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 Gendermale (original poster new member #78935) posted at 8:07 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

How long do yall keep checking phone records and emails? Everything looks normal. Just curious.

posts: 13   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2021
id 8675229

Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 8:10 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

In the beginning it was many times daily.

Over time I only do it when the bill comes. At times not even then. Depends on my mood.

What I do is save the .pdf of the bills. I can open and check if/when the mood strikes. And I sleep well knowing I have that option.

You do what makes you feel safe when you need to.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3296   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8675231

landclark ( member #70659) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

I’m two years out and check probably once every couple of months still. Mostly curious to see if his distant cousin AP has been trying to reach him after I told her to F off.

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 with TT through August
One child together, 3 stepchildren
Together 13.5 years, married 12.5 First EA was 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19.

posts: 1916   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8675255

Evertrying ( member #60644) posted at 9:12 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

I did it like a possessed detective for about a year. Then here and there after year two and now not ever. It's almost been 4 years since dday.

But my H has worked his ass off and we are reconciled. I think that if I still had to "check on him" after all this time, I should be checking into a divorce and not checking into his phone records or emails.

BS - 55 on dday
WH - 48 on dday
Dday: 9/1/17
Status: Reconciled

posts: 1203   ·   registered: Sep. 16th, 2017
id 8675257

WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:13 AM on Wednesday, July 14th, 2021

I did it like a possessed detective for about a year.

2 year possessed detective here, along with possessed googling of the many other women.

It stopped immediately when I left him. Felt like a thousand pounds just lifted off my back and I was skipping down the yellow brick road all light and joyful. I'll never forget that feeling.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4371   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8675340

Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 4:50 PM on Wednesday, July 14th, 2021

Did you ever do any of the things we recommended or read any of the books we listed?

Did your wife?

Being the marriage police is no way to live.

To recollect:

Get a couple of VARs and begin recording in her car and where she puts on makeup.

See an attorney so you at least understand divorce and separation and aren’t blindsided

Ask your WW to write down a timeline of the affair, a long narrative, and then tell her she will need to take a polygraph to verify the timeline.

Ask your WW to take an STD test. If she didn’t have sex, she should have no problem doing this. If she balks you have your answer

Tell her you need her to turn over her phone so you can run retrieval software on it. If she’s unwilling you have your answer.

Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing

Did she write a timeline? Have you scheduled a polygraph? STD test?

Did you read “How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair” or “No More Mr. Nice Guy”?

[This message edited by Thumos at 10:52 AM, July 14th (Wednesday)]

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH (me): 50, WW: 49 Married: Feb. 1996 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2:

posts: 4303   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8675470
Topic is Sleeping.
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