BSPheonix
See my tag-line? It’s a quote from a Stoic philosopher. I think he also is said to have said something like:
"A dog in a leash tied to a cart heading for Athens can strain at the leash but will still end up in Athens."
Basically – you can fight against things you can’t change but will still be dragged through them.
I mention this because there is so much distrust in your posts (from the very first...) for the legal system and the process of divorce.
Friend – you can change attorneys on a weekly basis, counter every meeting, dispute all issues... but eventually someone wearing a black cloak will bang a gavel and you will be divorced within the framework of the laws in your area. You will eventually be in Athens, and it’s only your decision how tired you will be from straining against the leash.
I am NOT suggesting you capitulate. Since you are between attorneys then consider this:
If you are in the USA or Western Europe there is bound to be a fathers-right group in your area. Contact them and ask them to refer you to an attorney in your area. That way you should feel assured you have someone up-to-date on the correct processes to ensure your rights.
Be ultra-realistic. The 64/40 is generally because of classical gender-roles the mother is the prime caregiver. YOUR situation, the age of the kids... this can all impact the decision.
If your kids are young (like under 12) then MAYBE a 60/40 is OK if the mom is more at home or has less need to work (as in because of spousal support and child-care). That need can change once the kids get older so consider a more flexible schedule (like you concede 60/40 for now, but revisit after 2-3 years).
I can promise you this: During the confrontational period of divorce a parent might think they want the kids all the time... Only to realize being a single parent, being tied at home, no weekends, no adult-time, no me-time, no advancement in career... sucks... That’s when they start asking the ex to take them an extra weekend and all that.
Accept the system. Accept the slow process, the legal cost and all that. No – attorneys do NOT want to gather billable hours unless necessary. Usually that need is based on frivolous demands rather than encouraged by said attorneys. Ask to get an overview over billed hours regularly and question anything you think wrong, don’t waste hours in frivolous questions, try to gather your questions to ask at once (send 3 questions separately = 3 hours, ask all 3 at once = 1 hour). Ask if a paralegal can do some of the ground-work (cheaper hours...).
Finally I want to share a story:
My daughter married young and after 3 years they divorced. Nice enough guy and a great father to my oldest grandkid, but their marriage was IMHO doomed from the beginning. They lived in a rather remote town and my daughter wanted to move to a nearby city. He refused that the kid change address. Distraught my daughter did what daughters ought to do – call dad.
I contacted a good friend who is a divorce/family attorney and he promised to look after her. About 4 months later my daughter phoned crying, complaining that the attorney didn’t do a thing and there was no change. I called my friend and after some small-talk he said "Bigger – I know why you called. Your daughter isn’t happy with the inaction... Well... I have ensured all her rights. The dad can’t change the kids school, address, claim benefits... nothing... without her consent. This isn’t my first rodeo and give it 1-2 months and they – as parents – will reach a consensual arrangement without legal intervention."
He was correct more-or-less to the date. This was about 15 years ago and my daughter and her husband, the ex and his wife, are the poster-parents for successful coparenting.
I guess what I’m trying to get across is that once the confrontation of divorce is over, once the scabs start to heal, you and your wife could reach a better (for the kids) arrangement.
