SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well Done!!!

[This message edited by RubixCubed at 9:34 PM, November 15th (Wednesday)]

Or in your case......thrice.

Well played.

SG, thanks so much for the update. I really appreciate it. You are held up here as a model of "cut your losses". Which is fine. You did what is right for you. But I appreciate your update of the reality of your situation. It is still hard. You are still healing. Life isn't perfect. You still care for your WW. So many times on here you read "A year or two from now WW will be in the distant past and you'll find the right one for you". Nope. This shit TAKES TIME. Moving faster almost guarantees more pain because the process cannot be rushed.

I wish you all the best, and appreciate your taking the time to check in.

So, SG is OM now and should loose permission to post in JFO...

I think you had every right to do that and OBS did too.

About sex being "not good". Despite general consensus in SI about affair sex being wildest and most exciting ever and WS usually minimizing that, I, too, believe my WW's account on sex being mediocre. I know what it takes to please my WW sexually and I can't imagine how an selfish idiot with a small dick (confirmed by some pics, not that it really matters much) could do that (and not easy to do it herself).

Since your (and my) WW used sex as a currency, she did not put enough emotional content into it for it to become good. As for shaving and lingerie - when I asked WW why did you do some things with him you said you didn't enjoy and that weren't "necessary", she answered that, she essentially followed stereotype that affair sex should be wild, etc. and, another thing, she kind of wanted to prove herself (and him) that she is "free, careless, wild, young". Maybe that's at least partially the case with your XWW too.

My last passing thoughts, like anoldlion, I am also somewhat older, and 'hopefully' more mature. Some things for your consideration.

The POS had alot of power in this scenario. The money and work dominance. Knocking at your exwife's door for two years. And when he finally got a foothold, manipulated till he got what he wanted. The perfect result for him, and unfortunately the perfect storm for your family. Im not making excuses for her, as she could/should have let you know as it was happening. Perhaps having been hit on all her life, she thought she could handle it.

Your response since then impresses as a bull running around the paddock, trying to reestablish male dominance. And your tryst with the OBS. For both of you,it seems it was the ultimate revenge.

From my view point, peeling back the layers, you are still very much in love with your wife. You are still trying to hurt her like she hurt you. I do have the inkling that you are now starting to realize this.

She does impress to me like she is a beautiful women inside and out. This led to the tragedy that occurred.

While your in Florida, recheck your feelings, and if you feel you want too, start touching base with her. Whatever you decide may result in stopping two tragic events, the second being the 'If only I had..' Of course you know that this is how she feels.

And of course 'peace' and 'hugs' to you.

Later my friend.

BS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:49 PM, November 16th (Thursday)]

nicenomore.. you missed my first post..

An old lion made some really good points yesterday, but for maximum protection of assets consider separate residences. You two could still be a couple, spending time with each other. Despite what's happened between you, I believe you both still care deeply for each other.

Coupling would allow you to share family events and experiences, like holidays, birthdays and the arrival of grand children and make them a lot less awkward. Also, I personally feel it's better to deal with the devil you know, so to speak.

You can lay down the rules up front:

'I'm committed emotionally, but I'm not taking the financial risk'

'We share our lives together but each pay our own way so there's no chance of any 'supporting someone in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed' crap'

If someone changes their mind about the arrangement, you'll talk it out BEFORE making any fait accompli moves, because women typically push for commitment in the form of marriage...and it's just not safe...for men, anyway. So, if she's out and meets someone, she talks to you before she dates or whatever. You do the same.

Infidelity is a big, black, rolling thunder-head, but at least for you there could be a silver lining.

I wish I had your options, but my kids are still younger, and even though my wife is remorseful and disgusted with her behavior and does not want to screw me (I think) the family court would screw my behind with a 'Richard' big enough for a herd of rhino.

What ever you decide know that my prayers and well-wishes go with you and you family.

In my opinion the only reason to get married is to provide a stable family life for children. If you don't plan on having kids then why get married? But that's just me I guess...

You are healing. It always takes too long and you will never just be "over it" but you continue to make progress. Stay on your current course and that healing will continue.

Evidently being "old" is required to give sage advice. That might be true so take it from this old dude: further limiting your contact with WW will help the healing process. She's taken everything you had to give and much, much more. You don't owe her anything. You decided to end the marriage because you let your head rule your heart. You knew you would never accept her as your wife again after she fucked this other man and that meant trying to reconcile would simply prolong the agony. Your heart may tug at you from time to time but, as most wise people will tell you, following your heart rather than your head is unwise. Keep moving in your chosen direction because you are doing fine.

Wow. Just read all about space ghost. I am in awe. I admire your resolve. I, too, have a family history that my STBX was well aware of, yet it still happened to me. I want to have the will to just let go as you have!

Yeah SG, and those like him, have been a huge inspiration to me, and I’m sure many others. Without the support and strong example of the folks here at SI, I’m pretty sure I’d still be part of a nasty pick me dance and living in hell. Instead I sacked up and spaceghosted the skank. You’ve got it in you too, Simplicity. First step is the hardest then it’s downhill from there!

My wife is very similar to SG's. Had a pretty happy marriage and threw it all away for basically nothing, then realizes what she did and is crushed. Would have been better for me if I took a chapter out of his playbook and cut bait right away, but that just wasnt me.

I do admire his courage, but feel for his wife as I feel for mine.

In my opinion the only reason to get married is to provide a stable family life for children. If you don't plan on having kids then why get married?

Really? Kids are the one and only reason?

Getting M is a sure bet to a stable family life?

Wow, there are some very unstable and abusive married couples families out there and the children suffer.

E

Thank you SpaceGhost.

Like others on here I came to truly care about you.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this.

(((hugs)))

How did you visit to Florida go Spaceghost. Any updates