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I found out W of 15 years was having an EA with my youngest sons friends dad. They were seeing each other for play dates with our children since April 1st. On May 18th she told me she was mad at me and did not love me anymore. I did all the things I shouldn't have cried begged etc. I found texts on her phone. WS and OM were checking on each other everyday calling each other sweetie my W saw him drive by while I was at work and she texted him asking why he hadn't stopped by the house. shortly after that she told me she felt like a married single mother. I am heartbroken we have 2 kids 6 and 8. She of course denies anything was going on. I contacted OM W told her about my findings. Told her to put her husband in check. This worked well they lost each others numbers.I was confiding in A Childhood friend on messenger about my feelings that something had been going on between them. She intercepted those messages cause I left my facebook open on comp at home. When I got home from work that night she called me a jealous insecure asshole told me to pack my shit and leave or she would call the law. I didn't want my children to see that so I left. She has been going out to the bars now.I have the children with me right now. I went to get my kids some clothes this morning and she met me at the door. She told me that a mutual female friend of ours was sleeping naked in our bed. I saw our friends purse on the table so I know it was her in our room. My W left her messenger open this morning and she was talking with a known homewrecker all last night and he was telling her how horny he was and she was telling him how he can always talk to her about what ever he wants. I lost my job of 8 years out of the blue last Thursday to make matters even worse. This is not the women I married she has changed seemingly over night. She is taking the kids out of state to see her dad for a couple weeks and I'm leaving for three weeks to go to the coast. I am so heartbroken and worried about my kids. I couldn't even eat for 3 days. I do realize I got to comfy in my marriage and let my guard down. She says she may never forgive me for not being their for her enough. My gut tells me she is trying to play the field she told my mother and several of our friends that she does not want a D. So so lost and bitter and angry I am. She also took and changed her passwords tonight after she figured out I blocked the home wrecker from her Facebook page. She keeps trying to make me look like the bad guy. She says her feelings for me still are the same she even used the word hate. Any advice for a heartbroken guy like me. My family says I need to show her ruff love. The lawyer I talked to said do not pay the rent while I not living there. Only child support.

at least you don't own the home and it is rent so I agree that you shouldn't pay the rent. Use the $$ to file for D. Go on offense.

Your wife has gone rogue, is out cheating on you and is even threatening to call the cops on you over nothing. She doesn't want a divorce because she wants to use you as a checkbook while she plays the field.

Your family is right. Go to war and win it

I want to add buy a voice activated recorder (VAR). Use it. You don't want her filing a false domestic violence claim. This is your only protection vs that.

Alright man... I know it's hard but it's time to snap out of it. Stop trying to win the publicity war . Ignore the gossip... if someone asks you something... tell them the truth... other than that you might just have to deal with looking like the bad guy and losing some friends. You need to focus on your life. A woman out of love is as cold as if she never met you. She is your enemy now. She only cares about her and doesn't give 2 shits about you. You need to start documenting everything... the drinking, you being primary care provider, the slander, the naked strangers. And file for D tomorrow and have her served. Or go NC and continue to document for a better outcome when you have her served.. whatever your lawyer says is better. I know your shell shocked but you need to wake up, get your shit together and adapt to the situation now... you already lost your job... is it really the best time to be going to the coast? And at this point... why would you even want your wife back? Stop fueling yourself on gut feelings and hearsay and rumors. Take control of reality. Show her with your actions that this the way things are now. She might have felt neglected and less close to you because of you getting complacent in the marriage... but her affair and the way she is treating you and how she going off the rails is not something you should take the blame for. Start taking control... why did you not ask that woman to leave your bed? Did you even look... how do you know a man wasnt in there too? It's time to file and tell her this is on her and if she wants you back she better get to work. Get out of her frame and force her to take responsibility by walking away and improving yourself.

[This message edited by brandnewwhammy at 4:40 AM, May 29th (Monday)]

I agree with the last 2 posts completely

I'm not one to sound the "Drop that bitch" gong.

But I would start looking at taking care of yourself first. Get some exercise. It helps you think more clearly. Eat what you can. - a little is ok. -

And start envisioning what your life would be like without her. Just try it a little. Even if it's scary.

The picture you paint of her is pretty bleak. I remember thinking that I thought my (now) XW had been abducted by aliens.) Is this a new thing?

Keep in mind you can't control her. And on the same hand, - she can't control you. YOU get to decide what you need and want and how you'll respond. You don't need her approval or that of her family or friends. (although it's good to have a few of your friends in your corner) Take care of and protect your kids. It sounds like she's pretty adversarial. My IC told me one time to drop the rope. (I suppose I should explain- if we were both holding on a rope, and I tried to pull her to "My side," what would she do? - Pull back against it- ) Let her make her choices. Don't fight them. When you fight, she just digs in and gives her energy. Drop the rope. Let her hang herself with it or bond back to you with it. You keep going - being the best "you" that you can be. -- not to win her back or show her you're great, but because you owe it to yourself. And be the best dad you can be.

We're with you.

My friend, listen to men that have been where you are.

1) Being nice will make her be even more inclined to leave.

2) If you don't fight for your parental rights now you will lose them forever.

3) She does not love you and anything you do to try to make her love you will be used as a tool to hurt you.

4) You should treat this like a war and follow your attorney's advice. Take her down while she isn't thinking straight.

Iscreaatthesea,

She is taking the kids out of state to see her dad for a couple weeks and I'm leaving for three weeks to go to the coast.

SEE A LAWYER

Do not let her take the kids out of state = SEE A LAWYER

I can't think of a worse time for you to go to the coast for three weeks = Talk to your boss, explain it, don't go…

SEE A LAWYER

Good luck,

Bye-Bipolar

Do not be a pushover GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE. YOu are on the contract aren't you? Let Pos WW call police and tell them the reason. Otherwise POS WW will turn around and file for abandonment of family.

File a complaint right now that WW took kids away without your permission. Playing hard will make a her come crawling. It is Beta males who overwhelming face infidelity. she already lied to family cal;l all family including in laws and tell what happened. Did you tell POS what you think about him

Her behavior is so gross that it is worthwhile telling your kids what she is doing. She may be already doing it on her s'it self behalf

[This message edited by goalong at 4:33 PM, May 29th (Monday)]

I guess I need to start by saying that the trip she is taking with the kids to see her dad was planned as a family vacation back in January. Secondly I have been paying her Mother on a rent to own basis since we moved into the house. The house is in my WW name under a legal agreement that she pays her mom for the next fourteen years. I am not worried about her leaving the state with my kids for good. I am going to the coast with my mom and sister. They have been my only support through this and I don't want to be left alone in this god forsaken town and state of mind. I have stopped all contact with her unless it is about the kids. She said we could talk when we both got back from our prospective trips. My lawyer said as long as I make monthly child support payments. She can't get me for abandonment. I guess I can see us working through this one day. She had a PA before we were married. We worked through that. I still love her and that has been the hardest part.

So how cruel for her to ask you to leave because you interfered in her infidelity. Still she cannot do it I think because you are married. even a tenant cannot be kicked out like that. Anyhow it seems you are not overly down by her betrayal and cause of actions. Which is good as you can attend to your affairs like doing your job properly. Living your best is the best response to adversity.

So if you want to R it is a must she stop cheating as it seems from your writing that she is indiscriminate in this regard. Show stern resolve when you talk. In her present state of cruel mind she only respect/respond to strength. Begging, crying will give her sadistic peasure

Sorry you have found us but glad you did.

A couple things stick out to me:

You don't have the full truth. Would bet my left testicle this was already a PA.

Is your attorney a family law attorney? Not paying the rent when you are in a rent to own scenario means you are potentially giving up any equity that has been built up. Although your name may not be on the documents, if you are in a joint community state this could have an impact on things.

This is not your first rodeo with her. You are not to be blamed. She is broken and nothing you can do will fix her. Don't give her a third opportunity.

Buy a voice activated recorder and keep it with you when ever you have conversations with her. Keep all text messages and emails as they may come in handy later.

She had a PA before we were married. We worked through that. I still love her and that has been the hardest part.

Apparently you thought you worked through that infidelity, but you actually didn't. This makes her a serial cheater. Start exploring divorce and freedom. Don't anchor yourself to a source of misery.

I think your passive nice guy approach is going to cause you some serious troubles. You are going to get taken to the cleaners by her.

I think your passive nice guy approach is going to cause you some serious troubles. You are going to get taken to the cleaners by her.

She had a PA before we were married. We worked through that.

This is a very clear example of what happens, if you make reconciliation easy for someone, after their EA/PA. Ok...I am making an assumption here. But if you had let her carry most of the burden for reconciliation after her first affair, she would have known how difficult it is to put back the pieces together after an affair and that would have served as a lesson she never forgot.

Sorry if that sounded condescending. But if you are going to give her a third chance, at least this time keep in mind the importance of letting her do most of the work.

She had a PA before we were married. We worked through that.

No you didn't.

She had a PA before we were married. We worked through that.

No you didn't.

Yes you did. But it may not have been effective. If you're going to stay with her, (which I'm not saying you should or shouldn't do) it would behoove you to do it differently this time.

Update I had to go to the house this morning to haul a bunch of trash to the dump. She was all hungover from drinking to much last night. I had the kids again last night. They go back to her tonight. She was in the shower and I peeked at her phone. Come to find out her sister in law down in Texas has been Man shopping for her. so she can meet these supposed sweet guys while my WW is down there with my kids. She was describing the guy as a sweetheart but here is the kicker her sister in law who is married to my WW brother his W cheated on him awhile back but after 2 years they reconciled. She told my WW that if my WW didn't try to Fuck this guy. That she(my Brother in laws W was going to fuck him. and ended her message by saying she just wants my WW to be around people she can trust. Her sister in law is one sick puppy. Next message I saw revealed that the SOB she cheated on me with before we were married (he is married now too) is meeting up with her this morning to talk. I didn't reveal I had this information. However I told her she has till the end of her trip to make up her mind and if she hasn't pulled her head out of her ass I was filing for D. I told her she needed to take a deep long look at her own actions. I told her I am past the heart break stage and that now I am losing all the respect I have for her. And that I was no longer willing to take all the fault for the position I am in. I told her I would be taking the kids every other week this summer if she decides to go that route.She told me she would take the time to think hard about her actions, she said she would do that, And that she was sure she would miss me while we are apart.Thanks for listening to me vent. One more thing i will add thank god for Xanax and family and this forums support, or I think I would be the one going off the deep end. LOL

[This message edited by Iscreaatthesea at 2:37 PM, May 30th (Tuesday)]

Might want to send a heads up to your BIL.

You realize they're not meeting to *talk* right? I think his wife might need a heads up too.

Are you really sure you want to try R? One of the biggest conditions you are going to have to put in place is that she has no contact with her sister anymore. Would that even be feasible?

Personally I would file for divorce now and have the papers waiting for her on her return. You are not plan B!

Strength