SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Do I call the OBS and tell her this too, even though she asked me to be NC while she deals with this pain, and told me she would reach back out to me when she is ready?

I wouldn't, unless OBS reaches out again. The "in love" thing is just BS anyway, and is of no practical value. Just as the AP's feelings don't matter in your path out of infidelity (only you and your WW's do), neither do your wife's feelings factor into OBS's. Each of you either have a remorseful, willing partner or you don't. AP's feelings be damned.

Unless the OBS reaches out and asks more questions, I would respect her wishes to remain NC for now.

[This message edited by PlanNine at 1:25 PM, May 24th (Wednesday)]

No I woudn't contact OBS respect her wishes, she will get back to you if she needs to, what your EXW told you will not help her only hurt her more and I'm sure that's not what you would want to do, she has been respectful and nice to you all along, just "LEAVE IT"

BJE49

Hey all, I really appreciate the feedback. My instincts on this issue have not been very solid lately and your advice is well received.

I talked with DD1 and she is not vey happy with my WW. Pretty pissed actually and has been invited to lunch with her tomorrow and really does not want to go. DS told me his moms actions were pretty f***ed up, so we have a long road ahead. DD2 has not talked to me about this yet, and is still processing. However she will probably end up choosing to live with her mother at her grandparents until I get a place to settle into. We have a counselor lined up who can help them a lot.

I will not contact the OBS. It was my inclination not to, and you all validated my feelings. Thank you.

On another note, I get served divorce papers today. Yay!

Take the Divorce papers and find yourself a new and happy life. Probably good riddance in your situation.

Does she know AP is moving away? Is she planning on moving with him?

I fully expect her to show up at your door with her tail between her legs at some point in the not so distant future after she realizes who she's with.

Why are you being served? Did you not file first?

Stay strong.

Do not play nice. Do everything possible to get your kids on your side. tell them how bad WW is to kick your guts when you are at your lowest point. They will eventually have some kind of mother-kid relation. But she need to face the consequences of her deeds. Do this before WW does this on her cheating self behalf

How's it going Betrayedks99? How are you holding up since being served?

Hey all, I have not posted for a while. Things are moving along her. My STBXW moved most of her stuff out of the house while I was out of town on business this past weekend. We both have new houses and the divorce, while getting contentious, should be final in August. I did this all wrong, and wish I had listened to you folks. You were right. About everything. Tell your family, tell your friends. Tell your priest. Don't carry this burden alone. The cheater has to be exposed. Then you can heal.

So now I'm off to a new chapter in my life. I have many friends who are supportive and loving, and family who is there for me. Especially my kids. I cannot imagine how deep the damage is that my STBXW has done to her relationship with our kids. Two of them are pretty pissed at her attempts to justify her affair and the blame shifting to me for her choices. She still does not seem to appreciate the devastation she has brought on to two families. I can't hardly stand to talk to her even by text. I want to puke at the thought of having any communication with that person. She is not the woman I fell in love with, married, and had three kids with. 23 years later.

I'm going to be ok. My kids will be ok. My wayward adulterous wife, well, she has a tumultuous learning experience ahead of her. Her dirty little secret is no longer a secret. I think she actually believes no one would find out, or care. She made her choice. She has to face the consequences of her infidelity with a married man. So be it.

I wish you all strength and a happier life after this terrible experience. No one deserves to have this worse-than-death shit storm happen to them. I know I didn't.

You're right my man no one should have to go through this infidelity shit storm. Ultimately its how you handle it & how it turns out in the end, while keeping your principles intact that help you weather the storm, becoming a stronger person because of it, albeit a less trusting one.

Sending strength my man.

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 1:25 AM, June 13th (Tuesday)]

Betrayed I hope you get thru the D mostly unscathed and find your way to happiness.

Is your WW still with the AP. Last I saw he was moving across the country. Did she follow?

Take care.

She is still in contact with her AP. I'm not sure where they are at in their "relationship", but I can't imagine it will last. The OBS told me he is a serial cheater and it sounds like this is the first time he has been really caught red handed. I provided her with a LOT of evidence. The other times he lied to her to minimize things apparently, and through much discussion with this betrayed woman I learned he has done this before, so I believe she is done with him too. No, my STBXW is not moving to another state with the POSOM but I wish she would. She is still in the affair fog if you can believe that. She will wake up one day and her world is going to look a lot different. Regarding the divorce, I'm getting what is mine and a fair settlement due to assets I held prior to the marriage. I hope I can trust again, but that is going to take me a long time to overcome I know. I hope someday I can forgive my wife but not right now. Still too much in pain, and angry with her for what she did with little to no remorse.

[This message edited by betrayedks99 at 11:12 AM, June 13th (Tuesday)]

You sound strong and clear headed. I have no doubt you will be fine and heal and live a wonderful life.

I wish you the best!

Stop thinking about her and her future.

You have your own life and your beautiful kids.

Join a gym,make new friends,go out and watch some football just dont be alone.

Your "new life" just started and you will be much happier because you dont have a cheatign wife anymore. Trust me on this one.

Getting closer to closure. Thank you all who posted on my behalf. This site has helped me tremendously. It helped me not to be a victim, a pick-me dancer, or a chump. It helped my understand that I was being gaslighted and blamed for the affair, which is BS. Each day without contact to my STBXW makes me stronger and more confident. We close on our marital house and move to separate homes next week. Now I have to figure out how to deal with seeing her and her meddling parents at my kid's events and activities. I look forward to a happier, better life without her in it.

Just an FYI...if your kids decide they don't want her or her parents around for events, etc, don't try to change their minds...just go with it.

Be on the other side of the event. Take a friend who is in the know and despises her.

Heck, really wanna get under her skin?

Invite a priest.

And please DON'T do this, but what about OBS?

Nah, I've never had revenge fantasies.

For Real? Be indifferent. Cool as a cucumber. Don't interact.

*I'm sorry you feel that way*

*Sorry, I am focusing on the kids*

*Please direct that to my lawyer Mr Ikickass.*

*That's an inappropriate question for this venue*

STRENGTH

This is a success story. You'll be so much happier so much quicker this way. I see so many BS's who stick it out and they're miserable for years. Who wouldn't be? Even the supposed "R'd" BS's still come here with issues. They'll do that the rest of their lives because they're living in a poisoned M and even when they tell tales of how awesome their M is now after the A you can tell they're trying to convince themselves of that as much as anyone else. If you question anything their WS does as a red flag they'll rip your head off. Usually in PM. I can show you 3 or 4 of those right now. They're in my inbox. I won't.

Anyway, you're going to be fine. Even when you run into your ex and her family at events remember there can only be drama if you allow yourself to be a participant in it. If they bring drama just laugh at them in a condescending "damn you're so pathetic" kind of way, turn, and walk away.

And please DON'T do this, but what about OBS?

This actually happened for me, unplanned. At the time OBS has kids in same event as mine. OBS and I were already divorced. She saw me and came over to say hi and chat. XW was but 15ft away watching me and OBS as we talked about our own D and traded more info on our respective ex's and joked about how pathetic they were then, and still are. We also updated each other on our own new beginnings and traded congratulations.

And....it drove my XW nuts.

Our ex's still hang out together post D but we couldn't figure out at first if they were actually dating or not, similar to your situation, betrayedks99. As far as we can tell it is some bizzare BFF or open relationship thing because OM is dating other women. Whatever the hell they have, they are still mired in it while OBS and I have moved on.

I'm going to guess in your case, betrayedks99, your STBXW thinks she can "fix" the OM (because she thinks his WS damaged him) and that she will end up with a real winner out the whole situation. I think she will soon find out that polishing turds never pays off in the end.

Best of luck to you and kids. Like a poster said do not encourage kids to be more with "mummy". Do not engage in negative thoughts. Your WW is in the past and gone. Thinking about her in any manner wear you down. She will learn her lesson. Best thing to do is occupy your mind in something constructive such as doing further studies to go up in your job

betrayed, you have handle this as well as anyone, a little slow coming out of the blocks but you finished strong.

Best of luck to you and the kids. You have a life to carry on, and I have a feeling you may be back to give others advice around here.