SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

About showing your involvement as a parent, document everything and talk to your lawyer about this asap.

Sorry for your pain. Your wifes reaction every step of the way should give you an indication of where her head is at. She really had no intentions of Reconciliation, only rugsweeping so she could continue dating other men while she is using you for a safety net and baby sitter.

Sorry for the 2x4s , but you need to quit being passive in this . You need to fight for your kids, they need you . Your wife has shown zero respect for you and will continue to do so through this process. Eventually she will make all attempts to turn the kids against you so that they dont want to spend time with you if you don't act now.

See a lawyer and file today, dont let your wife file first , because if she does she will have the upper hand and the courts will continue to serve you shit sandwhiches that your wife has prepared. Get a VAR and carry it with you at all times. She will eventually set you up as a neglectful , abusive person to get full custody. Its time for you to fight and stand up for yourself and your kids , otherwise your gonna get steamrolled.

As they say here... your wife has shown you who she is, believe her. If you havent notified the OBS , do so now . She can help you with more info .

There is something very specific still bothering me. I don't feel like looking back through the thread but I think I mentioned this before. Her brothers wife cheated on him. Your wife and his wife were joking around about cheating. That mans WW was telling her BH's fucking sister that she was going to cheat on him again. "If you don't fuck him, I will." Not only is she a cheater but she is joking, with her husbands sister, about doing it again. Add that to the fact that she was literally trying to get her husbands sister to cheat. On top of the that, this mans own sister was complacent and participating in her brothers wife possibly engaging in infidelity again, after she already put him through hell. Out of everything this is might be the worse thing your wife has done. Betrayed her own brother and not caring that her brothers wife was threatening to betray him again. Your wife's brother deserves to know his wife and sister were engaging like this. You need to tell him. Do the right thing, it's not like you have anything to lose from doing this anyway. Even if you don't have the screen shots. He has enough experience of what his wife is capable of, enough evidence from your wife admitting to their parents and the fact that his wife is the only way she could know Texas guy anyway... atleast enough to get the wheels turning for his own investigation. It's not like anything could get worse... who knows maybe this is what wakes her up to the piece of shit she's being...

[This message edited by brandnewwhammy at 8:55 AM, June 27th (Tuesday)]

If you don't file first, I see this ending badly.

It's time to make your move, or you will surely regret it.

I'm thinking you won't, and you'll be one of those in a few months that come back wishing you had listened to all the advice then.

retain an attorney immediately. Start documenting all of this lunacy today. You cannot be passive or naive with a person like this...she will ruin you without giving it a 2nd thought. Lawyer up now !!

Yes, like everyone has said, go get an attorney ASAP. Also, talk to your attorney about temporary orders you can put in place to preserve yourself into the home and in your kids lives. These orders can also be a basis for orders in the decree.

This may sound like a stupid question but. Why is it so important that I file first? What advantage does this have in a divorce?

By filing first you get alot of control in the process of the divorce ,otherwise your wife and her lawyer will be pulling you along trying to dictate all the terms.

This really depends on where you are filing and hence why you need to get started immediately with an attorney in your area/jurisdiction to find out what can be advantageous or can disadvantage you. Some of the following may or may not pertain to you but have been shared from others situations,

Temporary orders - these are in place to keep things status quo while seperation or divorce is under way. You want to keep your kids in the marital home for their benefit. You want to maintain residence there. You want to keep WW from turning it into her single life sex crib in front of you and the kids with different men rotating in and out of the home each week so ask your attorney what restrictions can be put in place. These temporary orders also can set some precedence for how custody is decided in the final decree. As my own attorney has explained that when time comes for finalizing the D and your kids adjusted well living with you a majority of the time in your care during few months or up to a year of the D process then the judge may feel compelled to keep things the way they are in the best interest of the children. So, TO's can model your ideal custody arrangement with proof it works for the children.

Where the D is filed will matter to you if things get contentious. If this is the case in your neck of the woods, your WW and her attorney can file in a different jurisdiction, county, parish or what have you to make going to court a real out of the way pain the ass experience.

Also, like 1survivor said, you will be drivers seat of the process going forward while she is in the position to respond. For example, you and your attorney getting those TO's issued ASAP. You don't want her to issue them first, do you?

[This message edited by Jduff at 9:34 AM, June 28th (Wednesday)]

Legal semantics and "advantages" aside: In your case it's clear this woman is going to try and cut your balls off...so it behooves you to have your legal ducks in a row like yesterday.

any update?

There is yet another man in the picture. One of me and my brothers good friends was in town over the Fourth of July she my friend had no idea we were seperated. She was at our wedding. Long story short my friend went to the bar to meet with some friends and caught my wife receiving oral sex by a guy I have known for years in the bar parking lot. She confronted my WW who just laughed and drove away with the guy in her car. My friend called the police and reported her for DUI but the cops did nothing. I didn't find out until two days later no one wanted to let the elephant out of the room. My wife filed for divorce last week she got the cheapest lawyer she can find ($500.00). I still haven't been served papers yet. I am looking for a lawyer that has a good track history. I have the money set aside. I have had the kids with me most of the time except while I'm at work. WW has been drinking and partying heavily. I have been documenting everything including how much the children have been staying with me. I recorded her being very verbally and mentally abusive to me in front of my kids. While I remained calm and respectful. You can hear me trying to calm my kids down during her verbal assault. She is up in the mountains camping with the guy from the bar and her new town pump station girlfriends. I once again have my kids which I don't mind because I know they are safe and have stability when they are with me. She kept crying around about needing her space. But she would show up at my families houses while I was there on a daily basis acting nice and friendly to everyone but me. Finally I told her if she wanted her space she would have to stop coming by my mom and sisters house which made her cry. She told me she had major issues as a child that she was not willing to talk to me about. I think she was molested by some of her older brothers friends when she was young. Anyway since I told her to stop coming around we have gone no contact which has been somewhat healing for me. I have pretty much accepted fate that our marriage is doomed and began to concentrate on the fight I know is coming in court. I hope that when I go to court heavily armed with documentation and recordings of her being drunk and out of control in front of my kids that I will have the upper hand. She acts like a five year old who can't get her way. So I will do everything in my power to make sure our divorce turns into a living hell for her. WW still doesn't have a job and now her mother has to move in with Her at the end of august because her mom was who I paid the house payment to. And now that I don't live there her mom can't afford her apartment. I have never seen someone act so selfish as my WW. She is putting everybody through hell including her own mother it is insane. She is insane.

[This message edited by Iscreaatthesea at 6:58 PM, July 15th (Saturday)]

I feel your pain....

I confronted my wife and we were in R for 2 weeks and then she moved out.

She has gaslighted me to the extreme including in her package for our temporary hearing. She has accused me of some of the most awful things and even tried to get me on "Supervised Visitation" even though throughout our entire marriage she has called me a great husband and father including just a month before she started the affair.

I find myself asking how is this my wife and how can she be so absolutely selfish so I know where you are coming from.

I would just say... My wife is capable of anything and so is your wife. You have to realize this and protect yourself. You are in a war and you can never let your guard down.

There have been times when I thought my old wife was back or something and act accordingly... She proceeded to use things against me.

Please... Please... Just never trust her.

sorry to hear that latest update...but clearly, as we expected, she is totally checked out.

Keep documenting...but please get a lawyer retained!!

My wife filed for divorce last week she got the cheapest lawyer she can find ($500.00). I still haven't been served papers yet. I am looking for a lawyer that has a good track history

It's certainly smart to find the RIGHT lawyer...but don't drag your feet...especially if you know she already filed. This woman is a train wreck and you need to get you & your kids "protected" asap.

Once you get served you must respond timely or default judgment can be taken against you. So don't dawddle on tbe attorney shopping.

So don't dawddle on tbe attorney shopping.

Dude! Everybody here was telling you to get a lawyer a month ago and you're just now looking?

Lawdy, have mercy!

You still need to tell your wife's brother that his sister and wife were joking about cheating on him...

How's go it?

I got served last Friday and have an appointment with my lawyer later next week. She is asking for primary custody of our kids with loose visitation. She also wants me to pay for her lawyer. Her mom had to move in with her because after I moved out her mom could no longer afford to pay her rent. The kids have been staying with me approximately half the time with me at my place. Since the beginning of July when I moved out. I am meticulously documenting all the time they are with me. WW is more worried about stupid shit like the house and how long the divorce will take. I am just worried about my kids and getting split custody. She wants this divorce not me and she is crazy if she thinks I will pay for her lawyer or just roll over and let her get primary custody. I have the kids all set up with their own bedroom and all the things they will need to stay with me. I having been working my ass of to come up extra money. She still doesn't have a job and is living with mommy. I will know more after i talk to my attorney next week. I am keeping a positive attitude and pouring my hearts and soul into making sure my kids are comfortable and happy as can be under the circumstances. I have given up on my WW I really don't care what she does anymore and have gone no contact with her. As long a she doesn't put my kids in danger I care less what she does. I am also going to have orders drawn up stating that she cannot move out of state with my kids. She thinks this will be a quick process but in the state we live in divorce takes at least a year if not longer when children are involved. I am taking better care of myself now. And I amstill going to counseling. I have accepted this as reality and am just ready to fight like hell for my kids.

Is that friend who caught your wife getting oral willing to testify? This was before anyone filed.....