SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Lost - your love for your children leaps off the page. You are a good father and were a good husband too.

And let me offer you some encouragement. There are a lot of women out there that would jump at the chance to be your partner. Would love how you love your children. And love you for you strength of character.

And, after the absolute worst betrayal of my life, I found the absolute love of mine. Sadly, I lost him this year to cancer, but I had 32 years of joy with him and two wonderful children.

There is happiness and healing for you, but this is going to take Father Time. I would advise you to avoid a rebound relationship - they almost always go terribly wrong. Enjoy being single, love your kids and, when you are ready, put yourself out there again.

Stay strong friend.

If you truly want minimal contact with her. You both get a parenting app such as parent wizard. You communicate only through there. A phone call is only in case of emergency for your kids. Set up your boundaries. Your weeks are yours and hers are hers. If you havent read any of user ATG100. I recommend you read his second thread where he was coming out of infidelity and learning how to deal with a narc of an XWW. It may help you with dealing with yours. Wish you the best tbus weekend with the kiddos.

NeverTwice

Lost - your love for your children leaps off the page. You are a good father and were a good husband too.

Thank you, I appreciate it. Looking back on it, I can't fathom how she did what she did in light of the family/kids. This wasn't a quick one-night thing. This built for her over a period of years.

And let me offer you some encouragement. There are a lot of women out there that would jump at the chance to be your partner. Would love how you love your children. And love you for you strength of character.

Send them my way. :-)

Lol.

I appreciate those words of encouragement.

And, after the absolute worst betrayal of my life, I found the absolute love of mine. Sadly, I lost him this year to cancer, but I had 32 years of joy with him and two wonderful children.

I am both glad to hear that and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm kind of curious what a relationship is going to be like with someone who has principles/morals....

There is happiness and healing for you, but this is going to take Father Time. I would advise you to avoid a rebound relationship - they almost always go terribly wrong. Enjoy being single, love your kids and, when you are ready, put yourself out there again.

I agree with you. I've already been feeling the flip-flop of I want to get back out there and the 'I just want to be alone'. It's a whole other type of roller coaster.

Stay strong friend.

Thank you.

NoOptTo

If you truly want minimal contact with her. You both get a parenting app such as parent wizard. You communicate only through there. A phone call is only in case of emergency for your kids.

Right now the only way for her to reach me is through my phone/texts. I've blocked her elsewhere. If it becomes too much then I'll block that too. I already told her that we're going to co-parent and that's it.

Set up your boundaries. Your weeks are yours and hers are hers. If you havent read any of user ATG100. I recommend you read his second thread where he was coming out of infidelity and learning how to deal with a narc of an XWW. It may help you with dealing with yours. Wish you the best tbus weekend with the kiddos.

That's not a bad idea. I will check into that. I have a few books on narcissists that I plan on reading - eh, listening to.

Update: So all Friday, basically, I was moving. I got settled in and I have the kids. Got the paperwork notarized. So everything is basically set. I have a few other things to do but they don't require contact from her. Stuff like cancel my insurance, shut down a bank account, set up auto-pay, etc.

I'm trying to have fun with the kids this weekend. They're playing a lot on the new computer. I've just taken it over for a bit, while I transfer some data and create this post. I'm transferring all the screenshots I have to an external harddrive. I've been meaning to do this for a while, but I'm now just getting around to it. I'm keeping them because I don't ever want to forget what this shit person has done. I can envision a time in the future (say two years or whatever) and she comes around trying to be my friend or whatever. I don't want to forget all the horrendous shit she did.

Gyms are open, but at 30%. So I'm going to have to figure out how to transfer gyms. I'm sure it's not a huge deal, but that will help me.

I'm kind of melancholy right now. I know it's just because of the huge change going on. Knowing that helps me deal with it.

You are starting a new chapter. That is a good thing. It’s ok to be sad about the old one, but optimistic about the new.

I’m glad for you.

Stevesn

You are starting a new chapter. That is a good thing. It’s ok to be sad about the old one, but optimistic about the new.

That's good to know. I don't even know what I'm sad about. I don't want her back at this point. She's not a good person and she's completely narcissistic. As it is, these past two years have been absolute shit for me - that's even before the cheating. I think I'm just sad about the change and the kids. My daughter is being optimistic. My son isn't sleeping very well. I hate the fact that I don't get to see them as much.

I’m glad for you.

Thanks man - you were extremely helpful.

You just got 800 pounds off your back. You'll get stronger every day.

So I finally upgraded my profile. I'm going to be switching my username soon. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to use...

I'll also probably be switching to the separation/divorce forum. Is there any protocol on how to start a thread there? As in, do I reference this thread in the new thread I create on that forum? How do people generally handle that.

Today is the first day (at 6pm) I'll be handing the kids over to her. We are doing three days on, three days off, for the Summer, possibly changing it to four days on four off - trying to get comfortable with the whole thing. I haven't heard from her at all, so that's good. That helps me.

Lost, I am glad you got moved and settled in. And glad you had you children with you. They will be one of your biggest sources of comfort going forward.

And yes - keep every scrap of evidence you have. Just to remind you that you should never get dragged back in her drama. And I would bet a considerable amount of cash that she will do this repeatedly. Even narcs like her realize when they lose something good.

And you will definitely gain from loss. You gain the freedom to be the man you want and to be with a partner who respects that. You are already a tremendous father. And, trust me, as a woman here for a minute.

If I were not considerably older than you? I would be asking you out on a date! I do not know or need to know your exact age , but I have at least 20 years on ya' :-) But I do have single friends in your age bracket and I know what they are looking for in a man.

It is not looks or being Mr. Fitness (those are just a bonus). They are not looking for Mr. Moneybags either. They want an honest, hard working, trustworthy partner. Someone they can love without reserve and be confident that they are loved the same way.

They want someone they can bare their souls to, to tell their hopes, dreams and fears. And someone who will share they same with them. They want someone who they can respect and who respects them. They want an equal partner in the relationship. And they want 100% commitment - because they want to commit 100%.

Take your time, get thing resolved around the divorce, love your kids. And when you are ready? You are going to be shocked at how many loving and trustworthy women who are going to come knocking.

Well done all around sir. Again, I truly admire your will and resolve...and your fierce love for your children.

Peace...

[This message edited by NeverTwice at 11:19 AM, June 15th (Monday)]

NeverTwice

Lost, I am glad you got moved and settled in. And glad you had you children with you. They will be one of your biggest sources of comfort going forward.

And yes - keep every scrap of evidence you have. Just to remind you that you should never get dragged back in her drama. And I would bet a considerable amount of cash that she will do this repeatedly. Even narcs like her realize when they lose something good.

Thank you and they really are fantastic. Tonight is going to be difficult - it's the first night without them - but I will get through it. I'm also going to keep everything.

I do suspect that she will try to come back after her AP ditches her or does something that's too much for her to bare.

And you will definitely gain from loss. You gain the freedom to be the man you want and to be with a partner who respects that. You are already a tremendous father. And, trust me, as a woman here for a minute.

That makes me smile, thank you. Being a father is the most important thing in my life.

If I were not considerably older than you? I would be asking you out on a date! I do not know or need to know your exact age , but I have at least 20 years on ya' :-) But I do have single friends in your age bracket and I know what they are looking for in a man.

It is not looks or being Mr. Fitness (those are just a bonus). They are not looking for Mr. Moneybags either. They want an honest, hard working, trustworthy partner. Someone they can love without reserve and be confident that they are loved the same way.

They want someone they can bare their souls to, to tell their hopes, dreams and fears. And someone who will share they same with them. They want someone who they can respect and who respects them. They want an equal partner in the relationship. And they want 100% commitment - because they want to commit 100%.

Take your time, get thing resolved around the divorce, love your kids. And when you are ready? You are going to be shocked at how many loving and trustworthy women who are going to come knocking.

That's a hopeful message. I look forward to meeting those women. My address is...

lol :-)

Well done all around sir. Again, I truly admire your will and resolve...and your fierce love for your children.

Peace...

Thank you!

It's a weird feeling. I mean, I know I'm going to have some pain to go through. I know this is not going to suddenly become completely easy. I had a friend over yesterday - someone I hadn't seen in years. He's going to come back when he's in the area again (maybe a month or two) and then we are going to fix up the house. That should be good. A nice project to concentrate on.

I just dropped the kids off. Right now we both had agreed to do 3 days each and then trade. This is to get used to it, for everyone. So I'll pick them up on Thursday.

This is the first time I've been away from them. It sucks. I dropped them off and I talked logistics with my STBXW as she gave me my mail. I made an off hand comment that 'now' starts my tough period of being away from the kids. I probably shouldn't have said anything but the drive over there was rough for me. I wanted every minute. Anyway, maybe I heard her wrong - I don't know - but she said that 'it will be difficult taking care of them without you'.

I think she meant it in a different way than I took it. In my head I'm thinking that taking care of the kids is a treat. I would love to have them full time. Yeah, they're kids, they get angry, the can be difficult, etc, but it's not difficult taking care of them. It's difficult to be away from them. It's difficult to know they are only a few miles away, in their beds and I can't go see them anytime I want to. I can't kiss them on the head before I go out on a walk in the morning.

I think she was trying to say something like she missed me or something like that - I didn't respond to her. I said that I'd be there Thursday, text me if something comes up.

I think I'm just interpreting her wrong though. It really bothers me if my initial thought was correct, that she preferred time without them. I don't want that to be true and I am probably just misinterpreting her. I know she loves the kids. She watches them as she works from home. Yeah, she's she cast me aside or whatever, but she wouldn't give up the kids. I asked her that - I told her that I would take them full time months ago.

So I think I'm just being paranoid... But the reality is that if anything this last six months has taught me it's that I don't know her.

Ugh. I know I'll get use it, but this sucks.

Well done buddy you have been a true warrior, I moved out of our home two weeks ago also after finding out about a 2 year affair the my WH had with his originally PA(now Operations Manager-I guess she slept her way to the top).It took me a yeah and a half to leave

In a nutshell I had my first week without the boys 12 and 9 years and I did not know what to do with myself, I felt lost cause I always identified as a wife and a mother-nonetheless I am glad I am out of the house where i felt disrespected and unloved.I just want to say the road ahead will not be easy-I cried the other night because my dream of ageing with this person is never going to happen, that for our kids graduation we wont be a family,that my effort of being a good wife were undermined and taken for granted but atleast I know I will not spend the rest of my life with a selfish,cruel and narcissistic person who thinks they can do what they want -never mind who gets hurt.Sometimes I feel so much bitterness and almost just hate for him because he ruined our family(my kids security) but I know that feelings I probably have to go through inorder to heal oneday.......until then I take it oneday at a time so I would like to also say that take it one day at a time .All the best

Anyway, maybe I heard her wrong - I don't know - but she said that 'it will be difficult taking care of them without you'.

You probably did not hear wrong. Your WW is possibly thinking of herself again (no surprise), as she will have less time to spend in her fantasy world....

NEWPERSON

Well done buddy you have been a true warrior, I moved out of our home two weeks ago also after finding out about a 2 year affair the my WH had with his originally PA(now Operations Manager-I guess she slept her way to the top).It took me a yeah and a half to leave

Thanks! A year and a half is a lot of Hell to walk through.

In a nutshell I had my first week without the boys 12 and 9 years and I did not know what to do with myself, I felt lost cause I always identified as a wife and a mother-nonetheless I am glad I am out of the house where i felt disrespected and unloved.

I have the same feelings. It's weird. It's not 'empty', it's just new.

I just want to say the road ahead will not be easy-I cried the other night because my dream of ageing with this person is never going to happen, that for our kids graduation we wont be a family,that my effort of being a good wife were undermined and taken for granted but at least I know I will not spend the rest of my life with a selfish,cruel and narcissistic person who thinks they can do what they want -never mind who gets hurt.

I'm sorry that it's still rough for you. You, just like I, did the right thing. I can't see spending the rest of my life with a similar person. How can someone cheat and cause that much pain and misery on someone they supposedly love? It's monstrous. It throws everything into doubt.

Sometimes I feel so much bitterness and almost just hate for him because he ruined our family(my kids security) but I know that feelings I probably have to go through in order to heal one day.......until then I take it one day at a time so I would like to also say that take it one day at a time .All the best

Thank you - I relate a lot to that. It sucks that the person I was with was a fraud. At the end of the day the person I thought I was with didn't exist. I was with a cruel narcissist.

RocketRaccoon

You probably did not hear wrong. Your WW is possibly thinking of herself again (no surprise), as she will have less time to spend in her fantasy world...

Probably. If she acts on it I will certainly pursue taking the kids away from her. She can fuck up her own life but not theirs.

I'm moving to the separated/divorced section: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=647064