It’s weird, I didn’t even know specific ‘male ego’ was a thing until discovery day.
I mean, of course I know about ego overall, and I thought mine was bullet proof against infidelity. Pre-infidelity, the world to me was — if someone cheats, you dust off, move the fuck on and hang out with someone else.
I had no idea.
There was a saying that’s been around a long time, but it really it hard after discovery:
Comparison is the death of joy.
It sure is.
During the A, our WS may have their collective heads in the clouds (or worse) and it’s THEIR EGO that needs the bullshit validation from someone else.
That’s great and may almost always be true, but it doesn’t make me FEEL better.
Being invisible during the A, being replaced, that’s as personal as it gets.
Is it time that heals those voices in your head?
We do eventually figure out we were the better man. We held our vows, we protected our family with the information we had.
Being the better, more honorable man doesn’t exactly equate to instant healing.
For me, I had to do what USMC boot camp did for me a million years ago.
They broke me down completely, in a different way than infidelity, but it’s kind of similar — and then they build recruits back up.
By the time I got out of boot camp, I knew there was no obstacle I couldn’t conquer. Ever.
Infidelity was the test I wasn’t looking for, but damn.
So, I had to build myself back up. I worked out, I focused on my health and welfare. I did things I am good at, I did things I loved.
And eventually, I realized there wasn’t anything I could do to stop my wife from cheating. There isn’t now.
But I know my value.
I’m fucking awesome.
I am the same badass I always was. Hell, I’m even stronger now after surviving this shit show.
My wife’s shitty choices DO NOT REFLECT on me in any way.
When you rebuild your value, and you know you will be fine, solo and dating again, married or in a cave away from humanity — those voices go away.
You were always enough, it was your WS who wasn’t enough to herself.
[This message edited by Oldwounds at 10:36 PM, Wednesday, October 13th]