Skyking (original poster member #62217) posted at 6:38 AM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
I really don’t like the word "affair". It sounds kind of mysterious or romantic. Kind of like "The Thomas Crow Affair". In reality there is nothing remotely romantic or mysterious about it. For a PA it’s getting naked with another person and having sloppy sex. CRUDE? Of course, it is crude! And we should treat it a such. For an EA, it’s thinking about sloppy sex with an other person. We shouldn’t glamorize it. We should call it what it is. Just some random thoughts at 10:30 at night.
Me: BS. 74, Many DDays: The last of many was 40+ years ago.Married 53 years 2 grown sons, 2 grandchildren Reconciled. But still getting triggered sometimes.
Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 1:13 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
Agreed,an affair should be called what it is " the ultimate betrayal ".
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
Stillconfused2022 ( member #82457) posted at 6:10 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
I understand and felt completely the same way. There are some infidelity experts and folks on SI who just don’t seem to hear that word in the same way I do and they therefore seem to use the word interchangeably with cheating. An « affair » does not describe well what happened in our situation. I can see why there are some situations where that word is appropriate. If it is not appropriate for you don’t use it. It is understandable to expect others to accept that choice as long as they know how you feel.
To me the word is associated with romance. I see no evidence of romance and lots of evidence of cheap physical gratification in my WS’s cheating. That is why I refer to it as his cheating and not his A.
To each their own
[This message edited by Stillconfused2022 at 6:12 PM, Monday, October 28th]
Heartbrokenwife23 ( member #84019) posted at 8:47 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
I agree in a sense that the term "Affair" doesn’t always resonate to everyone’s situation. I have always had a "glamorized" meaning of what an Affair was - deep emotional connection, "true love," lavish gifts/trips/dinners, passionate sex, romance, wanting to leave your family and start a new life, etc. THIS right here, was NOT the case for my situation. Not even close. I remember in the early days "making fun" of my H … "wtf kinda affair is this?!" It really didn’t make any sense to me why he would "throw" his family away over NOTHING (actually, I still can’t grasp my head around it). In a nutshell, it wasn’t an "affair" he had, more or less a cheap/quick "fix" to rid him of his "sexual frustrations" - he flat out made the decision to be a cheating dog. His immaturity and inability to be an honest man and decent human being still baffles me.
At the time of the A:
Me: BW (34 turned 35) Him: WH (37)
Together 13 years; M for 7 ("celebrated" our 8th) DDay: Oct. 12, 2023
3 Month PA with Married COW
DobleTraicion ( member #78414) posted at 9:35 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
I generally refer to it as relational and/or marital treason.
"We are slow to believe that which, if believed, would hurt our feelings."
~ Ovid
Eric1964 ( new member #84524) posted at 9:46 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
I don't have a problem with the word 'affair'. It's just a label, and everyone here knows what it represents. I agree, however, that, in a wider context, it does have mysterious and romantic connotations.
WW always had a not-entirely negative attitude to affairs.Affair with ex-coworker, DDay1 2009-12-31; affair resumed almost immediately, DDay2 2010-06-11. Sex life poor. Possibly other affair(s) before 2009.
Webbit ( member #84517) posted at 9:49 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
@heartbrokenwife - nailed it!!!
I like you mocked my WH as well - like seriously if you are going to throw away your marriage and family you’d think at least you could find someone a bit more attractive and someone who was a bit more adventurous in bed 😂😂😂
Desperate Cheating Dog - great description!
