Newest Member: Notarunnerup

I Can Relate :
Long Term Affairs Part 39

Topic is Sleeping.
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 6:08 PM on Sunday, February 23rd, 2020

That feels too much like work to me. My excitement for the week was replanning resources. Good brain food.

Worked with someone who was great with ppt. Worked out well. I turned off my pc after a 13 hour day on Friday. Don’t want to go near it until tomorrow.

I am going makeup shopping this pm. They tell me that is fun. We will see.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 12:09 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8514495
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 9:14 PM on Sunday, February 23rd, 2020

Hey, you asked

I work on open source software in my spare time and this is just another new project. New projects are the best projects.

I am going makeup shopping this pm. They tell me that is fun. We will see.

I may be biased, but in my experience...no...no its not

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8514554
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WhyAgainWhyHer ( member #63795) posted at 3:38 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

@shattered my CM is a software engineer. He can (and does) spend days in his lab.

Oh, the damn phones. The secrets they hold.

Today is not a good day.

posts: 233   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2018
id 8514826
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 4:06 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

(((WhyAgainWhyHer)))

Just one of those days, or something happen?

I don't know how people even find the time to cheat if they're busy like that. WW was also a software engineer but didn't bother with side projects (other than the occasional coding competition). I don't think she liked how often I would spend on my projects, but that was partly because she didn't know what to do with herself and would feel like she was waiting for me. (Ironic a bit, the waiting part because I felt that a lot too, whenever she was out at an event)

After a long productive day there was nothing else I wanted to do than to be in her arms.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 10:10 AM, February 24th (Monday)]

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8514840
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WhyAgainWhyHer ( member #63795) posted at 4:18 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

We had family (his) over last night. It was hard to watch how friendly and nice and pleasant he can be when others are around. And how he changes once they leave. There were kids over (we don't have any) and the house was a mess when they left. Of course I was left with all the clean up. And was told my cooking was not "kid friendly) because I put bacon in the mac and cheese. I don't cook, I don't enjoy it, so a little appreciation would have been nice.

And once the guests had left, back to the lab he went.

Apparently making time to cheat is worth it? God knows, even when we were dating, he barely had time for me. Thinking back, everything has always been on his terms and his time line. His work comes first. He wants to take a trip, I have to rearrange my schedule...

posts: 233   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2018
id 8514844
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 4:27 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

WHAT?!?

Bacon in Mac'n'Cheese is every kid's dream. What is he smoking. Obviously it's not the hickory smoked bacon

Ah geez. I can relate.

When WW was laid off (a turning point IMO since that meant she no longer was seeing the AP everyday...this was before he was the AP), she was difficult to be around. We practically lived at my parents for 2 months because she didn't act nasty or short tempered with them around.

She didn't believe she acted different, but boy was there a difference. That was when I started working from home a lot because she didn't want to be alone every day too.

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8514848
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WhyAgainWhyHer ( member #63795) posted at 5:36 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

Apparently not these brats. I have so much left over, I'll be living on it for a week. The parents are now super health conscious, and discussed it with him, but that info was never relayed to me. So the chicken nuggets and mac and cheese sat alone, while my good salads and other adult foods were gone instantly.

I can't win.

I honestly hope he does get this new job and travels more. He can meet her all over the world, just leave me alone!

posts: 233   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2018
id 8514879
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WhyAgainWhyHer ( member #63795) posted at 5:36 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

I take it you didn't know she was cheating when you started working from home too?

posts: 233   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2018
id 8514880
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 5:48 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

So to clarify, the PA didn't start until the next year. I feel like she was in a sort of a EA at the time she got laid off though, which she has always denied.

I never liked their boundaries and we'd argue with me wanting her to not have anything to do with her "just a friend". It's hard when they work on the same team though. I felt like things took a turn for the worse after she no longer was in an office seeing him everyday.

For Mac and cheese I recently came up with an interesting version using a creamy cauliflower canned soup I got at Costco rather than only milk or cream. Cauliflower mac and cheese

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 11:51 AM, February 24th (Monday)]

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8514884
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 5:53 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

Also if it was discussed with him, let him do the food prep then.

Is he absent minded? WW is. So many times something would come up and she thought she told me, and it turns out she was thinking of telling me but forgot to actually tell me. Her brother and father are like that

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8514887
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WhyAgainWhyHer ( member #63795) posted at 6:31 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

He doesn't cook, LOL. He can microwave bacon and scramble some eggs, that's about it. Oh, and microwave store bought cookies, so they are warm.

Absentminded...I would say no, more like laser focused on things that interest him. So a conversation about food would be forgotten ten seconds after it happened. But I feel like this should have been important enough to remember to tell me, especially after all the prep I did. That should have triggered something, right?

EA's are worse than a PA. I think I could more easily forgive a strictly physical PA, which is what I was told the first time I caught them.

Cauliflower mac & cheese...interesting! I do like all the cauliflower and broccoli options in the freezer section.

posts: 233   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2018
id 8514910
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 6:54 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

He doesn't cook, LOL. He can microwave bacon and scramble some eggs, that's about it. Oh, and microwave store bought cookies, so they are warm.

Anyone can cook. It's because he doesn't want to or have the patience. WW had some difficulty because she's a 5 ft 100 lb woman so the pots can be heavy lol, but most of the difficulty was laziness or some mental block - she was afraid of trying because she felt like she can't do things right, even with encouragement and hand holding.

I like to think of cooking as an algorithm. A recipe is literally that. If he can program software, he can follow a damn recipe.

EA's are worse than a PA. I think I could more easily forgive a strictly physical PA, which is what I was told the first time I caught them

.

Yes, they are. For a long time she would deny, deny. Yet every time there was distance put between them, she was like a cocaine addict going through a withdrawal.

Cauliflower mac & cheese...interesting! I do like all the cauliflower and broccoli options in the freezer section.

I think I got the idea from a local restaurant that had a fancy mac and cheese (it's REALLY good) which you could add a variety of options to - cauliflower was the same price as lobster. WTF I'm not going to spend that amount for cauliflower when I can get LOBSTER!

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 1:19 PM, February 24th (Monday)]

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8514924
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WhyAgainWhyHer ( member #63795) posted at 7:52 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

Anyone can cook.

its beneath him. his time is wayyyy too valuable.

Yet every time there was distance put between them, she was like a cocaine addict going through a withdrawal.

Exactly. Mood swings, rude, demanding. I can tell when they are fighting better than I can tell when we are.

WTF I'm not going to spend that amount for cauliflower when I can get LOBSTER!

That is insane!!!!

posts: 233   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2018
id 8514968
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 10:40 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2020

My time is valuable too. What would he do if he lived by himself. He thinks he's always going to have someone to do that task? Not even have to be single, it could be you being sick or something. My dad stepped up on his cooking skills a bit when my mom had her cancer. It wasn't much (at the time I took that over mostly), but he can at least fend for himself.

I like being able to do things myself. It's not going to be 5 star cooking from scratch certainly because I can be busy, but c'mon it's important to to have those skills.

This is where I laugh at some gender stereotypes about men not being able to cook. WTH do people think single men do?

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 4:41 PM, February 24th (Monday)]

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8515064
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WhyAgainWhyHer ( member #63795) posted at 3:24 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020

He would survive just fine, but he has always had a woman in his life. He's never stayed single for long, from what I can tell. But, he has never actually lived with the AP, in all these years. Maybe that's what holds them back?

posts: 233   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2018
id 8515344
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 7:28 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020

Sounds like my Uncle with not being single for long.

I mean sure they would survive. But living on Ramen noodles and cooking veggies and steak are two different qualities of life

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8515490
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Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 11:19 PM on Wednesday, February 26th, 2020

Sorry this off topic of meals and food. But I am just having a rough day. I am thinking about how unremorseful my WS and all the horrible things he has said to me since I found out. Factor in the many, many years of deceit and betrayal. I am just sad.

Me - BS
Him -WS (passed away Aug2020)
DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1
DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -4 yr LTA affair ended 2017
DDay4 - found out after he passed away about LTA with ex-wife same time as his first affair

posts: 518   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8516155
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 11:29 PM on Wednesday, February 26th, 2020

((Throwaway999))

I alternate between angry and sad a lot. While mine has left at this point, I had ultimately years of betrayal that I still am processing. If you told me this would be my future a few years ago I would have thought you were nuts.

I hope tomorrow brings a nicer day for you.

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8516161
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Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 12:45 AM on Thursday, February 27th, 2020

ShatteredSakura - me too. I never could have thought this could have happened. His first wife cheated on him...so he knew the damage. But it didn’t stop him...he just didn’t care about me or our kids. He has told me this. He doesn’t even see himself as a selfish person. But now when I look back all the signs were there...I just couldn’t bring my mind to believe it at the time. It makes me angry at myself for not listening to my gut more.

The other day I told him how he has been so awful to me since I found out. He asked me what has he said that was so horrible? I told him I had a list...which I do in my journal. And boy...it’s a long list. When I asked if he wanted to see the list? I got silence. Lol

Me - BS
Him -WS (passed away Aug2020)
DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1
DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -4 yr LTA affair ended 2017
DDay4 - found out after he passed away about LTA with ex-wife same time as his first affair

posts: 518   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8516200
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 1:08 AM on Thursday, February 27th, 2020

That's awful that he repeated what his 1st wife did.

For now it may be just silence, but if you go over it with him or in MC he may act like how my WW acted...be prepared. Often they don't see the string of emotional abuses/gaslighting we put up with, even when it's documented. There were times in MC the "issues" she wanted to talk about, even she had moments realizing how trivial and selfish they were compared to the crap she was doing to me.

I mean, how selfish is it to declare you won't/can't stop sleeping with the AP during marriage counseling, while in the same session saying I need to take her out more to work on our relationship?

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8516208
Topic is Sleeping.
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