SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Denial, it’s some powerful shit. My brain is catching up with reality with the speed of a movie buffering from the internet of the 90’s AOL (if you know, you know).

I needed to believe she didn’t mean to, but she did.

I needed to believe that she was tricked, but she wasn’t.

I needed to believe that our life was salvageable, but it isn’t.

I needed to believe that the abuse post D-day was temporary and excusable, but it’s not.

I needed to believe that I need her, but I don’t.

I needed to believe. I don’t tonight.

You need to believe you will be ok. Because you will be.

You need to believe you will be happy again. Because you will be.

You need to believe you will have peace. Because you will.

You need to believe you will find love again. Because you will.

You need to believe that your kids will be ok. Because, with a dad like you,how could they not be.

You need believe you did everything within your power to save this. Because you did.

You need to believe this is not your failure. It's hers.

You need to believe in IH. Because we all do.

You are the worst hard ass of all time, you know that, right?

Don't tell anyone.

All joking aside, that really touched me, HF. Took me about 1 min of ugly crying to clear my eyes to read past the first line. That was incredible. Thank you.

If you're done you're done. If you change your mind again that's ok too. I'm like a champion waffler myself.

But yes you have to deal with reality. Anything else is the detain and torture option.

[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 3:40 AM, Wednesday, March 6th]

What HellFire said already, InkHulk.

InkHulk, you were buying a ticket on the Amtrak Acela train to R. But somehow, you ended up with a passenger billet on a freight train to everywhere in between.

As a fall-back option, you were then considering even buying a Trailways Bus ticket out of Chicago to somewhere downstate, until you notice it's an freakin' 11 hour trip to get just 300 miles! (Real life example.)

You have to chart the best itinerary for you, because you have learned that lots of "carriers" will have unacceptable conditions to get you "there.".

IH, I now have the modem dial-up sound stuck in my head.

There are so many of your points that I felt, too. HF is 1000% spot on. Perfect response.

If you're done you're done.

For the moment, I needed an outlet for some pain and angst coming up. Then HF went and hit Double Jeopardy and I’ve gotten my quota of tears out for now.

If you change your mind again that's ok too. I'm like a champion waffler myself.

🏆🧇

But yes you have to deal with reality. Anything else is the detain and torture option.

That is my picture of hell on earth, to be avoided at all costs.

You have to chart the best itinerary for you, because you have learned that lots of "carriers" will have unacceptable conditions to get you "there.".

Thanks for the allegory, friend

IH, I now have the modem dial-up sound stuck in my head.

Glad to know I’m making a difference around here

HF said it perfectly.

You're a bad ass, IH.

I can’t count how many times I waffled back and forth between R and D the first 3 years. 😢 it may have been the hardest part of recovery. I so desperately wanted a crystal ball. I often thought I was mentally damaged beyond repair. I was terrible at hiding it and my adult kids (still at home at the time) feared mom would "never be back". Yet, here I am. Happy and basically my old self. Yes, got a few new scars and some hard learned knowledge about realities in life, but I’m still standing. You will be too.

IH, you are a good man. That is so evident from reading words on a screen from half way around the world from me. We are brothers due to shared pain. I want that pain to be released from you. I have to say I read HF post with watery eyes. So many times we can see our fellow posters kind of one dimensional. HF showed a depth to herself I will appreciate from now on. IH, please find a way out of this torment.

Look at the two "I believe" posts. Yours involved believing in someone else. Hellfire's post showed you believing in YOU .

THIS is where you can start! What helped ME was to make a list...putting down what I wanted MY life to be. EVERYTHING I wanted...I wrote it down !! I then whittled it down...tweaked it a bit...and made it a little more feasible to where I wanted a life for ME .

What did I want? I wanted to be in a happy and healthy marriage with a loving and faithful spouse. I told my H that this was what I wanted. If HE wanted this too...GREAT. If not...I would find someone else who would!! My H told me that he wanted this too. So WE set out together to let this be OUR life.

I guarantee you though...that if my H would not have shown he was working to being a loving and faithful spouse to where I was having a happy and healthy marriage...he was NOT going to be the spouse in MY life. Simple as that.

What do YOU want YOUR life to look like? Write it down . Put down ANYTHING you can think of!! This can be a FUN exercise!! It was actually quite cathartic for me! Reality can be HARD...but it can also be very FREEING. Knowledge is POWER. Now that you KNOW...you have a power that is quite strong. USE IT to build a future that YOU want !!

What’s going on InkHulk?

HF showed a depth to herself I will appreciate from now on.

Cat’s out of the bag, HF. Looks like you outed yourself.

What’s going on InkHulk?

I’m miserable. Maybe I’m sick, maybe EMDR is rocking the boat, maybe my brain is allowing me to comprehend a little more of this dumpster fire, maybe I had a little too much rock opera on Monday. I don’t know, but whatever it is found a pocket of misery just waiting for me to experience. It’s no big new blow up, maybe just a sad realization of how far down the road I am with so little to show for it. So I’m not sure I can answer this better than I’m just miserable today and this is where I turn. Thanks for listening. Thanks for caring.

Hey InkHulk, I understand that this was NOT how you wanted things to go with your WW. But you also understand that you did all you could (, and probably a lot more than you **should have** done too, but that is not the point). After every point when it appeared your WW had turned a corner, it was the same ol' same ol' again and again. You deserve much better than that, which is what I and a lot of us was trying to say in our posts.

You do need to allow yourself to grieve, but also, be aware that you will be moving on to a much happier future after your d.