SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The things she wrote about you. The things she wrote about him. The things she wrote about her M. In your house, in your bed. Fuck that there is no way. You can do a lot better. The A only ended cause he died not because she was feeling guilt at the time & it took her over a year to get over him if she really ever did.

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 11:06 AM, November 18th (Saturday)]

AO,

9 year afair, first just for fin then full Steam emocional that took her a year yo greave the Lost of her lover.

I al sure the A would had cotinue, the question is if she was planning to leave you for him. What was she waiting for? Kids go to college ? I al sorry but IMHO you are her plan B. After loosing the love of her life she sttle with you! until A ended your wife treathed you not so good , seems like she just wanted out but OM didnt agreed.

What she told you os her digested fixed and treflected versión oficial what happened. Allí ww tryed to explain to their self why did the A happened. Sorry but you didnt fotos the whole true, just the conclusions.

Who else knew? This persons need to be gone asap. Maybe dime Friends that she allowed you te interact with knowing what she was doings. Sorry these are not your Friends. I get that her sister knew before you, the key thing is that she Will support her sister better that you but unfortunally It explain but not justify her sister bot telling you. This is not fair and your Ww puto ver sister ok this possition but you should sever ties with the sister.

Her affair lasted 9 years, greaving her lover 1 and almost 9 years of líes . She has Bernal cheating on you for 19 years, most part of your marriage is a lie, sopecial moments, anyversarirs, etc, all a lie!

Last thing

Allí that she wrotte she meant It at that moment. And all that she wrotte you just has a small part. 9 years is just to muchas time to justicia produce that little

A,

Don't even entertain D or R right now. This is no time to carry that burden.

Your church membership indicates you believe in a higher power.

Seek pastoral counseling.

I’m juggling kids today so can’t comment in the detail that you deserve but you need to verify the death of her boyfriend. It should be a simple enough thing to google.

AO,

As Bigger mentioned, and others have noted, there is a lot of positive here. Yet, there is still much crap, and I’m sorry.

Like mentioned before, ignore the comments that you were or are plan B. Only your wife knows this. Further, ignore the comments that the affair would still be going on, or that she would have left you for him, if he was still alive. Only she knows this, and I suggest that this is something you must ask her, if you choose to speak with her again.

In other words, unless one is psychic, none of us can answer these questions but for your wife.

Enjoy football today. I think you deserve some glorious mindlessness at the moment. Maybe order some pizza?

[This message edited by Drumstick at 11:25 AM, November 18th (Saturday)]

AO, I have to say, like stevesn, reading your confrontation made me tear up. I can't even imagine the depth of pain that you are in right now.

There will be time to pick this apart, and for you to decide what direction you want to go. Right now the most important thing is how you are doing.

I'm glad that she left and has given you the space you need right now. I know you probably want to be by yourself right now, but hopefully at some point this weekend you have a trusted friend that you could reach out to and let them know what's going on so that they can give you some support.

PLEASE take care of yourself right now, and stay away from trying to numb yourself with alcohol.

No matter what direction you go in people here will support you as it's your life and the ultimate goal is to get yourself to a place where you can find peace and happiness.

Is the worst over? Who's to say but at least you now have a lot of answers to many of the initial questions you had. There will certainly be more questions as you go through the process. Grieving is a process and you can jump from one step to another (and back) at any moment in time. Allow yourself to grieve.

Just know however, that you at least have a better idea of what you are dealing with, and knowing that you can certainly start the process of healing because now you can start to piecemeal a plan of attack to deal with all of this.

Also AO, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, please trust this.

My heart hurts for you right now, and I will be praying for wisdom, strength, courage, and peace for you (and your wife) right now.

Hang in there my friend. Our lives are one big novel. Some chapters are so awesome and we wish they would never end while others are heartbreaking and we can't wait for it to end. Either way, each chapter will end and once you start a new chapter who knows what's around the corner in this thing called life that each of us are so blessed to experience.

God bless my friend.

I will post more thoughts later but the absolute worst thing you can do now is to decide to reconcile or divorce. While I respect the previous posters you need time to make rational decisions. Plenty of time. It's not like the OM still lurks. Watch Michigan and chill for the day

Strength my brother.

We will be here when you need us.

It's a good start, sounds like you handled things well. Hope your doin ok.

Our prayers are with you.

I have no words other than you have a lot to digest. Come back when you feel up to it.

I believe you’re going to eventually conclude that “I won my wife by default”. You’ve had some advice to listen to what she says, and while that’s all nice, you judge by actions, not necessarily by what she says now. How can she prove anything? She was thrown the curveball that FORCED you to be her #1 again. If you ask her if she believes she’d still be active in the affair if he hadn’t died what can she say? Three things……yes, no and I don’t know. If “yes”, I don’t know how you could overcome that. If “no”, how can you believe that? Especially when they were together nine years and it took a year of therapy to deal with HER loss of HIM. If “I don’t know”, I’d respond by saying you’ve had nine years to entertain that thought and “I don’t know” doesn’t cut it.

You have what will probably be the toughest decision of your life in front of you. Take the time so many are advising. The current separation will help you a lot. My hope is that ten years from now, you know you made the decision that best suited you.

Wow this was hard to read. Take your time and enjoy some alone time.

I don't want to imagine the anger stage. On one hand you have to give her credit for not hiding things from you and be prepared for this moment. But on the other hand, she decided for both of you, all the times that you where lied too and the time she took from you. And lastly the bs is the last to know.

I wish you the best brother.

I was trying to feel what the time frame is and the time that she had two husbands was the time of my marriage then after OM died is pretty much the same time period that I was divorced until now.

It is a long time to have half a wife...

Sadly there's little doubt in my mind that if he was not dead your wife would be with him either as a wife or AP.

She has kept all a bunch of stuff because it was and still is important to her. A link to him.

Wow, what a screwed up life she chose. First the affair which became a second life then after the car crash, choosing to keep it to herself when you could have have a chance to decide to stay with her or go. A selfish decision.

She "may" be a good candidate for R but are you? Take your time, there are a lot of good people here who have been though a lot.

Virtual bro hug...

Sorry man.

It hurts just to read this

2 questions

Why did she keep 2 photos?

Why did she keep the terapy letters?

I could be wrong but looks like a widow that keeps memories.

Of course she will say that were kept to show you if you ever find out. It works for the letters but not for the pics.

[This message edited by Mrhealed at 1:18 PM, November 18th (Saturday)]

You will have so much pain and so many questions.

I don’t know if R or D is correct. I am not one who believes in plan A or plan B.

They were able to have a long term affair because it was easy. 8 years and neither left their illicit world for real life.

Google his name. An online obit will come up. If you can’t find one. Go to the library and Look through newspapers.

Please allow me to share what I have learned.

Affairs do not bring out the best in anyone. Not the wayward. Not the AP and not the BS.

Their relationship wasn’t the best of anything. It couldn’t have been. They were two people participating in evil. There is no better evil for the Devil’s work than an affair.

Please purchase Sarah Young’s book. Hope Through His Presence. You can order it off of Amazon. Or run to Hobby Lobby and purchase it today.

I am so sorry your life has this disgusting piece in it. Praying for you, your wife and your family.

Sorry for do many posts, but I think this is important.

Be prepare for her calling and cryibg alot, but the real concen os your WW mayor tryed to suicide. Talk to your Sister inlaw to keep antes eye on her all the time.

Good luck

I'm going to be one of those guys that everyone is talking about.

Think about this...

What if he hadn't died? What would now look like?

I'll tell you what...one of two things. She'd either be in year 18 of the A, or she'd have left you years ago for him.

But because he died, NOW she wants you. You are her Plan B which became Plan A bc her preferred plan A died.

F that. You deserve better.