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BTW now that you have intercepted OMW don't tell you wife if you have not already. You will quickly know if they have been communicating via unknown backchannel by her behavior.

I'm sure that must have been a pretty tough phone call, but you did the right thing. Everyone should have the ability to make informed choices about their own lives, and adulterers deny us that freedom of choice with their perfidy.

You sound pretty strong right now, so kudos on that. I'm awful sorry though that it didn't turn out for you the way you had initially hoped. The good news though is... life can now be what YOU make of it, so make it a good one.

You did the right thing.

In my situation, OW BS found out about the EA and didn't tell me. Big mistake. A month later the EA became a PA despite him confronting his wife and my WH. Had he called me, the A would have ended in a nano second.

Focus on yourself and your children.

Thanks all. I just talked to the OBS again. She wanted more details, which I provided. Turns out this POS has done this before with an EA sexting some woman, all the while he was banging my wife and going to MC with his wife blaming the OBS for loss of emotional support and not meeting his needs physically. She even had plastic surgery to try and please this son of a bitch. He is the child of a cheater and she is afraid her kids will be cheaters too. So sad. She is a very smart, nice person who did not deserve this. She is in shock and asked for no more contact from me until she reaches out which she said she will do once she can clear her head. Of course I respect her wishes and told her I am here to talk no matter what time of day it is. The OBS and I compared more notes on the second call and we figured out he has lied out the ass to this poor woman. She is going to blow up his world and I also know he has thrown my WW under the bus. Karma is a bitch!

That must feel good to find someone else on your side in this "adventure".

Just keep it to yourself and see if or how your WW reacts after the OBS takes care of business on her side. Is she in NC with her OM?

...and I also know he has thrown my WW under the bus.

Please be prepared with some kind of response if your WW comes sniffing around looking for R. Typically, they'll mope for awhile when they're dumped and maybe try to cling to the fantasy for awhile.

Sometimes, when it's an exit affair they're content to stay gone. But other times, they try to come back when the fantasy becomes unattainable. Put some thought into all contingencies and how you'll respond so you don't get caught flat-footed without a plan.

Well, the truth of it all is, my wife is done. This was an exit affair, and our marriage is toast. Now she has to deal with the fallout of her poor choices and the incredible damage she has done to our family and her reputation in our community. Not to mention the destruction of another family in which she played a major role. She actually believed this could stay covered up. Talk about affair fog! And yes, she is in contact with the OM. Since she left the house she has purchased a new phone and I'm sure they are frantically texting and calling to see how badly the house has burned down. Here's a twist: this asshole just took a job halfway across the country so when he told the OBS about the affair on Monday (trickle truth and lies) he jumped on a plane six hours later leaving her to deal with the pain all by herself. She told her adult son and he is super pissed at his dad (her words) for doing this to his mom. She is telling the other adult child tonight. Oh, and the POS was late to his daughter's college graduation party because he was in the motel with my wife last Saturday. as you may have read in an earlier post, a good friend of mine told me, "nothing sanitizes like sunshine". The truth is now out there, all of it, to my family, her family my close friends, and soon our kids. Ugh this is awful, but I will be strong for my kids.

[This message edited by betrayedks99 at 4:15 PM, May 18th (Thursday)]

Ugh this is awful, but I will be strong for my kids.

Sometimes that was the only thought holding me together when I was in your shoes. Wishing you strength brother!

Sounds like they are perfectly matched...two POS cheaters, doing what cheaters do.

Wow! Some people are so heartless. I am so sorry. My heart is breaking for you.

Shit sinks and cream rises to the top.

It's ok to mourn the loss but it's not ok to not look forward to a brighter future.

Go nuclear. Concentrate fully on making plans to take custody and extract as much as possible from WW. Do not track your wife affairs it is waste of emotional energy which you should use for yours and kids future welfare

We told the kids yesterday. When we were done, WW asked for questions. My DS asked the name of the POSOM. WW would not answer his question, said she was not ready to tell his name, but he does not live in this community (so wont run into him at the grocery store, etc.) WTF? So DS asked where he lives if not in our city? Same reply from WW--not ready to answer that question either. So much for owning your sh**. here's the other thing--she told the kids she fell in love with someone else. Nice. Funny thing is, I think that asshole is going to throw her under the bus if he has not already. I am guessing this given what the OBS told me last week. And he has taken a job half the country away. Karma is a beeotch. Meeting with my attorney tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Sorry BKS99. Hope all goes well with your attorney. Is your wife still out of the house? If she isn't, I'd strongly recommend you ask her to return to her parents, for your own mental health.

How are your kids doing? That is most important.

We told the kids yesterday.

So you were a passive listener? Why did not you correct it? Looks like you still entertain the idea of R (that is OK). How did the kids respond. Do they act like they were betrayed too?

Goalong is right.....

Listen....this is a very important teachable moment with your kids.....

They just had their family destroyed by their wayward mother.....

And you remained silent while she told them that, essentially, 'it just happened'......'it's love'.

Is this what you want your kids to believe love is?.....what acceptable behavior in a M is?

I would sit your kids down again and instill some hard lessons....and I would have your WW there so she can hear what is said directly too.

Tell them you wanted to respond to what their mother had said about what happened the other day.....but you bit your tongue at the time because you did not want emotions to rage in the moment of first telling them (the kids) that their family was gone.

Then I would tell them.....

What your mother did is NOT love.....it is selfish betrayal of her H and her children.....she chose to destroy her family's stability for her own selfish sexual desires.

And proof?....

If it was true love, why does POS have to remain a anonymous?

If it was true love, why does where POS lives have to remain a secret?

True love does not need to hide in shame....it can be openly declared and shown.

But sexual and emotional betrayal of marriage partners and one's own children?

THAT is disgraceful.....shameful.

THIS is the reason it must remain hidden and as secret as possible.

Then tell them the name and hometown of this POS.....tell them YOU want them to be aware so that when their mother tries to introduce him to them.....they KNOW who and what he truly is......the man who destroyed their family by engaging in a slimy affair with their mother.

Don't let your WW teach your kids that A's 'just happen' and are a sign that 'true love can't be denied' or any of that other bullshit.

Teach your kids the truth.

Oops!

Double post

[This message edited by Dyokemm at 8:21 PM, May 23rd (Tuesday)]

Meeting with my attorney tomorrow. Wish me luck.

How did it go?

I agree with the above poster about an affair "just happening".

She is either not telling them his name because she thinks they have a future together and is trying to protect him or they have already heard his name met him and she has lied to them. Seen an email, a phone call, a note... with his name on it.

My guess is that she doesn't want them to hate him as she believes they are going to end up together.

Thanks all for your posts. I am not accepting my WW response and am talking to my kids that having an affair under ANY circumstances is not ok. I told my DS the name and location of the POSOM. The kids are being very supportive and kno I'm in pain. WW is living with her parents at this time and probably will be for at least a couple of months. Going OK with the the attorney. She is giving direction on how to best handle division of assets. Hoping to make this as amicable as possible, but things are starting to get contentious. My friends and family know the whole story of the betrayal and are pretty pissed at her for doing this to me. Again. Best friends spouse said she does not know how she can be friends with my WW anymore. On another note, it appears that my WW is in love with the AP. Do I call the OBS and tell her this too, even though she asked me to be NC while she deals with this pain, and told me she would reach back out to me when she is ready?

[This message edited by betrayedks99 at 1:07 PM, May 24th (Wednesday)]