While I don't think it's necessarily part of the wayward mind set, I do think this type of behavior is indicative of a personality trait that lends itself to being a wayward.
I can see now that my WH has always been lazy, entitled, leaves messes and never cleans them up, abandons projects halfway, doesn't put effort into things that don't directly benefit him, etc. He procrastinates on doing anything that's hard or challenging or messy. His car is a mess, strewn with trash and piles of stuff he doesn't really need. We only use my car when we're together because it's actually clean! He had his desk in our loft area until one of our sons moved out and we turned his room into a den. WH moved some of his things into the den, but left a huge mess in the loft. There's trash, random old papers and generally just junk on the floor. I've asked him to clean it up so we can use that space for something else. He keeps saying, "Yeah, Ok, I'll do it." But he never does and our son moved out 6 months ago. To WH, it's boring, he never goes upstairs so it's not affecting him whatsoever. Why should he deal with it? When I mention it, he acts as if I'm just being annoying by mentioning it.
Last winter, our thermostat broke. We could no longer turn on the furnace. He pulled out the manual and tried to adjust it, but it still wouldn't work. I suggested we get a new one, so he bought one. He tried to install it, but the instructions were a bit confusing and he didn't want to break anything. After about an hour, he said, "Well, I don't think I can do this." And he walked away. I said, "Well, we need a working thermostat. There's no heat in here!." Thankfully we live in an area that doesn't get too cold, but still! He said, "Well, I don't know how to do it." He was just going to leave it undone. I said, "Do you need to find an electrician or handyman to do it?" He said, "I guess so. You're better at that stuff so go ahead and do it." So now it's in my lap. He tried, but when it got complicated, he tossed it back to me. He's done this for our entire marriage. I mentioned it to my sister and she said, "Oh for goodness sakes! I just install my own thermostat. It's not that difficult." So she came over and walked WH through it. It took about 10 minutes.
I definitely think his mindset guided his way into an A (plus other past indiscretions). Things get challenging at home. He puts little to no effort towards addressing it. I take on every task, every decision, make every plan, do 90% of the work. He starts feeling like his "needs are not being met." So he gives himself permission to get them met elsewhere. It's a pattern with him. I pointed out this entire picture to him last night. He says he sees it, but I don't think he truly does. His task right now it to find a new IC since his old one no longer accepts his insurance. He's known the change was coming since October. He says he's going to call the new company, puts it off, says he got busy at work, etc. Then he calls but doesn't ask the questions he planned on asking. The company said they could give him a list of approved therapists and he could make the calls. They said they could also call around and identify an available therapist that suits his needs. I said do that. Ask them to make the calls. So he calls them and then tells me they're sending him another list since no one from the last list replied. I said, "What happened to asking them to help?" He says, "Well I get on the phone with them and they start telling me what they can do and I just forget what I was going to ask." Even this small task is proving too much for him. I feel sorry for him at this point. He's an adult with grown kids who are more capable than he is.
