decided it's better posted than discarded.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:38 PM, Thursday, June 2nd]