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I Can Relate :
"I Can Relate" Forum

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Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 6:01 PM on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Dis...

It's MH that should be getting all the praises...without him, we wouldn't have all these cool new features

HC...

We just implemented this forum last night

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

posts: 210060   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002
id 1999876
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weepy ( Member #8790) posted at 6:02 PM on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

This is really great guys. All the new bells and whistles. MH is super!

Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda

posts: 9340   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2005   ·   location: SE PA
id 1999882
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HurtinCutie ( Member #7798) posted at 6:03 PM on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

LOL!! I'm more tired than I though. I was on earlier this morning and didnt see it. I didn't see it until I posted in it. I'm losin' it! lol

MH - YOU ROCK!!!!!! Incase you haven't heard it lately (I'm sure you have tho)

That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.
Can you get to your future if your past is present?
~Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City

posts: 3889   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2005   ·   location: Canada
id 1999885
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really trying ( Member #5311) posted at 6:04 PM on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Thanks MH for everything!

Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness

posts: 10425   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2004   ·   location: California
id 1999887
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Queeny4082 ( Member #5903) posted at 7:52 PM on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

I know this is terribly Obsessive-Compulsive on my part, but have you Mod's noticed the "C" in "Can" is lower case? You wouldn't believe the trouble I go through to get the angles of my furniture just right! I also count stairs and add up the numbers on license plates. I'm sick, sick, sick!

Regardless of the "C", the forum is great!

FBW- Me, 29 + 1
FWS- H, 33, SA and working hard in recovery

Forgiveness is giving up the HOPE that anything in the past could have been any different.

posts: 1583   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2004
id 2000305
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click4it ( Member #209) posted at 8:52 PM on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

There is just one thing bothering me about the new forum...

The "can" in "I can Relate"..is there a possibility in it getting a capital C instead of remaining lower case? I'm so anal rententive aren't I?

Does this bother anyone else or is it just me?

Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

posts: 25706   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2002   ·   location: California
id 2000532
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jsh2329 ( Member #12719) posted at 12:37 AM on Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Thanks Mods! You are so awesome!!!!

Me: FBS, 34, H: FWS, 34
Married 9/1/02
DDay #1: 10/15/06, 1/15/17
2 Amazing Kids, 13 (DS) & 11 (DD) year old.
Worked on R, but alcoholism and another dday, I'm done.
"I'll never trust anyone more than I trust myself."

posts: 2559   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2006   ·   location: Illinois
id 2001166
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ToddC ( Member #9314) posted at 12:39 AM on Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Does this bother anyone else or is it just me?

No, it is not just you.

posts: 18524   ·   registered: Jan. 7th, 2006
id 2001168
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click4it ( Member #209) posted at 1:44 AM on Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Hey its fixed! I can breathe now.

Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

posts: 25706   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2002   ·   location: California
id 2001291
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MangledHeart ( Webmaster Member Zero) posted at 2:05 AM on Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Does this bother anyone else or is it just me?

It was bothering me too.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002   ·   location: Texas
id 2001335
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Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 2:15 AM on Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Nevermind...I wasn't being very mice. I took something personal and shouldn't have

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 8:46 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)]

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

posts: 210060   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002
id 2001351
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JoePike ( Member #13207) posted at 3:50 PM on Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

DS & MH and all the mods

Words are not enough for the gratitude I feel for your relentless work on this site and the support it has been for me.

My only regret is that it took 2 months for me to find it post d-day.

Thank you again.

"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper

posts: 3952   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2007
id 2002188
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incrisis ( Member #12945) posted at 9:12 AM on Thursday, April 5th, 2007

As a copywriter/editor...thanks for fixing the "C". You guys totally rock.

BW: 40 (34 on DDay)
WH: 39 (33 on Dday, LTA and PAs)
M: 11 years, together 14, at time of S
3 kids
D-nial: 11/01/06
S: 07/21/07
D-ing! (very slowly)
--

posts: 913   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2006
id 2004205
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Inchoate ( Member #9065) posted at 2:46 PM on Thursday, April 5th, 2007

What a brilliant idea for a forum. And I love the editing buttons I am just now noticing!

MH and DS, you rock.

Former Wayward Ninja, recovered
"The shadows tell us where the light is" (my DD@3)
"Growing up is hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it." (Agliarept)

posts: 5059   ·   registered: Dec. 10th, 2005
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bailey36 ( Member #7287) posted at 3:18 AM on Thursday, April 12th, 2007

Is it possible to have a thread on those of us who are divorcing with children? My time is getting closer and closer and i would love some input on the difficulties i'm going to face in preparing my kids for this, and what i might possibly have to deal with later?

Married 11 yrs.
3 kids
Two D-days less than 8 months apart. Same OW. Waiting on the 3rd now.

posts: 174   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2005
id 2019834
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paulb ( Member #4936) posted at 1:55 AM on Friday, April 20th, 2007

And another suggestion for an "I Can Relate" thread ... "Surviving with an STD from the affair"

"Some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown"
"I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings"
"but not me baby, I've got you to save me"
Tom Petty

posts: 2982   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2004
id 2038258
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despondentsW ( New Member #13675) posted at 10:03 PM on Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

Can anyone relate?

We are such a pair. I am a WS/BS and so is he.

I am the perpertrator of a LTA and he is the perpertrator of multiple ONSs.

Pleae respond if you can relate - or have any insight into this type of situation.

Thanks!

posts: 33   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2007
id 2047997
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Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 10:04 PM on Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

despondentsW...

Please send SI Staff a PM with a request of what you're needing in this forum and the Moderators will discuss it and get back to you.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

posts: 210060   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002
id 2048006
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Nodicei ( Member #14403) posted at 9:52 PM on Friday, April 27th, 2007

In January 2007, I broke down and got DSL for the house since my daughter received a laptop computer for x-mas. I also was interested in e-bill paying through my bank. Long story short...I paid my wife's cell phone bill (which she has also been very protective of) on line. I wanted to verify that the bill was paid and thus opened an account on the cell phone company site posing as my wife. After I confirmed that the bill was paid I realized that I could also access the call history as far back as July 2005. Well I could not resist to take a look. One particular number kept popping up at around the time my wife of 20 years gets to work shortly after 6 AM. The same number would also appear throughout the day and around the time she would leave work. What bothered me is that the number was never called before or after work. I did not jump to conclusion right away. However, I played this one smart. I got home and acted like nothing happended. I secretly took her cell phone to check whose's name was associated with number in her cell phone's speed dial. There was none. So I typed the suspicious number into her phone. I went back downstairs and did like I was interested in her phone and tried to compare it with mine. I then asked who the suspicious number belonged to. She denied that she knew the number, and at that point I knew something was up since she called this number for nearly two years on daily basis and multiple times during the work day. Never or rarely from the house or an weekends. I went upstairs, got the laptop with the evidence and calmly showed her the same number on her cell phone call history. I could see by her trembling hands that she knew the gig was up. She contritely said "It's Rick's number" and then "I'm sorry". At that point I knew exactly who Rick was. I stormed out of the house. She tried to call me several times that night. I didn't get home until 11:00. I WAS DEVASTATED!! My wife had secretly been calling this B****** at least since June /July 2005 behind my back nearly everyday. Since 2005 I stopped drinking with no help or support from my wife at all. I would not join my wife on friday nights when she would claim to go out and party with her co-workers. She generally would not invite me anyhow and say "I'm just hanging out with my girlfriend's from work". Through the years I never really felt comfortable with her going out. However because my wife always accussed me(for no good reason) of trying to control her life I never really put up a fight about her going out. Now I wonder what really happended on all those friday nights? She now claims that she did see him Rick (OP) on occaison in the company of her friends when she went out but that nothing ever happpened sexually between the two of them and that he is only a friend (heard that on before anyone?)This guy had interupted our lives before several years earlier(2000). My wife was working nights. I was working day time. We drifted apart. He was a co-worker she befriended him during our martial struggle to lean for support. She would talk to him on the phone at home in front of me.(She later claims she did it to make me jealous). When I asked her who she was talking to she would reply that it was her boss or a friend. I soon realized that this A****** was on his way to getting into my wife's pants. At one point my wife and I reconciled hoping the the calls would cease. I don't remember how but I realized she was still talking to him on the phone after we had made up back in late 2000. I got mad, demanded his telephone number from my wife which she reluctantly gave me. I called him on a saturday morning and in no uncertain terms I made it clear to him that if he ever spoke to my wife again I would find him and do him in. Again, this was a very trying time for me which included a four day stint in the "whack ward" after a suicide attempt on my part after our first near break up. We hung up on each other cursing. I made my wife promise to cease all contact with him. She then started working during the day (OP) remained on nightshift and I thought this matter was closed and things started to improve or so I thought until March 2, 2007 when I found the years worth of calls she made to this mother******. I really don't know now if she ever stopped calling him. I've been searching high and low on the internet to try and get my head around this situation. This is the best site ever and thus helped figure out what I was up against.

Here is what I've learned so far...I believe my wife had/has an emotional affair with this guy. The sex part I'm not so sure of. The emotional addiction to OP is present without a doubt. She (wife) has all the symptoms depression and anger. She denies wholeheartedly any physical involvement. Regardless with all the lies I've heard from her until now it's hard for me to believe anything she says.

For years I had my suspicions. Everytime I would broach the topic of the OP from the previous incident she claimed I was paranoid, that she had not seen him for so many years, and that I'm just starting a fight for purpose of starting a fight. Then she accused me of controlling her life. Get this: I brought my wife from the Philippines in 1991 where I met and lived with her for several years. I helped her get a job immediately so she could make some money unlike most other GI Joes who liberate a Filipina and then "chain them to the house". I then helped her get her driver's license so she could be more mobile and feel what its like to free in the U.S.. Then I bought her a brand new car so she could work where she met this Mother******. At one point I got so tired of her constant complaining about how I handled our money I forced her to open her own bank account where she could have access of the money she made. She goes as she pleases. Parties into the wee hours of the night YET I"M CONTROLLING HER!! Talk about gas lighting somebody.

These days its constant arguing, fighting, let's split up,let's not, let's get a divorce, let's not. On top of all this our 20 th wedding anniversary is on 5/27/2007 and I (the fool I am still was still considering buying her a one carat ring for the occaison). After reading what this website advises...maybe not so fast.

After the discovery she tried to spin the reason for her affair on me...I did not meet her needs...he's nice...he never argues with her...he too has a girlfriend...so how could she(my wife) be cheating on me if he(OP) already has a girlfriend? She did break down and cry severely a day or two after the discovery and admitted what she did was wrong, that I'm a good man and she repents of what she did to mean... blah blah blah. However, one minute she says sorry the next it's not that big of a deal...let it go...he's only a friend, don't always remind me...blah, blah, blah Oh this is the best...she claims that a week before I discovered the affair she had called him one last time to sever ties with him...WOW WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!! She also claims that she was starting to feel bad about the whole thing and that she was ready to come clean and reveal the affair to me around the time I found out.

Here's another little piece of trivia: I asked her what her access PIN number to her voicemail is. It turns out they are the EXACT SAME DIGIT'S AS THE MOTHER******'s last four digits of his cell number. AGAIN...WHAT A CO-INCIDENCE!!

HERE IS WHERE I'M AT NOW:

Constant fights with her.

Name calling... B**** and W*****. Twelve year old in the middle of this combat zone...constantly paranoid about what other things I'll discover. My wife will only admit to to things for which I have overwhelming evidence to and nothing more. Accuses me of "Identity Theft" for having posed as her when I opened the cell phone acount on the website the day of the discovery.

By the way, the paper bill for her cell phone stopped coming to our house several months ago. I wonder why??? Whenever, I quizzed her about it she would become defensive and start with the "Controlling Crap". So I let it go. I should have pursued this matter right then and there.

I don't know if I can forgive for this and save the marriage. She is currently kinda self rightious at at times claiming she knows her right and refuses to move out of the house and that I should move out.

One small piece of hope is that after the discovery she did in fact not call (OP) from her cell phone anymore (1 and 1/2 months now). However, since I now have caller ID and she calls me and daughter at home in the morning I can see that she uses the company landline from work. When I question her about it she claims that sometimes her cell phone does not work from her job. HOW ODD...SHE DIDN'T HAVE PROBLEMS BEFORE WITH THE SAME PHONE!!

It leads me to believe she is still talking to this M******** behind my back without me being able to monitor.

I'm exhausted now...I can't write anymore...does any body have the same experience or am I the only one?

George(BS) 41

Dina (W/S) 45

One daughter (12)

D-DAY 3/2/2007...Man it felt like the real "D-DAY" June 6, 1944 I probably would have rather been there than at my house.

Could not find this website sooner that's the reason for the delay.

Married for nearly 20 years

[This message edited by Nodicei at 3:47 PM

posts: 121   ·   registered: Apr. 27th, 2007   ·   location: Laurel, Maryland
id 2058307
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Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 10:08 PM on Friday, April 27th, 2007

Nodicei...

Please feel free to re-post this in the JFO forum or General.

This thread and forum are for specific on-going support threads.

DS

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

posts: 210060   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002
id 2058371
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