SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One purse on the table doesn't mean anything. There could have been a naked woman in YOUR bed alongside another man. Honesty, why didn't you look?

Your wife is playing you like a cheap drum . Look online for printable divorce packets for your state. You may have to get a packet at the county courthouse. You can get your own paperwork started and indirectly know you are starting the next step to divorce.

Honestly, this is her second time at least=serial cheater. How miserably she has treated you this time and the fact she is a serial cheater, which can't be fixed, your best bet is to get the best deal you can.

What state do you live in?

I happen to agree with 5454 here....you can file now, upon her return, have the papers in hand. Set down with her and simply say....WELL???

If there is any hesitation, hand her to papers and say "your pause is answer enough".

You deserve much much more, the hurdle you have now is that you need to see how much more your deserve. This is the woman that is suppose to have your back.

I also support giving your BIL a heads up too. He deserves more as well. Any chance you can get a screen shot of the message? That would be priceless.

I so wish i would have had time to get the screen shots but i didn't I would have sent that shit to her whole family.

"I so wish i would have had time to get the screen shots but i didn't I would have sent that shit to her whole family."

I totally understand your desire to do that, but you might find yourself in court for a breach of privacy if you did that. I know it sucks, but the law in many cases works in favour of cheats. However, maybe next time you can take pictures with your phone and keep the evidence for yourself. And as another poster said, you can get in touch with your brother in law and tell him about your sister-in-law's plans to cheat. Don't tell him exactly how you know, just that do, and that he needs to keep an eye on his wife.

WW as her whole family convinced that I am just an over jealous asshole who has neglected to love her for several years. Everybody But my SIL anyway. SIL obviously knows the true nature of things. I am considering talking to all the good divorce lawyers in town and we have some good ones here. So that she has a hard time finding one that is worth a shit. I might also add that I only have enough saved up to find a stable place for me and the kids to live when they come to stay with me.Since I lost my job and have no income at the moment. Might have some unemployment benefits coming my way while I look for work but that is it.I may have to save more money for lawyer and divorce fees later. I have to be able to prove I can still provide shelter and stability for them or I wont stand a chance in hell at keeping them. My Kids come first. WW has no income she works during school months she just started her job about 2 months ago and wont receive another pay check till September. However her name is on our house. WW insists that she will not do anything to try and take my kids with me. She told them they could go with me whenever they want. I hope at least she is being honest about that. We both agree that this needs to be as civil as possible as to not drag the kids through the mud. I have been there sole financial stability the entire time they have been alive. So I believe I have that going for me. I allowed WW and encourage her to be a stay at mom for the last 8 years. She may be a lot of horrible things but she has always been a damn good mother to her kids.

[This message edited by Iscreaatthesea at 6:18 PM, May 30th (Tuesday)]

Forward those messages to your phone.

Just take her phone and do it.

I am beginning to regret ever agreeing to move out of the our house. I did it with out much thought even though I new better. I believe she has used the time not for space but to pursue other M interests. I have to take the kids back to her in a few hours and i won't get to see them again for three weeks until after my birthday and fathers day. Me and my WW 5 year anniversary is the 30th of June. Which makes me even more upset that I may not be spending our day together. Tonight I feel like a basket case I have a things to get ready for my trip and I can barely function. My Mom dealt her my dad cheating on her for years. She is really my only support and I am opening old wounds in her heart and she is becoming more reluctant to listen to me which makes me feel like I'm losing all my moral support.

[This message edited by Iscreaatthesea at 6:58 PM, May 30th (Tuesday)]

Sometimes you have to step away from friends and family if they are not giving you the support you need. Taking a trip with two people who are not providing support might be a bad idea. You need this time to process this all and decide what you want.

So now i found out she has already added this guy from Texas that My BIL W recommended she hook up with down there. I am in a deep struggle with my self if i should contact my BIL I know he will call my WW and she will probably find a way to make me look like an asshole again. I am so confused and upset she doesn't even know this guy yet and I bet you money they are already talking on messenger. My mom says I need to stop looking at her facebook shit. She calls it seeking pain. I feel like i am seeking answers and at this point even though I feel deep love for my wife. I feel I should call this whole marriage off and just file for D. because WW is only playing more games. Not telling me shit about how she really feels It's almost like she is desperate to find anyway to get out from under me. I am worried that if she starts a thing with this guy out of state her next move will be to try and move down there and take my kids with her. This would absolutely devastate me. I am so lost right now.

[This message edited by Iscreaatthesea at 7:47 PM, May 30th (Tuesday)]

So file. Have it stated in the decree that she can't move out of state with the kids.

See your lawyer,

now

Strength brother

[This message edited by 5454real at 7:48 PM, May 30th (Tuesday)]

Yes, it's over, call a lawyer, like today. When is this trip? Have you read the " Hindsight" thread?

You didn't sign up for this, cut her loose and think twice before ever letting her back in.

Iscreaatthesea,

I'm so sorry you are here but glad you found us. If you read my story in my profile, you will find I have gone through worse than you are going through with many similarities. I want you to know that based on what you say your wife is doing, there is hope but you really need to play your cards right. I have strong beliefs against divorce even through what I went through and I went through almost hell..

Within a several month period of time I have been hit over the head with a hard object, punched in the face, spit on, told I was a useless husband and father, that she hated me and never loved me, destroyed my gov't equipment, destroyed a cell phone etc...

You see I am a penetration tester and after finding out she was with a convicted child molester I unleashed my craft against her. I would contact her cheaters before her hookups and tell them to go away. Anyone she would talk to about me, I'd send them proof of her infidelity. She felt trapped in that she couldn't take part in that behavior without leaving.

Just like what you said... this wasn't her. It wasn't the woman I knew for more than a decade. Can I tell you that my wife just told me 5 days ago that she loved me??? That made my world and we are in real reconciliation. I'm telling you that it could get worse but here is hope.

I'd be willing to be that there could be some sexual abuse in her past?

I salvaged my marriage by going against most of the advice here. As much as I wanted to @#$@ her up and leave her and take the children from her and likely get her incarcerated, I didn't.

With all of that said, I also protected myself. I kept a recording app on my phone that saved to the cloud and started it anytime things would get heated. I stayed in the house and didn't leave it for child custody reasons. I started a journal of everything she did that was bad for child custody as well as everything good that I did for child custody. I enrolled in IC and MC to help deal with the anger issues I faced during this because I did have several times I yelled at her and once I called her a Bitch and equated her to a crack whore... the first time I ever spoke derogatorily of a woman in almost 20 years.

This is about you and how strong you are to fight or your children and your marriage. If this behavior is not the core of who your wife is then you have to understand that she is hurting right now and probably hates herself and you remind her of that hurt every time she sees you.

How do you be strong and not allow the cheating yet be soft and reveal your love for her. That will be your battle.

I can tell you that no one would blame you either way... whether you stay or leave. But I personally knew I could go at least to the next day and it took almost 2 years for my wife to come out of the fog and come to herself. I wish the best for you and your family.

ok so brother in laws wife is going to fuck this other dude ?? You need to let him know in advance. We don't need any more clientele here.

You have been very passive. Your wife has gone out of control.

Seek good attorneys and get as much as you can out of this divorce agreement. Move on

This sounds like the Young and the Restless at this point

furthermore, when you get a divorce, go no contact with the disgusting people in her family (maybe not all but certainly those who you know have betrayed you and your marriage). For those you don't go no contact with, share only what you are comfortable in sharing.

Lawyer up and prevent the kid's movement

Dude you need to stop taking a back seat. First of all... I know your hurt. But you have to suck it up. Your hesitating because your scared that any strong actions will send your wife over the final cliff. You can't be scared. You need to let her go. You should have already filed for divorce. You should have done that day one. You can't live off fear anymore. You need to fight back. You need to start handling things in the moment with decisiveness and harshness. It blows my mind why you didn't immediately walk into YOUR bedroom and ask that woman to leave... I have doubts it was just her in there. Your kids. Like have her With you. Why did you not walk into the bathroom with your wife's phone, take screenshots, and send them. Tell your wife what your thinking. Tell her the fact that she is demonizing you when she's cheating on you breaks your heart and is the reason that you are done. And it's going to. Real your children's heart when they are old enough to know everything. Tell her she's crazy to think that she is taking your kids to Texas to meet other men. Put a stop to it... don't let her take the kids anywhere. fight back now! And yes! Tell your brother in law today. TODAY! All he has to do is look at her texts. Fuck this. look at for you. Fuck R how could you possibly want her back.

This man (your BIL) deserves to know what his wife (who has already cheated) has said and what she really thinks and he deserve to know that it was said to his own sister and his own sister was ok with it.

I dont care if your scared that telling the BIL with no proof will be used against you to make you look worse... your telling the truth. All he has to do is look... she's already cheated once and your wife has already added a guy from Texas she's never met. Your BIL knows the signs. He will look I promise. This could blow up in your favor. And if it blows up against you... you still get to look her in the eye and tell her that's she knows damn well what was on those messages as you hand her divorce papers and it was sick that she betrayed her own brother as well as her husbabd. You MUST tell him today! The fact that his wife is considering cheating on him and his own sister is complacent in it is something he needs to know bro. How do you think the family would feel about that!? Do the right thing. Your next update needs to be after you've told him.

Tell him everything. Ask him for advice. He's been through it. Bond with him get him on your side. He knows when a woman is full of shit. Tell him all the bad things she says about you aren't true. Tell him all the things you have discovered about her affairs. Her drinking, the naked woman in bed, meeting up with former affair partner this morning, all of it... but must of all that his wife and sister are both betraying him

[This message edited by brandnewwhammy at 9:09 AM, May 31st (Wednesday)]

She is taking the kids out of state to see her dad for a couple weeks and I'm leaving for three weeks to go to the coast.

I know this was early in your thread but most states will look at this as you abandoned the family and the kids and she could use this against you for custody and child support.

Your WW is actively cheating. Arranging hook ups, looking for men. YOU KNOW THIS.

File while you can have an ounce of a chance to retain any custody rights and martial assets.

Do you really want your kids with her while she is in Texas looking for her next hook up?

She is not going to suddenly wake up and "pick you" and is this really what you want?

she has always been a damn good mother to her kids

No, she hasn't. A good mom doesn't lie and cheat and break up her family. A good mom does not take her kids on a trip and plan her "hook ups" while they are with her. A good mom puts her kids first and from what you post, it is all about her.

Time for you to take action because if you don't, then guess what? She will and you are going to be without your kids or anything else and wishing even more that this is NOT your life.

(((gently))) What are you waiting for?

Lawyer up and go back to your home.

That is your home and you caught her having an affair.

No reason to move out just because she got pissed about you finding out.

Hell, you're pissed off too. She cheated. All you did is find out and she intercepted your messages about it.

You're the husband. You're supposed to be her only man. So hell yes that would make you angry and jealous and want to find the truth. That's textbook for normal.

If you can hack it, go back to your house.

Better yet, arrive there with papers and ask her to leave until she decides she can grow up and be a faithful wife.

Been a while since I updated on my situation. She took my kids to Texas on Vacation and they are all home. After I left to the coast and WW was still in our hometown. Someone logged on to my MIL messenger on Facebook and sent me riddles were the answer was "beat it" a voice clip of what sounded like my oldest son voice saying " I miss you" but it didn't quite sound like my son. Who ever it was definitely new how my son talks. There spelling was horrible and they new my WW and kids were going to Texas and said my kids would do fine there. They then asked were I was. My MIL and My WW know exactly were I am. I called MIL and asked her if she was on messenger. She said no which scared us all. I had my mom call my wife who acted shocked and genuinely upset that I her mom and I had been hacked. But WW claimed no knowledge of who could have done it.

I contacted my kids daily while they were on vacation at her dads. She was civil and let me talk to the kids whenever I wanted but we didn't say anything to each other except for bye and she had to explain some of the things my youngest son was saying to me he is three. She seemed cold and distant.

On there way back she called to tell me she would be going to meet an old girlfriend in a town three hours away the day before and day of our anniversary. I don't buy her story. But told her I cannot and would not try to stop her from going. She told me I needed to watch the kids while she was gone. She told me I could move back into our home when I get back. But only to provide stability for the kids because she admits it has been hard on them. WW then tried to friend zone me and said we have to start there and see were things go from there. I told her I couldn't just be her friend that I needed more than that but was willing to start with small steps. She told me there is still a good chance things will not work out. I will be home at the beginning of next week. Should I try a 180 or be a mystery man? How do I deal with the awkwardness? She asked if we could all start eating at the table as a family and expressed she needs more help getting the kids to bed at night. Which I agreed to do. She said she would go with me to dinner for our anniversary before she leaves town. I have considered putting a VAR in her car but I am limited on funds. And can't find a cheap one that will record for more than 12 hours I need something that will record for about 2 days. I will catch her eventually and get proof anyways given time. Someone gave her all sorts of info on how to go underground and her phone is now locked up tighter than a drum. I cannot confront her with out absolute proof that I can screenshot of forward. She uses my laptop occasionally and I am going to put a keylogger on it. Thanks for listening to me rant.

You. Need. To. Slap. Her. With. Divorce. Papers.

You already know she's lying, you know she's actively trying to fuck other men and probably is, she kicked you out of the house (Still not getting why you left to begin with), is disrespecting you repeatedly, and at this point obviously wants nothing to do with you.

Sorry but I have no idea what your strategy is here or if you even have one. But if how you've been handling this is your strategy, you're going about it the wrong way.

Not trying to pile on but as someone said earlier you really need to stop taking a back seat with all of this and grab the wheel. Because right now your wife has the wheel while you're on top of the car holding on for dear life hoping she doesn't crash and she doesn't give a shit.

Yes you need to do the 180. And just a reminder, the 180 is not a strategy to get your wife back or interested in you. It's a tool to help you mentally detach and maintain as much emotional stability as you can to deal with what you're going through. Sometimes it has the effect of snapping a WS out of the fog but not always. I wouldn't even say most of the time.

Also you need to start being more careful with messenger, VARS, etc. And especially this website. Do not let your wife see ANY of it.

I think your best bet would be to have her served. Don't give her a warning, don't give her a heads up, don't give her "one last warning"/threat/ultimatum, etc. I'm pretty sure you've done more than enough talking.

You need to start taking action. A spouse who cheats has done one of the most disrespectful things you can do to a spouse. The best way to get that respect back is to lay down consequences and take action. Everything you've done I imagine has caused your wife to lose even more respect for you than she had. Which makes her even less inclined to want to be with you. Again not trying to pile on, you made the same mistakes plenty of posters who come here make.

Your best chance to get your family back is to actually start taking ACTION, not more words. And if that doesn't work, taking action will at least get you on the road to getting out of the marriage.

[This message edited by JS84 at 3:36 AM, June 18th (Sunday)]

So x days later you're still in the same place you were when you started posting?

Your wife is still having sex with other blokes and you keep asking her nicely to decide what she wants and she says I'm not sure..why don't you wait here while I go meet other guys?

Curious she's gone off the deepend but hasn't robbed a bank or committed any crimes..most likely because if she did the penalty would be immediate arrest and jail but cheating on you she'll just get asked nicely to consider her choices and make a decision.