Topic is Sleeping.
luvedmypbear (original poster member #25690) posted at 7:30 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2024
Last month, on a whim I got the cartilage of my left ear pierced. Last month.
WH noticed it yesterday. He was angry and asked me when I had it done and I answered last month. Enraged, he yelled, what else are you hiding from me?
Literally everyone else I know acknowledged the piercing as soon as they saw me.
And it hit me.
He doesn’t even see me.
luvedmypbear didn’t care what you thought. She knew she was a badass.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:48 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2024
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
lessthinking ( member #83887) posted at 8:02 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2024
I'm so sorry. A person wants to feel seen, that is not asking for much. Very powerful insight.
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 8:55 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2024
Wow. I’m so sorry.
Does he really not recognize how ridiculous his anger is? In every way?
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 3:30 AM on Friday, May 10th, 2024
Enraged, he yelled, what else are you hiding from me?
It is so upsetting to read that you are still tolerating this.
And it hit me.
He doesn’t even see me.
And hoping it will be different?
Sigh.
Wishing better for you.
[This message edited by OwningItNow at 3:46 AM, Friday, May 10th]
me: BS/WS h: WS/BS
Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.
Breachoftrust ( member #66252) posted at 5:33 PM on Monday, May 13th, 2024
I completely understand. I got a 10 inch tattoo down my right side. It was more than a month before I finally just told him. He asked if it said anything about him. I just said why would I put something about YOU on MY body?? I often make comments about being invisible. Mostly I have just stopped talking.
Married 19 years, together 24. 3 children. DD1 2/21/18. DD2 6/7/18 EA. BS 49, WH 50.
DD3 3/30/22 PA
Actions prove who someone is; words prove who someone wants to be.
Groot1988 ( member #84337) posted at 9:07 PM on Monday, May 13th, 2024
Luvedmypbear I also got my left cartilage pierced among a few tattoos 
Felt amazing to do things for myself.
My H is also bad about noticing things about me. Every time I dress up cute or sexy it’s always "oh this is nice , where did you get that?"
Uh Amazon … back in 2016 , I’ve only worn it like 100 times.
So I feel feeling invisible sometimes.
Married 5 years (together 11) Four children Me Bs 36Him WH 35- 4 month PA Dday Oct 6- lots of TT final disclosure Jan 16.
"If we walk through hell we might as well hold hands, we should make this a home"- citizen soldier
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 4:48 PM on Tuesday, May 14th, 2024
I am SO sorry.
I pray for you to get to a place of detachment and self protection. I understand your situation.
Vent any time you need to.
HF
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
luvedmypbear (original poster member #25690) posted at 1:52 AM on Monday, June 10th, 2024
Thank you all so much!
I’m working on the detachment.
There were many ups and downs the past several months (and years) and he has left (3 days ago) and informed me he filed for D (no papers my way yet).
A very long and painful journey. He has left like this before and come back and cycled through.
I’ve been 50 miles from home at a baseball tournament all day.
Our daughter just texted he is home. He had told her he’s moving out so she was confused. He also called me asking me if I need anything done at the house and I said no thank you.
I’m going to set a strong boundary when I get home. I need him to move out. I need to heal so I can be the parent our kids deserve.
I appreciate you all
This is all feeling impossible but I know the hard way is usually the right way
[This message edited by luvedmypbear at 1:53 AM, Monday, June 10th]
luvedmypbear didn’t care what you thought. She knew she was a badass.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:12 AM on Wednesday, June 12th, 2024
I am sorry for you having to face a D but I think you are right — he needs to go.
You may feel sad for obvious reasons but I am hoping a peace and calm will settle over you as the result of him not being in your home.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Topic is Sleeping.
