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I Can Relate :
"I Can Relate" Forum

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discombobulated ( member #6580) posted at 5:43 AM on Sunday, June 24th, 2007

Suggestion for the I Can Relate Forum - Dealing with fear and anxiety, success stories on overcoming fear,working through it, inspiration for those paralyzed by it. Sharing the victories will fortify, resolve and strengthen us when we're shakin' in our boots. We waste so much time wallowing in the fear of "What if?"

Thanks for your consideration.

Great topics in this forum!

BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

posts: 2151   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2005   ·   location: Florida
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25wimsey ( member #7816) posted at 5:02 PM on Monday, June 25th, 2007

Thank you for this forum--just thank you...

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whyus ( member #14733) posted at 4:18 PM on Thursday, July 5th, 2007

Where do I belong?

I don't know if I belong in the ONS forum or in the multiple affairs forum.

My H had 4 ONSs (or 1-2 night stands) since we've been married. Also he's had a ONS when we were engaged and then some others while we were dating - but broken up for a few weeks.

Does his behavior count as ONS or multiple affairs - there doesn't seem to be a place for multiple ONSs? I don't want to split hairs here so that's why I'm asking.

Anyone got any insight on how I should view and approach this situation.

Any help would be appreciated.

posts: 81   ·   registered: May. 23rd, 2007   ·   location: southeastofdisorder
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since1989 ( new member #15128) posted at 2:51 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

[This message edited by since1989 at 12:31 AM, February 25th (Monday)]

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Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 2:57 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

since1989...

This thread is for suggestions/ideas for this forum.

Please start a new thread in JFO or in General and I'm confident you'll get the support you're needing.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

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father of 4 ( member #5866) posted at 7:00 PM on Thursday, August 2nd, 2007

Support for Spouses with Same Gender APs.

Please! Or something better worded. It seems like there is a new member about once a week that signs up with this sort of peculiar issue. And they are all searching desperately for someone in their particular type of predicament. It is a very lonely feeling when this happens... because when you are in this situation, you feel as though this is a freakish occurrence and you have very little chance of ever finding any one else in the same boat.

I realize this request is poorly worded, but please consider it! Thanks so much, DS (and the rest of the Marvelous "Mod Squad" too!)

Yours truly, f 4

(By the way, the "please" has sugar on top... and a cherry!)

[This message edited by father of 4 at 1:01 PM, August 2nd (Thursday)]

"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." -Samuel Johnson

posts: 7816   ·   registered: Nov. 19th, 2004   ·   location: 32°01'22" N 81°06'05" W
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father of 4 ( member #5866) posted at 7:14 PM on Thursday, August 2nd, 2007

Can a pinned thread be bumped?

Hmmmm.... This is one to ponder.... like a koan or something.

"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." -Samuel Johnson

posts: 7816   ·   registered: Nov. 19th, 2004   ·   location: 32°01'22" N 81°06'05" W
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Feeling so alone ( member #14492) posted at 12:54 PM on Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

Sorry to say anything but I'm going through withdrawals with LTA shut down.

I've got a big mouth and nowhere to use it right now.

Thanks for making SI and LTA possible.

Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?

posts: 1357   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2007
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neverendinghurt ( member #15859) posted at 8:25 PM on Tuesday, August 28th, 2007

Revenge

Is revenge a suitable topic for the "I can relate" forum?

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie

posts: 26070   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Seattle
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 SI Staff (original poster moderator #10) posted at 8:36 PM on Tuesday, August 28th, 2007

This site is not about revenge.

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
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dreamlife ( member #8142) posted at 8:39 PM on Tuesday, August 28th, 2007

Agree with father of 4...please??

Many thanks for your understanding of the human condition.

~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

"He called me a bitch.
I called him an ambulance."
Linda H.)

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 SI Staff (original poster moderator #10) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, August 28th, 2007

So sorry, I missed F0f4's request.

I will bring it into the Mod forum so they can discuss it.

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
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queequeg ( member #15395) posted at 2:59 PM on Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

I would like to hear from any BSs whose WSs left them to marry the AP to live happily ever after, rather than becoming remorseful or breaking up with the AP.

In the latter cases, it would seem easier to believe in "fogginess."

Has the outcome affected your ability to accept the "fogginess" concept?

Does this outcome still make you feel that you were somehow responsible for alienating WS?

Are there two possible kinds of WSs?

Just wondering how others with this type of WS have understood what happened to them.

posts: 1030   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2007   ·   location: maryland
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Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 3:01 PM on Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

Please use this thread:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=159081

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

posts: 210060   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002
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cvfsnej ( new member #15055) posted at 12:33 AM on Saturday, September 1st, 2007

My wife and I have been together for 23 years and have 2 girls and 1 boy. I caught her with another woman. She said that she has had been with women before we were married and wanted to have that feeling again. I can’t get the pictures out of my mind of what they did. She say’s that she wants to stay, but I feel that it’s only because she doesn’t want our kids to find out or the other woman's family to know. She wants to stay friends with the women and that it won’t happen again. They would go on trips together and I feel that things may have happen. Also there was too much feeling in what I saw them do. I have caught her talking with the woman on the phone and told her that for us to stay together she needs to stop having contact with her. She say's that she has ended it, but now she is all depressed. Can I believer her that she won’t do this again with the woman? I know she needs friends and I can’t stand seeing her so depressed.

She said that both of them talked about it and that this was not what either one wanted to continue. I can help not believing her. When I first confronted her on what she did, she said that they only kissed. Then I told her what I saw, and they were in our daughter’s room with the door opened, our 12 year old son could have opened his door and seen them. She said it was no big deal it’s not like they had sex (what is sex between to women?).

She keeps saying that if I want to get a divorce that she understands and loves me very much and knows that she has hurt me. She said that she will not fight me for the house or anything.

What Should I do?

posts: 7   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2007   ·   location: SoCal
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doctordoug ( new member #16418) posted at 2:37 AM on Monday, October 1st, 2007

New and dumb. WS and myself have counseling set up for this week. We are currently separated. My question is will counseling do any good as long as she will not let SO go? She wants 2 months and 8 sessions to make her decision. I think I have made mine.

posts: 3   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2007
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charlotte ( member #3663) posted at 2:43 AM on Monday, October 1st, 2007

doctordoug you will get more responses if you post in Just Found Out.

posts: 3983   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2004   ·   location: Maryland ES
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kdny ( member #760) posted at 2:43 AM on Monday, October 1st, 2007

Hi, I think if you put this question in the Just found out or General forum you will get the responses you want. Welcome.

[This message edited by kdny at 8:44 PM, September 30th (Sunday)]

Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound

posts: 81335   ·   registered: Dec. 4th, 2002   ·   location: Slightly left of center, standing on my head
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LisaP ( member #15088) posted at 11:28 PM on Friday, October 19th, 2007

I didn't see anything relating to this nor did I see a reguest...but trust that I apparently miss alot!!

Can there be something for the BS who's SO is spending time with Prostitutes, in Strip Clubs, and Massage Parlors?

I have noticed that this is something that is becoming a norm lately...

Thank you...

Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown

posts: 2200   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2007   ·   location: Oregon
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STAND ( member #16442) posted at 4:28 PM on Monday, October 29th, 2007

Can there be something for the BS who's SO is spending time with Prostitutes, in Strip Clubs, and Massage Parlors?

PM'd SI Staff regarding adding what LisaP suggested.

Please!

"Is my life a comedy or a tragedy? If only I could decide than I could dress accordingly." - Ashleigh Brilliant

posts: 938   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2007
id 2486845
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