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Family photos with new girlfriend...

Sallyjay posted 10/18/2020 02:20 AM

My WH has a new girlfriend, she has 2 very young kids, my son is 11 years old. We have been separated 10 month. I saw yesterday that my ex new girlfriend posted a photo of their newly reconstructed family. All 5 of them holding hands... no one asked me permission to have my sons photo professionally taken, nor to post it on Social Media. My son has seen these children and that woman probably 8 times, and now they are taking family photos together!!! I asked my son if he though it was weird that he had his photo taken with people he barely knows and that they are going yo give these photos to people he doesnt even know and has never even met... he said it was a bit weird... my poor child, will be more effd up out this than the actual divorce!
What kind of woman hooks up with a man that cheated on his wife, with multiple escorts, on multiple occasions!?!?!
Why do I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone!!!

Can I ask them yo please not distribute that photo to complete strangers?
Can I demand the photos be removed ftom social media???
I need help, im freaking mad as hell...

The1stWife posted 10/18/2020 05:35 AM

Think about the situation. This new GF is an IDIOT for bringing a new guy into her children’s lives. She barely knows him (from what you have written).

I completely understand how irritating this is. It’s only 10 months and your STBXH has a new family that he is trying to create. The happy family picture. The “it’s all good” fake image of his new life.

I highly doubt this relationship will last. I suspect there will be many more GFs in your STBXH’s life. If he doesn’t address his issues his choice to cheat will continue.

Now about your son. He wants to feel included and connected to his dad. Right or wrong he’s a kid and may willingly go along with what his dad wants right now. If he were 17 or 18 he may have made a different decision. Or chosen not to be included in a “family” photo.

But for now I would not try to stop the two idiots from posting these photos. They will gladly undertake that battle. It’s nothing more than a pissing match.

What I would do is tell your STBXH that you need to discuss this in the future as this can be challenging for an 11 year old to understand. Who your son is exposed to and why etc are ground rules that need to be agreed upon between his parents. Before it happens.

You don’t want your son exposed to a revolving door of women that your son’s father has “relationships” with. That sends the wrong message.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 5:36 AM, October 18th (Sunday)]

Idiotmcstupid posted 10/18/2020 12:11 PM

Ewwww. What gross idiots. Everybody else you know is saying the same thing, BTW.
But yeah, you can't make them stop being terrible people.
My stbxw moved her last AP into my house 60 days after I moved out, and told my daughter he was "stepdad."
I quickly corrected that.(stepdad is someone MARRIED to your mom, she can't get married until we are legally divorced, that's gonna be a while)
Now I have a court order, that stbxw agreed to, saying no overnights with the kid and another adult.
Doesn't stop stbxw though, all she has to do is deny that this guy stays the night and burden of proof is on me. A lot harder to prove than you might think. My kid tells me the truth though.

HalfTime2017 posted 10/19/2020 15:29 PM

As much as it sucks, I think you're better off not looking up stuff on social media. Why are you pain shopping? At the end of the day, there is nothing you can do. Taking pictures together is not going to be something that you can remotely bring up as harmful to the child.

I think its best that you just stay off social media. It is a trigger for many BSs, and if you have not already, block the ex and the new girlfriend.

RosesandThorns posted 10/19/2020 19:34 PM

Those photos will eventually end up deleted and/or in the trash, just like their relationship.

My advice (take with a grain of salt) is to make sure your child doesn't feel caught in the middle. Ask him how he feels about these things if you sense something is on his mind. Ask him if he liked or disliked it, validate his feelings, but don't suggest he should feel any certain way. It is one of the hardest things for a child, being stuck in the middle.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with your WH's crap judgement regarding your son. He sounds very selfish. Focus on you and your health/happiness, and I promise it will pay dividends to your son. And one day he will see on his own who was the stable, trustworthy parent and who was not.

(edited for clarity)

[This message edited by RosesandThorns at 6:42 AM, October 20th (Tuesday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 10/19/2020 22:31 PM

I think she thinks she found Mr Wonderful. Most likely he’s created a fake life (like my x did when I first met him. Told me a sad story about how his xw cheated on him, blah, blah, blah). I freaking believed it!!!! The reality was my xh is a sex addict, wants to act out everything, goes to topless bars at lunch cheated on his first wife several times, cheated on me... you know the drill.

So, since she’s not the OW, I think you should be very calm about everything. She’ll have an easier time believing you and your child if you can keep your thoughts hidden.

Feel free to post here anytime you want to vent. We’ll back you up and support you thru the crazy. It won’t be long before he’s bored and at it again. And you will be so happy you are not with him.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 10:33 PM, October 19th (Monday)]

Gottagetthrough posted 10/20/2020 08:26 AM

This sounds like a desperate attempt to legitimize their relationship. Wether she’s an OW or a desperate new girlfriend trying to play happy home.

I don’t think they will be together long if this is her personality, and I might just stay quiet. OW 1 in my story liked to take “family” pics and be involved in “family” outings. For example, she invited her dad down to visit (he lived 7 hours away). Instead of visiting with her dad, she made my Wh, my kids and her dad all go out to the pumpkin patch. I saw pics and this man obviously was not into hanging out with kids he didn’t know well, and after Wh left her, ow 1 changed her Facebook profile pic to one of my infant son and her at the pumpkin patch. She had that as her pic for A YEAR after Wh dumped her.

I didn’t engage. That what my ow wanted... not sure about the woman in your story. If she’s reasonable, it’s totally ok to ask your ex to refrain from taking pics like that so soon into a relationship as they are confusing. But if it would start WW3, I’d leave it.

Planetx posted 10/21/2020 18:37 PM

Ugh, the social media posts are the worst. They are doing it for the likes because they are empty inside. I also wonder what kind of woman would live with my XH, but I'm sure he's spun some tale about how wicked I was to him. I would block them on social media if you haven't already.

Bigger posted 10/22/2020 06:46 AM

You guys are separated – as in the first step towards divorce. It’s not as if you hope or intend to reunite and mend the family.
This girlfriend is not the one that was there at d-day. Your posts say he was using escorts. Am I correct that this is someone he met after you separated?

Although the timing might be inappropriate and probably better for all that new partners aren’t involved with kids until there is some seriousness then it’s unavoidable that your husband will move on.
I doubt your husband needs permission for the photoshoot, and I doubt you could prevent HIM from posting those photos on social media. You definitely could ask her to remove the photos, but I think he could grant her permission if he wanted to. Depends on the separation agreement, the legality of the agreement and possibly who has prime custody.

One of possibly the hardest things we need to accept is that our co-parents move on and establish new families. Like I said earlier: common sense and best practice is to NOT introduce kids to someone you are getting to know. Unfortunately common sense isn’t so common and this can seldom be regulated.
What I do know is that it’s better if whoever our co-parent is with is kind and considerate towards our child and turns out to be a great co-parent. IF this relationship your soon-to-be-ex is in lasts, its better that your child is involved rather than excluded.

homewrecked2011 posted 10/22/2020 07:19 AM

In my situation, xh is with a crazy OW now wife. Everything I gave input on to xh,, she purposely went full force with what aggravated me. I learned my lesson and then never gave my opinion—basically the grey rock principle (info can be found online).

You’ll find out in time if the new GF is a nice person, believing his lies. If so, she might work with you on this type of thing.
But, just in case she’s the crazy type, I wouldn’t tell her your concerns yet about the fb photos or she’ll load everything up with fb photos.

FWIW, your stbxwh hasn’t gotten any mental help. He can’t hide the real him for long. Within a couple of years he’ll be cheating on her.

EvenKeel posted 10/22/2020 08:08 AM

My ex had an influx of new GFs (and their kids) moving in quickly as well.

I kept my focus to:
- Is the new GF (and kids) nice to you?

As long as she was nice to them, that was the end of my questioning.

Luckily, my ex picked new GFs that were indeed nice to them and made them feel included, etc.

I suspect that is what this new GF is doing by this picture (despite the inappropriate short duration of their relationship).

asked my son if he though it was weird that he had his photo taken with people he barely knows and that they are going yo give these photos to people he doesnt even know and has never even met
Gently, I would avoid this. It does nothing but put him in an even more uncomfortable spot because if it was no biggie to him, he feels like he is betraying you somewhat.

Ask yourself that opposite...what if they would have excluded your DS from this picture of your WH with her kids? The path they choose (since they felt they needed to do this) is the best one for your DS to feel incorporated.

I know it is hard Sally.

my poor child, will be more effd up out this than the actual divorce!
No he won't. Despite your WH's choices, your DS still have YOU. He will see what is appropriate in this own time. Even when they do crazy parent choices....this is still his father.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 8:09 AM, October 22nd (Thursday)]

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