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Zobrist - Informing the Other Betrayed Spouse

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 Butforthegrace (original poster member #63264) posted at 2:00 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

Headlines today reporting on legal action commenced by MLB star Ben Zobrist arising from an A between his wife, Julianna, and a pastor at their church, Byron Yawn. Yawn insinuated himself into the Zobrist's life, including working for their charitable foundation (from which he allegedly took money) and providing marital counseling, which Ben sought because of perceived difficulties in the marriage (in hindsight, obviously the usual artifact of infidelity, where the WS convinces him- or herself that the BS is abusive or unworthy).

Ben found out when Yawn's BW told him. The cheaters were using burner phones and otherwise carefully covering their tracks.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 2:46 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

I saw that. I love that Zobrist is taking action, but there is a lot to unpack there. This pastor infiltrated his bed AND his career/reputation. Zobrist has already divorced his wife, but now he wants this OM to pay for the multiple violations. What a disgusting, vile human.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 8:47 AM, June 22nd (Tuesday)]

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5265   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8668861
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landclark ( member #70659) posted at 3:30 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

Good. I hope he wins.....

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 with TT through August
One child together, 3 stepchildren
Together 13.5 years, married 12.5 First EA was 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19.

posts: 1916   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8668875
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blahblahblahe ( member #62231) posted at 4:00 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

He has already won, I suspect the intent was to destroy both the X and the pastor.

Effectively he has unmasked both and exposed their hypocrisy since both are in the business of religion and sell themselves as something they clearly are not.

I would call this a "two-fer", or two birds one stone and no doubt will have an effect on alimony since he has filed in Tennessee.

He doesn't really need to win any cash, just filing has already shown his legal team knows exactly what they are doing.

posts: 298   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2018   ·   location: Europe and USA
id 8668883
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survrus ( member #67698) posted at 6:24 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

Wow lust and greed how many other deadly sins will come out in the investigation.

I was shocked when I was dating my W, she had become born again, we went to her sisters church and the pastor put his hands on her shoulders to congratulate her.

I knew it was a red flag at the time but didn't know how much of one as I had always thought well of preachers and priests.

posts: 1056   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2018   ·   location: USA
id 8668920
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Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 7:15 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

I saw this on Deadspin yesterday and I was completely floored. Also, I did some sleuthing, and it is really is true, they do affair down, not only in looks but in just moral character.

Myself - BH & WH - 35 years (05/24/1985)Her - BW & WW - 34 years (05/25/1986)

D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020

posts: 164   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2020   ·   location: Miami
id 8668933
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Dkt3 ( new member #75072) posted at 10:54 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

I believe people cheat with people who make them feel better about themselves.

I meet the Zobrists briefly at an event in 2015 when he played for Kansas City. He came off as genuine and her....?? Phoney.

When I read the article yesterday I thought to myself it makes sense she would engage with someone like that.

After I read the article I google her name and find videos of her, still very much wayward in the things she said while trying to inspire others...its kinda dangerous to have vulnerable people listening to her spill. Very little to no accountability in her words.

The odd thing about this situation is he filed for divorce under inappropriate behavior making it impossible for cohabitation, but he didn't even know about her affair at that time..or at least this one.

posts: 18   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
id 8668978
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 11:18 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

I have never been a fan of organized religion. Too many phonies, liars, cheaters, and manipulators run many of the "houses of worship." It attracts people of that ilk. Not to say all are bad. But their choice of career demands absolute honesty and impeccable morality. Too many are not up for that challenge. That makes them especially despicable when they fail to follow their own teachings.

posts: 432   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8668983
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 7:32 PM on Wednesday, June 23rd, 2021

others...its kinda dangerous to have vulnerable people listening to her spill. Very little to no accountability in her words.

I was once told a long time ago that there is little more dangerous than a person of poor morals, WITH INFLUENCE, acting under the facade of doing good.

This has stuck with me for decades.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3830   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8669190
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nothisfriend ( member #53171) posted at 8:29 PM on Wednesday, June 23rd, 2021

I think Zobrist is a fabulous guy and while I'm sorry that his wife was cheating I'm glad he found out. Glad the OBS shared that with him; I wonder what she is doing with her WH?

It sounds like the millions of $ in damages that Zobrist is seeking is the amount of his lost pay from the Cubs when he took leave to "work on his marriage." He really did get doubly betrayed.

Me: BS 50 (at the time)
Him: WH 53 (at the time)
D-Day: 10/25/15
Married: 5/14/1988
One son, age 18 (at the time)
D final 9/13/16

posts: 1258   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2016   ·   location: Illinois
id 8669198
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 9:20 PM on Wednesday, June 23rd, 2021

"Ben reportedly filed for divorce in May 2019 in Williamson County, Tenn., while Julianna filed a counter-complaint in March 2020. The cases are said to be pending."

Quoting an article above ^^^. Is it normal to file a counter-complaint a year after your spouse files for divorce???

"Cases are pending" suggests she is fighting to get a lot from him in the divorce...after her abominably bad behavior. Can I just say, sending your BS to be counseled by the person you are cheating with, to share their hurts and frustrations with the source of the problem, has to be one of the most cruel things I've ever heard of a WS doing. It's disgusting.

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5265   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8669209
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blahblahblahe ( member #62231) posted at 9:34 PM on Wednesday, June 23rd, 2021

Quoting an article above ^^^. Is it normal to file a counter-complaint a year after your spouse files for divorce???

"Cases are pending" suggests she is fighting to get a lot from him in the divorce...after her abominably bad behavior. Can I just say, sending your BS to be counseled by the person you are cheating with, to share their hurts and frustrations with the source of the problem, has to be one of the most cruel things I've ever heard of a WS doing. It's disgusting.

I suspect Tennessee laws and judges are far less tolerate to adultery than Illinois.

This is why the lawsuit is a brilliant move on the part of his legal team. The ripples it will cause and the damage it will do to the XW and the OM as immense as they are both in the business of religion.

I see it as a nuclear strike, that will leave both radioactive for quite some time....

posts: 298   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2018   ·   location: Europe and USA
id 8669213
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OrdinaryDude ( member #55676) posted at 12:54 AM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

I can totally relate here, my WW’s AP was also our pastor.

It’s been five years at this point and I have not stepped into a church since it all shook out, and he has been removed from the pulpit permanently.

Me - BH 50+
Her - WW 50+
Married 30+ years, 2 adult kids
(1989) PA Rug-Swept
(2002) EA Rug-Swept
(2016) EA *Getting Out Of Infidelity*

**Working at Reconciling**

posts: 3382   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2016   ·   location: The Big Easy
id 8669266
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CaptainRogers ( member #57127) posted at 2:20 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

Have followed this closely since Ben's "leave of absence" from the team in early 2019. When the announcers said that Ben had left the team for "personal reasons', I knew EXACTLY why he was stepping away. No one could be focused enough to have a 95+ MPH fastball coming at them.

I hope that the pastor does find himself "ruined" as well as the former Mrs. Zobrist. They deserve each other, but they deserve each other dirt poor and unable to find employment.

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3037   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 8669346
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 6:18 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

there is little more dangerous than a person of poor morals, WITH INFLUENCE, acting under the facade of doing good.

So true!

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8669413
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susielee ( member #74877) posted at 2:32 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

"Can I just say, sending your BS to be counseled by the person you are cheating with, to share their hurts and frustrations with the source of the problem, has to be one of the most cruel things I've ever heard of a WS doing. It's disgusting."

And yet it is common among cheaters to connect their BS with their cheating partner. In my own case he tried to make us friends by bringing her by a couple times. (she was his direct report).

The friendship didn't click, because she was weird acting, and also I knew she had a sleazy reputation. Yes I was just that clueless. I gave my ex way more credit than he deserved. Most of us do.

posts: 63   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2020   ·   location: GA
id 8670881
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 2:46 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

And yet it is common among cheaters to connect their BS with their cheating partner.

I know. I read it here all the time, the whole "wanted us to be friends." Why? What motivates that want? What motivates a WS to want to bring these two people together? It seems it should be the opposite. I just don't understand this strange desire to merge these worlds, but I read enough to see that it is not uncommon.

Idk, but it strikes me as a profound lack of empathy, of seeing people as pawns in your chess game rather than humans with their own feelings. Maybe cheating is "I wanted extra to nurse my self-esteem" or "I needed the ego kibbles due to my empty self," but what possibly explains "I needed my spouse to know the person I was stabbing them in the back with"? Or "I hoped my partner and my side piece could be besties"? Whyyyy???? How is that a benefit to a WS????

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5265   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8670886
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asc1226 ( member #75363) posted at 2:58 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

Some waywards are so deep in the fantasy that keeping the affair separate from the rest of their lives doesn’t make sense. They convince themselves that everyone else will eventually be ok with it.

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 376   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8670890
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susielee ( member #74877) posted at 3:55 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

Motivation is still a mystery, at least to me.

We can only guess, I wondered if he thought that if we got to know each other, it wouldn't be so bad when he finally was exposed. Or maybe he just got an extra thrill from putting us together. I mean, she knew but I didn't; I also wonder what the hell she was thinking.

posts: 63   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2020   ·   location: GA
id 8670910
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 4:48 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

Latest update is his wife is suing for 50% +4 million since he "failed to preserve marital assets" by taking a leave of absence to deal with the affair. He was paid a prorated 4.5 million out of 12 that season so bypassed roughly 8 million in income with the LOA. Can't see that it will work but you never know in the legal system.

posts: 789   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8677016
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