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Newest Member: itspointless

Wayward Side :
"Cheated on" with multiple partners.

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 BrokenArrow06 (original poster new member #80288) posted at 8:10 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

I don't know where to begin and I'm not even sure if this counts because technically according to her we weren't actually together. But she acted like we were. I thought we were but I guess we didn't see it eye to eye even though I thought we were clear.

Anyways, we met the day after Christmas and really hit it off. Met online, but she came out to see me for a week the second week of January. She was looking to divorce her husband so already I knew this whole thing could get kind of dicey. Went for it anyways. She came out here. Tried to hookup up a guy out here but it didn't happen. While she was out here though she basically broke up with me after an argument and then was pissed that I didn't want to go to a bar with her. I went anyways, and after she made out with someone at the bar I got drunk on her dime, thought fuck it anyways. Almost got us in a bar fight with some other girl who actually sided with me, she said yeah you just broke up with him and are making out and flirting with other guys, no wonder he's sad and getting drunk alone.

We reconciled after that and things were alright or so I thought and she invited me down to Texas where she was from on Valentine's Day. I get down there thinking alright this is going to be great, we'll have a nice romantic night at this nice hotel, just the two of us and we can put all of this bullshit behind us. We go to a store and she refers to me as her friend and starts flirting with this guy and says to a few people that no we're not together. Later she calls her husband and they kind of seem like maybe they're going to work things out. Then she tells me that the day before he came over with the kids and they fucked and wanted to reconcile.

I was there for a week so I said whatever don't mope about shit just have a good time, and within a few days she decided she was done with him and moving forward with the divorce. We ended up hooking up and leaving on good terms and I thought okay yeah we're finally on the same page, we can make this work, we were even talking marriage and shit.

She comes back to see me for two weeks and things got a little rocky but we worked it out. Now I'm thinking we're technically together, but I guess she wasn't.

So I found out on Easter that she had hooked up with some guy she met at a bar who in my opinion kind of date raped her. She said she fell in love with him though. But it was a one time thing, he told her that. But she also told me she hooked up with a few other guys. Each time, she claims was because we got in a fight or something and/or she was drunk and just did it. Friends, random guys, facebook adds. She claims she's really picky, but if she's gonna let random dudes fuck her bareback, I don't see that as very picky. Also gave a blowjob to a drug dealer felon after I was being sweet to her on the phone. She puts herself in dangerous situations and then fucks these guys and blames it on me, or alcohol, or just being blacked out sober or something.

So I've been kind of stunned since Easter. I wanted to reconcile it. But she had just gotten out of a psych ward the other day and she went up the the bar. We got in an argument and she told me "I warned you." So I figured it'd be bad news this morning.

And I was right. She hooked up with some other guy. She does all of this raw by the way, the only one she wanted to use a condom on was a methhead she wanted to fuck.

Anyways, I found out about her hookup last night and I don't know what to feel about it. I was devestated and numb at first, and then sad, and now I'm numb again.

She did tell me she would do that and I said yeah I'm walking into this with eyes open. But it still hurts. I've been cheated on in every relationship I've been in except for my last two, and I told her that I have severe trust issues over that. She's never been cheated on, and she doesn't get jealous so she has no idea where I'm coming from.

I go back and forth between being numb about it because I said whatever happens happens I know what I'm getting into and keeping emotions out of it, and the complete opposite; being hurt, jealous, paranoid, but mostly just feeling pissed at myself. I mean her too, but mostly at myself for not being someone worthy enough to be loyal too. As fucked up as that sounds. Before her I had very high confidence, and she's the only woman who actually made me doubt that. Made me feel like I'm lesser in some way. And I hate myself for it.

I hate that

1. I could ever get attached so hard, to be so vulnerable and susceptible to this kind of hurt.

2. That I'm starting in the first time in my life to doubt my worth. I have a physical disability and only once or twice has it been an issue with a girl and I just brushed it off. Same with any other physical aspect. Skin, height, body type, whatever, it never bothered me before this. But she straight up told me I'm not her physical type, and then she got mad when I was in my head fucking her the next time. No woman has ever shaked my confidence in myself that much, and I am jut pissed that I let that happen. But I'm also pissed that I've failed.

I take full responsibility for all of it though. If I was better, this would have never have happened.

I don't know, now I'm sad again even though I tried not to get too attached to her.

posts: 2   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2022
id 8734003
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 BrokenArrow06 (original poster new member #80288) posted at 8:14 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

It's hitting me hard again today. I think I was in shock at first, and emotions kind of come and go but I've read it can be like that. I was fine when I woke up, but as the day drags on I just keep thinking about her with these other guys and it's fucking killing me. I don't work today, so I don't really have any distractions but maybe that's better.

posts: 2   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2022
id 8734005
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asc1226 ( member #75363) posted at 8:32 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

She’s cheating on her husband and her boyfriend. Who knows, a couple of those guys, or other guys you’re unaware of, might claim she’s cheating on them too.

This will be your life as long as she’s in it.

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 444   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8734008
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LostOpportunities20 ( member #74401) posted at 8:50 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

Friend -

I know it is hard to detach once you have feelings for someone, but what you describe doesn't seem like it is going to be good for you.

She is putting it out there front and center for your to see - she is showing you who she is.

My advice is cut it off and search elsewhere.

BH (late 40s)
WW (late 40s) EA 2008, EA/probably PA 2009

Confessed the first, I caught her the second.

Filing for D

posts: 149   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2020
id 8734013
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Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 9:10 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

You re an AP posting in JFO. Not kosher in my book. Hopefully the mods will move this thread to a more appropriate place.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 9:12 PM, Friday, May 6th]

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3419   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8734014
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 11:16 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

But she also told me she hooked up with a few other guys. Each time, she claims was because we got in a fight or something and/or she was drunk and just did it. Friends, random guys, facebook adds. She claims she's really picky, but if she's gonna let random dudes fuck her bareback, I don't see that as very picky. Also gave a blowjob to a drug dealer felon after I was being sweet to her on the phone. She puts herself in dangerous situations and then fucks these guys and blames it on me, or alcohol, or just being blacked out sober or something.

So I've been kind of stunned since Easter. I wanted to reconcile it. But she had just gotten out of a psych ward the other day and she went up the the bar. We got in an argument and she told me "I warned you." So I figured it'd be bad news this morning.

And I was right. She hooked up with some other guy. She does all of this raw by the way, the only one she wanted to use a condom on was a methhead she wanted to fuck.

Brother I'm sorry that you're here but simply put my suggestion is you RUN as fast as you can from this trainwreck, do yourself a favor and end this farce before you catch a serious STD/STI if you haven't already (hopefully not, yet), make an appointment with your doctor and go get checked immediately, some STDs/STIs can remain dormant for years and early detection could help with treatment, there's absolutely NOTHING to salvage here, RUN the opposite direction like your pants are on fire !!!

[This message edited by Buster123 at 11:20 PM, Friday, May 6th]

posts: 2603   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8734025
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SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 11:53 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

  Moving to Wayward Side

posts: 10009   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 8734031
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 12:11 AM on Saturday, May 7th, 2022

Your story stretches the boundaries of reality. But assuming it is true, you need counseling desperately in order to provide you with the tools to choose a worthy partner. You had no business getting involved with a married woman and you certainly exhibit a complete lack of judgment when you decided to continue contact with this woman who is completely out of control and couldn't stay loyal to anyone for more than five minutes even if her life depended on it.

Get into counseling with someone who can set you straight and put you on a path of discovery and enlightenment. I suspect other parts of your life are anything but satisfactory. Concentrate on your career, studies, or whatever you do to support yourself.

Life is way too short to wallow in crap. This woman is total crap.

posts: 640   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8734035
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Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 12:16 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

I promise you that in 10 or 20 years you will look back with a sense of amused, detached indifference and scoff at how silly it was to be involved with this immature woman and be grateful you dodged a bullet. Break it off and focus on growing up and building a healthy future.

WS - remarried to BH but not in R

D-day 2010

posts: 6357   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 8734269
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morningglory ( member #80236) posted at 1:11 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Get therapy, to help build your confidence and your understanding of what is a real relationship. It's quite obvious that this one never was. You didn't lose anything here, because this woman is a total loser in terms of being a partner, for anyone (for you, for her husband, etc.) It has nothing to do with your disability and everything to do with her lack of interest in having a relationship and your lack of recognition that you were never in a relationship. Work on yourself with the help of a therapist so that you can choose a real and worthy partner next time. I hope things work out for you.

posts: 375   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8734277
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DoinBettr ( member #71209) posted at 2:53 PM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

This sounds like the wife cheated, the husband found out, then he made his ultimatum, and she filed because she knows she can't do it. Then she goes on sex rampage/self destruction mode, thinking she is "Finding Herself."
Yup, had 2 of my friends do this. 1 was the woman my wife was running around with when she cheated on me.
It is a pretty typical story. You aren't her boyfriend. You are just a F boy to her. She is going to continue to spiral downward until she starts to get some self respect. Right now she is focused on destroying her life because she feels she deserves to be punished. Lots of guilt for staying married when she should have filed instead of cheating and because she hurt her kids. My 2 friends, 1 of them is still a bit of a self centered mess but our kids are friends, the other cleaned her life up and actually is working on helping her ex-husband get his life together without her.
It is sad and why she drinks and does drugs to numb the pain. You can't save her. You need to see your self worth first and expect the people you date to add to your life, not drag it down. You also need to not go with married women. Wait until they are separated at a minimum. Especially if she has kids.

posts: 705   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8734518
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