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However you contact the OBS do not do it in a way that can be intercepted by the AP or that you can't be sure will be recieved. Do not send mail, facebook messages, leave voicemails, etc. You need to actually talk to her and hear her voice, at least during the initial discussion. After that, if you guys continue to stay in contact, you can communicate however you want.

Thanks all. It looks like the AP is sweating now, as all the numbers I had for the OBS are now "no longer receiving calls". I'm more determined than ever to locate this poor lady and let her know what happened with her POS spouse and my WW. Any suggestions other than hiring a local private investigator to try and find out where she works? I have the home address but the land line tied to that address is now no good. I'm reluctant to go there in person as they have two teenaged kids and I do not want them involved in this crap from me should one of them answer the door. Help please.

The best response is to forget this curse and make plans to live happily and successfully. Do not spend any energy following her. Thinking of this woman is lot of negative energy. she is your adversary. Focus on things to do get the best outcome. Tell your kids the story straight and get them on your side. WW will use all the tricks to get them. The POS will dump her if his wife is a no nonsense woman. The exposure and the loss of her home base will test their cheating. If that happen and she see consequences never take your WW back. The POS act like he is invulnerable. Do not act impulsively but make him pay like making it know to those around him in his job etc. I remember you saying POS live close by. can you go there when POS is at work and talk to her. Play a trick like giving a letter for charity addressed to her. Google her name (or POS name and find her name). If she work, some information will prop up about her workplace. you may know her girlfriends. You can contact one close to her and ask her to tell OBS. By the way no harm in POS teen kids knowing who their father is.

[This message edited by goalong at 4:43 PM, May 15th (Monday)]

You might consider doing a one-time payment with one of these internet search sites. You see them advertised on the net all the time when you're looking for free information on a specific name in your browser. I would suggest looking at ratings and reviews and then picking one. Quite a few of them can find people on other social media sites they utilize and you might be able to find other contact methods that way.

Facebook? Do you have an address? Does she work? Do you know what kind of car she drives?

On paper your best bet is to have a private investigator deliver the letter.

If she met with her boyfriend in one of the seven states with Alienation of Affection laws you can have him served.

You can send a certified letter to her. (He is likely on the lookout for these)

With some research you can find out if she works and call her at the office.

This is probably a dumb question but did you google her name? Most people have some sort of Google trail, work, clubs, associations all are places where you could find clues.

What about Pinterest?. Even the OBS (man) had a Pinterest account. All women have one!

Even if it takes going in person....inform OBS.

He is obviously not divorcing his BW if he is this desperate to prevent you informing her.

Water under the bride now.....but THIS is why you were advised initially to inform his BW immediately.

He is now well aware you are going to expose him.....and is frantically trying to cut off any means of doing so.

If you can't find a job/business number for his BW....bite the bullet and go physically to inform her....

She needs to know so she can protect herself and her interests.

And sorry.....I would not worry about his kids (and no I am not saying to make sure they are informed).....

If they inadvertently witness you doing what is necessary in telling their mom.....well THAT is on POS....

First for having the A to begin with.....THEN by doing everything possible to shut shown any other method of you telling his BW.

HE brought this situation into existence.....if he is humiliated in front of his kids......that is his own doing at this point.

What he ^^^^ said,. Find the OBS. He is neither liked separated from, nor divorcing, the OBS.

gather detailed account of pos fridays escapades with your ww. report them to his company. probably he may have used company resources time.

Go to the house. You don't have to blow it up in front of their kids, just knock on the door. Ask her for a minute of her time and present her with the facts you have. That is a minimum of what you can do for her. Wouldn't you want that from another BS if you had not found out?

Tell her, offer any evidence you have, offer a sympathetic earned shoulder if she needs it. After that, stay away from both of them.

I would also suggest you tell the kids your version of the truth. Yes all three together is best. Don't sugar coat it, don't let her spin it. Brother you are getting divorced from a cheater someone who did not have enough guts to leave you and the life the two of you built together. Instead she deserved to have the life you shared and the fling she wanted with the OM. Don't be nice be, be prepared.

It looks like the AP is sweating now, as all the numbers I had for the OBS are now "no longer receiving calls".

By now the OM has had plenty of time to tell his wife that some crazy man thinks that he had an affair with his wife. That this man is dangerous.

My point is that you have to be very calm and professional when you inform her and have your proof ready. Dates are good. Where was your husband on April 15th at 4 PM for example

No dice on Google. I have used PeopleFinders.com too to no avail. I did get a good home phone number, but that's not an option now. I cannot locate the OBS anywhere online except FB and she has not used this since late 2016. So only choice now is to have a letter delivered I think. Has anyone used USPS Restricted Delivery certified mail? This is when the postal carrier requires identification from the signing recipient in order to release the letter. Prevents POSOM from attempting to intercept it, and Since he should be at work during the day, this might be a better chance of success?

Yup, that's not the worst option. Better if you can find a courier service that you can talk to about this, but it achieves approximately the same. Though it's possible that USPS/UPS is only as good as the dude delivering it, he might take the husband's signature as the wife's.

The key is to just do whatever quickly. He's spent days telling his wife of some evil, jealous man who has arbitrarily decided to target him.

Hey all. I talked to the OBS this morning. So glad I did. The POSOM has lied, gas lighted and deceived this poor woman. She is in shock. I had sent her a Facebook messenger request on Saturday and she just saw it last night, so she called me this morning before work. I told her EVERYTHING. Some of it shocking and all of it disgusting and sad. I'm here to tell you the people here are right. Expose immediately. Do not wait like I did. I made a mistake and wish, oh how I wish, that I had reached out to her sooner. The truth must come out. I am now going to start the healing process for myself. Pray for me and my kids as we are telling them on Sunday. I demanded she come clean with the truth about the affair when we tell our kids. They are old enough to handle the truth and I asked HR to please not lie and try to spin this to our kids (as I know she would) as they will,learn the truth and her credibility with them will be destroyed. Newbies, please take it from me. This shit is so hard in the beginning, but it does get better. You must get sleep, so see your doc if you need a prescription. Drink lots of water and try to exercise if even taking a walk. Take your kids win you and hold them tight. God bless you and be strong!

Betrayed , I am glad you finally talked to the OBS . I waited like you and threatened the AP with exposure thinking it would do the trick, but no . He tried to send a letter to her work address and was in the process of sending flowers according to his wife.

I waited 3 weeks to inform her but I was glad i did. I got so much more info once he started to talk. Sending you prayers.

I feel bad for POSOM BW... However I would give a pretty penny to be a fly on the wall when her hubby comes home to the sh*tstorm he has comin' his way. Don't you just love Karma?

Will she give you her ws story so you can compare to your ws story? Amazing stuff comes out when the stories of two liars are cross checked ....

[This message edited by william at 10:32 AM, May 18th (Thursday)]

While you are obviously in a place that any man would have chosen to be, you have handled this with courage, with maturity and a self-respect that any other betrayed spouses coming here in the upcoming days, weeks, months and years should take inspiration from.