SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So she needs a baby sitter huh? That's all she thinks you're good for.

The good news is you're not paying any attention to the advice here and you will soon be divorced from a lying cheater. The bad news is you don't know how to be a man and there doesn't seem to be much hope for your next relationship either. What makes you think any woman wants to be around a wussy?

[This message edited by Chappie at 4:29 AM, June 18th (Sunday)]

What in the world are you doing? You don't need any more proof! File for D. Get her out of your life as best you can!

Take care of your kids and quit bending over backwards for her! It's long past time to stand up for yourself!

i get being paralyzed and afraid. you think your situation is different and if you put too hard a foot down she will bolt.

maybe. the probabilities are against that but it does sometimes happen.

but whats the worst outcome to making a stand?

thay she continues cheating. isnt that where you are now?

BW here. I understand your hesitance and your wanting this to just be over.

Please protect yourself and your children. See several attorneys and pick the best one, follow their advice, file now. The longer you wait the worse position you will be in. You have a LOT to lose and nothing to gain by waiting.

So you move back home...

Why do you think she wants you there?

Bc then she can go out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT bc she has a babysitter. So while you're home "helping her get the kids in bed", she's out banging whoever she can find.

Wake up!!

I have no proof of a PA or I would be more inclined to start the ball rolling on a D. Right now I am just trying to make my M work. I will not at this point heed any advice to just get the D rolling. I do have my suspicions that she may still be talking to other men. However I have no evidence other than the EA I mentioned. A text that she was going to meet someone at a Motel from an unknown number. And a guy who was hitting on her on messenger. WW didn't respond in a way that I would consider crossing the line on her part. I live in a small town were everybody knows most people's business. It did not take long for word to get out that my marriage was on the rocks and as is usually the case all the lowlife losers and barflies attract to women like my WW like flies on shit. My WW is a very attractive good looking woman so it is to be expected.

Anyways I'm back in my hometown and back in our house. When I got home WW went on a walk with me to talk. She talked about how in the beginning our relationship flourished and we fell madly in love. She told me that after our first child was born. I emotionally checked out which is true. Then after my second child was born. I left her feeling overwhelmed and she felt she was going at it alone. She said that now half her heart want our M to work. The other half of her heart wants nothing to do with me. She mentioned that while in Texas several people proved to her how much she is worth as a person and how she did not deserve to be treated the way I had been treating her. Which was more like a roommate than a loving husband I will admit that. She said she did not miss me while we were apart and that she needed more time to see if those feelings could happen again. She informed me that this could take some time and may be impossible. I admitted that I had emotionally checked out because I got complacent and just assumed we would always be a couple. I set some boundaries and asked that we not date or see other people while we sort things out. She said the last thing she wanted was to see anybody else as she is to hurt by what I did she stated that she strictly needed time to work on herself. I told her to take her time and that I understood as I my self am to broken hearted to even consider dating somebody else. We agreed that communication is key. She said I need to put her first if it was even remotely going to work. I don't understand how she can even begin to miss me if I am sitting in the next room. I tried to make small talk when we got home. She told me to shut up. So I took the hint and am now sitting in our bedroom alone. She is sleeping in the kids room with them. I want my marriage to work. She decided not to go with me to dinner for our anniversary. And is still planning on going out of town for three days to party with an old girlfriend of hers during our anniversary. I am trying to give her the space she needs but am very insecure about her leaving. She also covered her body and told me not to look at her when she changed into her nightgown. I have heard plenty of people on this forum tell me just serve her a D. This is not what I want. I want my wife back. I want her to see the good qualities in me and prove to her I can be a better husband lover and father. But I am still being rejected at every turn. This shit is so hard to take I can barely stand it. I feel myself getting more and more angry at her. I also just found out my dad is terminal has about a year to live and my first cousin is in a hospital dying as I type this. I tried to talk to her about that as it has me grieving. She just ignored me. I need her support more than ever and might as well be talking to the wall. I will now in my heart when I should throw in the towel but I'm just not there yet.

And to the guy who called me a wussy you don't know me at all. Call me that to my face and see what happens. I am here for support not to be called names so unless you have real advice STFU

No name calling here, only the truth.

You're doing the pick-me-dance, and she's playing the tune.

She is calling the shots, and you're taking the orders.

To one extent or another, most of us have done this at least a little, so we know it when we see it...and it doesn't work.

My wife also played the blame game on me, and it worked, for only a short time...then I got pissed.

Your WW has options if she feels that the M isn't going well, but infidelity isn't an acceptable one.

You don't seen to think you have enough proof, but texts about meeting up is more than enough.

I wish you good luck man, I really do.

hey bro.

i get comoletely you dont want to get divorced and want your m to work out.

you know filing for d doesnt instantly equal d ... right? you can always stop the process.

anyway, so lots of blame shifting from her. its your fault the m isnt working. but axsume you arent perfect and have alot of reponsibility. is any of it her fault? does she bear a % of blame?

'just an ea' = still am affair. is she blaming that on you too? or is she acting as if that were all on you too? its cheating, it wasnt an accident but by choice, and whatever inside her that made it an acceptable choice is still broken.

her behavior since can be seen two ways.

one an attempt to punish you. so shes going to cold shoulder you, tell you shut up, and you do the pick me dance to win her? hows that going to help the m? to heal whats broken requires you both to reach out, not her spurning you while you dance for her. this assuages her guilt (how can what she did be bad if you are still dancing to "win" her back?) for her actions too. its massive blameshifting.

the 2nd possibbilty is pretty common for those still actively in an a. anger at the bs so they feel justified in having the affair and not feeling like the bad guy in it all (hes a jerk so my cheating is justified because hes a jerk). wanting space so they can trial with ap yet keeping bs as a plan b. no sex so as to be 'faithful' to ap.

regardless of which it is you accepting all the blame for the m doesnt help. your pick me dance is very counter productive.

you need the truth and i dont feel you have it yet. shes going to have to stop blaming you for all. shes gotta own her behavior. you need to stop the pick me dance. sometimes you need to risk the m to save it and imo thats the case here.

[This message edited by william at 10:47 AM, June 20th (Tuesday)]

I'm so sorry Iscrea. But if you've been on this site or lived this like we have, you'd see it's text book.

We've all been through the same situation you are going through.

Stop playing the pick me dance.

I don't know what was in your wedding vows, but mine said for good or bad and to forsake all others.

What is your breaking point? You've proven at least an EA. You are to the point to where you won't accept the help you've been given.

Your story is a heartbreaker. It's also infuriating because it's been a few months and your still bending over backwards for someone who has shown she doesn't want you.

If she had gone through with the hotel meet, would that make it different?

[This message edited by Wool94 at 6:53 AM, June 20th (Tuesday)]

The easiest way to stop a headache is to stop head butting the wall.

It takes two to make a marriage work. Look at your wife's actions, don't listen to her words. What is she showing you? Is she kind and empathetic? Is her family her first priority?

Every marriage has difficulties. No one is perfect. You became emotionally unavailable comma her response was to seek attention from other men. Weather that was physical or emotional, does that really matter? Her blame-shifting has gotten you to ignore the elephant in the room. She is now free to eat as much cake as she would like while you are consuming a shit sandwich. It's very typical of cheaters to do this.

Our goal is to get you out of infidelity and to survive. Right now, you are acquiescing to living in infidelity. That will eat you up.

Based on her statements, her interactions in Texas were with other men. Are you okay with that? Her behaviors are going to continue unabated and in all likelihood increase.

How much are you willing to tolerate?

Sending you strength brother

Every day you act like this she is losing more and more respect for you, which in the end is going to make it almost impossible to R if that's your goal.

She's blameshifting, rewriting the marriage, and belittling you ("shut up"? are you effing kidding me???) and you are going along with it.

But go ahead, lash out at us.

She is having an affair. Period. EA or PA it doesn't matter

The reason she is turning it one you is called blameshifting (the delivery is called gas lighting). The reason she uses it is because she rationalizes her affair because she's invented this demon in you that is the cause of her actions. It removes the moral delinquency on her part.

There's been several new post on here lately starting out with "you guys were right" and it looks like sometime in the near future you are going to be adding to the list. You are not being a wuss, you are making textbook mistakes and it's not going to end well for you.

Without the threat of a D, there's little to no motivation for her to change and when you blame yourself like you appear to be doing this just helps her justify her A in her head. Your plan is to basically reward her for cheating and that will make you emasculate yourself. YOU didn't make her cheat so changes you make isn't going to fix her problems. If anything it will push her away with "too little too late" of "why does it take me having an affair for you to change?". The nice guy approach never works.

She is not going to fall back in love with you again until you hand her divorce papers.

You have a lot of your life invested in her, you have kids, memories of better times, etc.

So yeah, maybe you weren't a perfect spouse but..hear me.... it's HER fault she's had an A. NOT YOURS. It's never okay to blame the BS for the A. NEVER.

Please, really step back and look at how shitty you are being treated. READ up in the library here and please go see an IC. You are in the fog of the past but you will never get to where you want to be in this M with her if you keep going the way you are going.

I'm so sorry.

See is so stringing you along.

Stop being played.

Your marraige is so fragile right now and she isn't going to stop what she is doing because you will always be there as her plan B.

Once your old lady starts to belive your are leaving her she just might start second guessing the choices makes.

The

But what the hell she may as well go party it up....you will be there when she gets home.

***As a member***

This guy needs our support. It can be offered without the personal attacks.

If you want to be firm, fine please do it respectfully.

I grabbed her phone this morning got I the evidence I needed screenshot everything. Then I confronted her with the evidence and she is super pissed. However I asked her to stop contact with all parties or I would expose everything. She called him on speaker phone and they stopped all contact. He is shitting bricks that his wife will find out. I told him I had all the evidence I need to expose him and would expose him if he did not follow through with the no contact. She is waiting to call the man in Texas because he is at work. And she is going to get counseling. She does however still want space I'm living in her basement to stay out of her hair. She is not leaving town now because she admitted it was to go see him. I feel better about the whole fiasco because the truth is out. She still does not want a divorce. Just time to think. I also had her call and tell her mom what she had been doing because everyone thought I was being insecure. So know the affair has been exposed and I feel much better even though I don't know what the future will hold. Thanks for all the advice on here with out your support I don't think I would have followed through. I also got a job today so things are looking up.

It's about time you stood up and acted like a man. The person who called you a wussy wasn't trying to insult you. They were trying to support you. That's a 2x4 to the side of your head that you needed. You can't nice them back my friend. When a cheater asks for space it's so they can keep cheating without your interference. Don't go weak again or your M is dead and gone. Take charge of your family or one of these other douche bags will usurp your role as her husband and leader of your family. I love this last post of yours. Be firm and stop eating sh*t. Good job on the most recent development. Keep it up.