SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Question for the both the men and the ladies here.

Fellas, give me your take on a 55 year old guy with two dating site (same site) profiles, one looking for women 35-47, and one looking for women 48-56. (Pictures are younger on the profile looking for younger. Current pictures are on the other profile). He doesn’t lie about his age on either. Is this normal? Lazy? Player? Dumb ass? Idk what guys do on profiles so wanted to find out what you all thought.

I understand the younger women thing, but do these type not think women are going to see their other profile, and be turned off by this? Should we be turned off? Gives me the impression he really has no clue wth he wants, but maybe I’m naive and need to start my own 2nd profile. Lol. I also don’t see how he thinks younger women are going to meet him without current pics on there. Maybe he’s not looking to meet?

Ladies, what would be your reaction to this? I find that if I see a 50+ year old man with a range starting below 40, that I just hit that X... figure he’s not really looking for a full relationship, but I didn’t find the 2nd profile until 6 weeks in, so I’m kind of having cognitive dissonance of what I think I need to realize. But want opinions. Is this a RUN type of scenario?

We’ve been chatting for 6 weeks, just moved to telephone 2 weeks ago. , He’s been honest with everything he’s told me about himself (I validated it all through various means.... thank you Ex for giving me the gift of never trusting again), but it’s moving too slow for my liking (he’s a “one day at a time” person (aka Flag in my eyes) and my instincts are telling me something isn’t right. But if you are going to be a shyster, why tell the truth about everything so far about yourself. Maybe he’s been crushed and is afraid, but if that’s the case, I don’t want that either. So maybe I just answered my own questions. Idk if he’s crazy or I am. 😂. Anyhow, back to the question, in short are two profiles on the same site a red flag?

Ask him and see what he says. Maybe he is naive and doesn't think anyone will see both. Call him on it.

What it says to me? Possible player. Possibly emotionally immature and doesn't know what he really wants and is testing the waters to see which approach gets him the most hits, i.e., leaving his options open. Regardless, I would next him, after calling him on it. Don't have the time, patience, or energy to waste on someone that doesn't know what he wants. But that's just me.

*disclaimer, my OLD profile is still hidden*

But I expect that I will probably go active in about 30-45 days. I am looking at what is out there and that would be a huge flag to me. I too am 50+, fit, no kids, financially stable and would immediately roll my eyes at someone our age who is looking 10++ years younger as their max age.

While I intend to be cautious of course, I have no intention of investing a lot of time getting to know someone online. I intend to meet for coffee within the first week+. I’ve heard so many people build up this false sense of online connection for weeks only to meet in person and there is nothing after 2-3 dates.

Easy for me to say now, I’ll probably chicken out!!

[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 9:25 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]

You said:

one looking for women 35-47, and one looking for women 48-56

Is it impossible to pick 35-56? As in, is 35-47 from a drop down list and so is 48-56?

One other possibility, and it almost happened to me:

He created a profile a while back looking for 35-47. He dated a while, stopped using the profile and forgot the password. When he wanted to use the same dating site again he couldn't get back on (perhaps his primary email changed, mine has several times over the years), and so he had to create another profile.

Either of those scenarios possible? I ask because 1) dating sites never worked for me, and 2) I have zero interest in someone 5 or more years younger than I.

[This message edited by devotedman at 6:38 PM, December 28th, 2019 (Saturday)]

Is it impossible to pick 35-56? As in, is 35-47 from a drop down list and so is 48-56?

One slides for the age ranges they desire.

I feel these two profiles may have been running concurrently, as the surprise profile just appeared in my Recommended listing one day.... maybe the universe was warning me. It was strange.

Thanks for answering. I was just trying to avoid my jumping to a conclusion, but yeah, it sounds like he's playing the field.

One more? Have the two of you discussed dating exclusively at 6 wks in?

Or, ignore that question if you want. You should definitely ask him about it, however. Then go with your gut, not your mind or your desires for a dating companion.

No, no,, we are nowhere near the exclusive conversation. Lol. I’m trying to figure out if this two profile thing is “normal”, or if I should be super turned off by it. (Although seeing a 55 year old looking for 35 year old is cringeworthy, IMO, whether it be one or two profiles, and makes me seriously wonder about his emotional depth, or lack thereof I should say). . To me it just seems weird. Idk. Trying to figure out if I’m just wrong and not up to date on online dating or he’s a big flag.

[This message edited by Starzen at 9:55 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]

Ok, here's what _I'd_ do.

I'd run. Nobody needs two different profiles, well no one mature enough to know what they really want, anyway.

Now, that 2nd profile that showed up _could_ _possibly_ be one from years ago, just now dredged up because the dating sight ran out of newer ones. Because of that possibility I'd ask about it.

But, frankly, at six weeks in and without him showing much interest and with you being in a potentially unknown state emotionally and just perhaps a wee bit confused on what to think, well, you'd be far safer just cutting losses and walking away.

Of course, to be totally transparent, I never had any real success with the dating thing. Nor much luck with the "organic" meeting, or marriage, or whatever. But at 57 I'm currently dating a 60 yr old and had no interest in anyone under 50 anyway.

So there's that. vD

I'd say it's rather odd. I've seen women with multiple profiles, but it's usually it's clear they stopped using the old one (and information is more or less the same). Or forgot their password, etc.

With how people filter age ranges, IMO there's a good chance it would be rare for it to show up twice to most people. It took you six weeks afterall. It could very well be that he's interested in seeing if there's a difference in response between profile A and profile B. Have you actually asked him? His answer might surprise you.

While I intend to be cautious of course, I have no intention of investing a lot of time getting to know someone online. I intend to meet for coffee within the first week+. I’ve heard so many people build up this false sense of online connection for weeks only to meet in person and there is nothing after 2-3 dates.

This is very true. Online dating is how I met my WW (maybe not a singing endorsement then...) but I dated for two years using it before I met her. Meet them as soon as possible / you feel comfortable, because weeks talking everyday to the person and they reject you after a few in person dates is not a nice experience.

I broached the subject via text to him. He responds promptly to texts. His response was:

(Yep, Crickets)...... 🙄.

I wonder at what point I’m going to stop wondering about people’s stories, and just say adios the first time I don’t like something. This shit is hard. I don’t want to be an empath anymore! 😂

A couple of red flags here. Six weeks in and you haven't met in person yet? Why not? I was only on OLD for a hot minute before meeting SO. We chatted for 2 to 3 days before I asked him out for a drink. He accepted. We immediately switched to phone/text, and met in person 2 days later on his day off from work. We've been together ever since and I have never doubted his interest in me.

Secondly, yeah, his "crickets" is telling. Maybe he thought with two profiles the same woman wouldn't be able to see both, because of the different age ranges? That whole thing is just strange though. I remember skipping over and deleting any man with a max age range more than a year or 2 younger than him. If he values youth that much, what happens when his SO gets older? Will he ditch her? Cheat? Is what's between her ears not important? Yeah, just a turnoff for me.

I would move on. There are men out there with no red flags. Good men. You'll want to date one of them.

Three of the weekends I was away, two of them he was away. Weekdays don’t work for either of us. I’m tired of “meet soon” with no definitive plans, yet wanted to also consider timing isn’t right, especially around the holidays. I wanted to try to be understanding, but based on crickets, he’s a farse. Seems he’s just looking for ego kibbles, and just “not that into me”. There were flags, but I didn’t want to immediately jump to flag conclusion, because no one really knows someone’s story, but it’s now screaming at me that something is off with this guy. I’ll assume cheater, putting girls in a hopper until he has the opportunity to pull them out on his timeline. No thanks, I know my worth.

I’ll give myself credit for identifying signs though! Now I just have to learn to quit being so interested in the psyche of other people. That’s been an outcome of my infidelity journey, and I don’t really understand why. The old Starzen didn’t have a problem telling people to just fk off when I was disrespected in any way.... these days I analyze to death and get all soft hearted and try to be understanding. Why???? 🙄🙄. Can’t stand it. Maybe I’m bored. Idk, I’ll figure it out. I want old Starzen back but this empath I seem to have become won’t go away now.

[This message edited by Starzen at 8:04 AM, December 29th (Sunday)]

You said:

There were flags, but I didn’t want to immediately jump to flag conclusion, because no one really knows someone’s story

Yeah, I understand that only too well.

I try to take a rather more analytical approach. When the flags start waving I try to start analyzing. "Why does potential date Carol wave this flag? What does that mean?" Then I watch actions vs. words.

Then I run for the hills!

Lol! 😂😂😂

Two people I know very well met online, got married. They were immediately interested in each other. Met for coffee and then dated for a year and a half before marriage. Both were completely honest about their lives. No hidden stuff. Had clear expectations. She would only date a man with children because she had two. His relationship with them had to be good. They both met the other’s family within a couple of weeks. Their kids were fine with the marriage and get along fine.

If you are second guessing then no.