SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

180 - love it, live it.

She is manipulating you. The obvious interpretation of her actions is she could have been dumped and will now expect you to come back. Second, exposure worked and they're taking it underground. Third, she's setting you up for something. None of these are good.

If she was truly being nice for nice's sake then she would have communicated this to you much differently.

You need to be in the 180 and you absolutely need legal advice.

I'm staying 180. just thought it odd on the face book deal. She could have shit in a bowl and posted it and he would have liked it. and the being pleasant. I exposed her as well, I also confronted her about the lies she told about me and asked why and she broke down. That was Tuesday. Nice since then.

I should actually correct that. I didn't expose her outright, just the lies she told.

Well could it be that he has been approached by his superiors? So he has had to back off of her?

Or she is being advised already about a D and was told she has to lay low, be nice, get rid of evidence?

Sadly they are not doing it to get the BS back, this is not R, this is her trying to manipulate the system again and someone is coaching her in what to do.

Keep getting your ducks in a row, ignore her. She will possibly also try to "love bomb" you if what she is doing now does not work, meaning wanting sex, pretending she wants to be around you, etc... she is probably finding out she is in a shit position and is trying to figure out how to get it done while still fooling you.

Its sad when we have to write this kind of stuff because what truly moral and ethical people do this kind of stuff? But a WS heavy in an A? They are as unpredictable as a caged animal, they will bite the hand that feeds them to get what they perceive they want.

[This message edited by realitybites at 6:34 AM, August 26th (Saturday)]

She complained that her boss at work is being harder on her now and her bestie at work is too. The bestie knows about the A. I have no idea what is going on. I'm just in serious defense mode now, watching for any tell tale signs. I suspect OM is angry as hell that I'm back and he has no idea what's going on. He may have given her an ultimatum. I don't know. I do know that he is unwilling to help her financially and she has no where to go if she leaves. I have a couple of female friends that say it's entirely possible given all the circumstances that they are having issues or possible broken it off. All the same I remain vigilant and tape.....

How old are your kids?

My guess as to what happen/is happening. He is one of those types that promise the world but have zero follow through.

He has gotten some word from command that he is being investigated and has told your WW they need to lay low and and put things on hold for a month or two. He probably told her to "act" nice so that you aren't angry if you get questioned.

If they had broken-up with now hope she would be sobbing, and angry, and acting a little crazy. If she knew you had reported him she would be angry and a little crazy with you. Asking why, and trying to tell you what to do to fix it.

Now is not the time to let you guard down. It's time for shields up. 180 kids and finance only... start working on a visitation plan for when you have the kids and when she will have them.

It will be tempting to take this as hope and sweep everything under the rug but... this is not how you want to reconcile. The affair will never end and you will experience this all over again.

^^^Well said

Those were some great points. The most effective thing that you can do right now is to see a lawyer and have the lawyer send a letter to his CO. That allows you to do the two things you must do the most - get out of infidelity (exposure) and protecting yourself legally.

Will do. Just confused by this behavior. She's acting like she did before the affair began. I saw a couple of other posts to my thread to watch for the sex angle. Said she will try to use that to manipulate me in some way. That's a negative. Don't know what diseases that shit birdmay have picked up in 30 years in the navy. She did seem to realize the other night that she has nowhere to go and he isn't going to support her. I would say he's also extremely pissed at her for not getting me back out of here. I have no idea what's happening, all can do is expect worse case scenario and be prepared for it.

I would hae the lawyer on this asap.

You need to sho the Posom and your wife you mean business.

Also check laws in your state concerning divorce and adultery.

With the many episodes on this and other boards, reconciliation is a definite possibility but it takes two to tango and it will take three to five years for you to reach a form of normalcy. Its a given that the marriage you had is a thing of the past. You may make a new marriage but there is a good chance of false reconcilliation.

My biggest concern would be her ability to destroy your family for such a serial cheating lowlife.

The lawyer can help getting a court order to keep him away from your children in the event he shows up.

Try googleing dads divorce.com and see if they have any resources for your location.

May be POS and WW playing a cooling game just to ride out inquiries from the POS's supervisor

It can also be your 180. Most cheaters need the the attention, care and love of the BS to enjoy cheating, now that you are no longer proving it WW cannot enjoy it as before

If POSOM has totally disappeared, then I think his command has started investigating him and he realizes his entire career is in jeopardy.

If you gave them ALL the evidence you had, including the communication where he discussed systems on his ship, then he is in REAL deep shit right now.....

Not just to lose his security clearance, but to be court martialed for making an unauthorized disclosure of classified information.

He could be seriously fucked.....

And he will definitely have been issued a no contact order by his command effective immediately.

Sounds like POSOM was never really going to support your WW financially anyway based on what you posted.....

But if he has vanished, your WW is now REALLY being confronted with the fact she has no where to go and no financial support if you D her......

POSOM has made it clear by disappearing that he will not be there to catch her....

This is why she has suddenly become nice.

If you still have any more communications or info proving the A that you have not given his command.....do so ASAP.....

Bury this fucker.....

And any more info you find that he discussed classified info on the equipment he works on or info he deals with is GOLD to you right now......this type of evidence will actually put this POS in danger of some time in Leavenworth followed by a dishonorable discharge.

POSOM has REALLY fucked up discussing any of this stuff with your WW.....

Just an affair would lead to him losing his security clearance due to blackmail potential.....

But actually divulging classified info?.......WOW......he will be in DEEP SHIT.

Keep in contact with his command to make sure this investigation continues......give them any evidence you have not given already.....

And at the first hint of pushback or hesitation from them, drop a hint.....

You have been hoping the Navy would help you deal with this A......it would be a shame if you had to contact your Congressman to file a grievance because the Navy was refusing to deal with a service member who engaged in an A with your WW and also illegally discussed classified info with her during it.

THAT will wake them up if they want to just make this disappear and refuse to get this POS out of your family's life.

She has three options- dump him and work towardsR, pack her shit and move in with him, which he doesn't want, or take over this apartment which is in her name, which she can't afford.

Don't give her any options:

- Continue with the 180

- Take legal advice re exposing him to the Military

- Take legal advice, then initiate divorce

- Expose her to family and friends

You are still living in infidelity, do not wait for her to decide. Divorce her. She is not deserving of reconciliation even if she wants it. She has treated you abysmally, disrespected you and humiliated you.

I am normally pro reconciliation but the way she has abused and demeaned you to your face is just too much to accept. I doubt you could ever really get over that, so why bother.

Until you have a remorseful spouse in front of you (and you don't right now) I would start to have an attorney draw up D papers to be served and have him serve them.

You can stop the process at any time but in taking this action you are showing that you will not live in her infidelity.

I'm not sure you will ever see a remorseful spouse show up, but living with the one you have now, pining for the OM or using you as Plan B until she sees if he will be available to her is no way to live at all.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 10:45 AM, August 26th (Saturday)]

G-It's good that you exposed! I really want to echo others like Sharkman have recommended: get a lawyer to protect yourself and your kids.

If they are investigating POSOM for having an affair with your WW and sharing classified information, to boot - then WW will also be investigated. Maybe covertly, but they most likely will. And by extension, you. Threats, implied or real, to national security is some shit you don't want to deal with, even tangetally.

Get with a lawyer ASAP and TELL IT ALL. PROTECT YOURSELF!

Gosh you've been getting such good advice AND have the ability to legally F up OM's life too. There are many here that would have given up there left nut to do just that. Far too often BS end up with OM doing what they do best (screwing up peoples marriages and lives and end up totally unscathed to boot with the BS hoping against hope that there's at least a little Karma coming for the cheaters).

Don't know what diseases that shit birdmay have picked up in 30 years in the navy. She did seem to realize the other night that she has nowhere to go and he isn't going to support her. I would say he's also extremely pissed at her for not getting me back out of here.

.

I've had the unfortunate experience of having aquaintances of scumbags like this in the workforce,using woman to get a roof over their head. It seems to me like the OM was nearing retirement from the military, and was hoping to move into your house as a 'retirement package deal'.

i just wish this was over. It's been a fucking nightmare. This, as I'm sure it was for most of you, is the last thing I ever thought I'd have to deal with. 18 years without so much as an argument. She doesn't get some attention and bam! Decides to destroy our whole family. selfish bitch. And that bastard, he just thought I would lay down and let him wreck my family without a fight? Guess again asshole. I hope he does go to Leavenworth. Maybe he can find a new AP there. So far over this it isn't even funny

The way this is playing out indicates either he dumped her or they are doing damage control.

If he dumped her then she will try to sex you up. Just be aware that this tactic may come into play. Rule in that she will try, rule out that you will fall for it.

Do the emails you sent the JAG (you did send them , right?) show that he would have known she was married? Otherwise he will say he didn't know therefore no adultery. She will lie and confirm his account. That may get him some breathing room on the A. But not on the disclosure of military info.

My opinion? Her behavior is driven by a little of each scenario. She's trying to create options for a soft landing.

just wish this was over. It's been a fucking nightmare. This, as I'm sure it was for most of you, is the last thing I ever thought I'd have to deal with

With all due respect to survivors or cancer, this is like mental cancer. You did not deserve this to happen to you.

All you can do is be true to who you are and never stop fighting. You didn't ask for this to happen to you, but you are sure as hell going to get out of this disaster come hell or come highwater.

In the very first few texts she tells him that we are married and how long for. He tells her how many times he's been married. So there is no backing out for him saying he didn't know. On top of it her face book page shows us as being married since 2000. So he most definatley knew. Later on he goes as far as to tell her that no one can prove they had sex because only they know..... well, and me ... lol. So he most definatley knew. And I sent the ones where he described the computers, crew compliment, how long they went out, stayed submerged, where they went, down to how long the air was good for. So he fucked himself.