Thank you to all who have addressed my comments in my my recent crisis.
It is so far , the closest thing to support that I have...
The last few days have been pure hell, between being physically ill and trying to take care of myself, to next to no sleep , I have been pretty weak and confused.
The good news is, I got some sleep last night so I have a little more clarity.
I set some boundaries with WH..he is living in our detached garage apartment at our house.
I gathered up his dirty laundry and dumped it on the passenger seat of his car with a note telling him that the next time he decides to send a care package to his EA woman in Venezuela, send her his dirty laundry to do too because I quit that job
I have given him a list of everything I won't do such as errands, difficult phone calls from people that he owes money to and is avoiding, etc
I handed him all the bank account numbers ( that he refuses to memorize or record ) and told him I won't write or sign any checks or make any deposits either.
I told him to not come into the house without notice or permission.
He did come into the house to check on me when I was trying to sleep and had my phone silenced...I refused to open my eyes and look at him once he confirmed that I was alive.
I also set as a condition that he fully confess to his brother in detail everything that he has done in terms of the length of his LTA, the gifts and money he gave her , the trips he took with her, how he " met " her....also that he confess to the EA with the other woman that he has continued to send money to in secret , the lies that he has told me and all the time and money he has wasted on porn addiction. His brother was aware that there was an affair, but never knew the extent of it
I want him to have to answer to someone else and he held accountable by someone other than me or his IC.
He has been able to continue with his illicit activities in all this time since Dday 1 , while working half ass on his therapy, all while being protected by me.
Not anymore !
So while I don't know how this is going to play out, we are seperated and will be until further notice.
I had an appointment with a new IC yesterday , but I don't think it will be a good fit for me...a couple of reasons..one, there didn't seem to be enough privacy. I am fairly certain the next client sitting outside of the door heard everything I said. And also, she answered her phone while I was in session and also looked at texts...that is a pet peeve of mine because my WH has that habit when I am talking.
WH's therapist has been in touch and gave me a couple of referals that I am going to look into. One of them is a practice with several practitioners that are specialists with SA , and I feel that would be a great place for me to start
I got a very lengthy text with a detailed apology from WH where he actually took responsibility for a lot of things that have gone wrong. There is a part of me that wants to think that he had an epiphany , but the larger conclusion is for me to not fall for it and be vigilant.
I am standing my ground