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Something happen for the first time...

godheals posted 7/14/2020 12:52 PM

I was the store yesterday with the two youngest. I was getting ready to checkout and then it happen. I saw the AP. In 4 and half years since dday I have never run into him anywhere. I felt sick to my stomach instantly. He was just standing there getting ready to checkout. I run to the first open check out and got the hell out. By the time I was walking out and done he was no where around. I donít know if he saw me or not.

By the time I got home my H was already home. I got the kids inside and got them going on something to distract them inside. I walked back outside and told my H I needed to tell him something. Told him I was getting ready to checkout and I saw him there. My H just said ok. He didnít make a face. He was not mad or upset. No comment. Just said ok. Told him that was the first time ever running into him. He asked me how I felt about it. I said horrible and I felt sick to my stomach. I have him a hug and had tears in my eyes. He said it was ok and it was going to happen sooner or later. Told me not to cry and stop shaking. He took it well.

Later on in the evening we were outside together with no kids. I asked him if he was ok and if he needed to talk? He said he was good and he didnít need to talk but he wanted to talk to me. He told me he was glad it happen. Gave him a little more peace with it. Showed him I can be honest with him. He felt that sense of Security he needs. He asked me if I talked to him. If him or me had said something to each other. I told him no. Told him I didnít even know if he saw me.

He also said to me he could tell I was a little off when I got home. I seem stressed out. He knows I been stress with the kids home but could sense it was something else. I told him I just wanted to get the kids doing something first before telling him. I asked him if I did the right thing because I was also scared he would said to me he wish I never told him. He said he was glad I did and he was glad it happen. He now knows if it happens again I would tell him. It lead us to a great talk about the past and our future. Afterwards he said to me again I am glad this happen. We needed this in order to continue to grow. He felt like we take other step forward with our M and he felt good. He told me he loved me and he was not going to hold this over my head forever. He wants us to grow and move on. Kinda shocked he took it that well. Thought I was going to get some kind of reaction. He was just super claim about it.

DoinBettr posted 7/14/2020 13:07 PM

Just going to say you handled it correctly. Did you tell your husband how amazed and happy you are that he handled your confession so well?
Just make sure you reinforce the positive in him like he is in you.

MrCleanSlate posted 7/14/2020 13:41 PM

godheals,

Best thing you did was tell you BH. But your gut reaction to seeing the AP tells the most about where you are today.

Reading your post reminded me of when I was at an airport with my BW about a year and a half after D-Day and I saw woman in profile that looked like my AP. Logic would say the odds of AP being in a foreign airport at same time are near zero, but I literally started to have a panic attack and my poor BW thought I was having a heart attack or something. I told her who I thought I saw and she looked worried too. Anyway the woman turned and sure enough it wasn't her. My BW gave me a big hug after. She had a better response from my behaviour than any words I could ever tell her about my commitment to us and that my feelings for AP were done and over.

godheals posted 7/14/2020 13:55 PM

Right after our talk he was getting ready to go for a walk with a few of our kids and the dog. I gave him a hug and he asked me if it was a rough day for me? I said to him he made it better and thank you for being so great with it. He told me he loved me. I said it back to him but he come back with ďI love you moreĒ.

He also said to me he thought I handled it perfect. ďIt was perfect and thought you did everything right would not change a thingĒ.

My H has come along with this and I think he continues to surprise me. When he told me he was glad it happen didnít think I would ever hear that from him. Wow!

Darkness Falls posted 7/14/2020 14:06 PM

Good for you! And Iím happy your H was calm about something obviously out of your control. Iím happy for yíall.

fooled13years posted 7/14/2020 14:37 PM

I saw the AP. In 4 and half years since dday I have never run into him anywhere

When an A ends the people involved don't just drop off the face of the earth.This is just another consequence of the A.
He asked me how I felt about it. I said horrible and I felt sick to my stomach

Told me not to cry and stop shaking

I believe this is the physical and emotional responses of a remorseful WS.

I shake my head when a BS relates that their WS works with the AP, the A is over but they do not want to quit their job and seeing the AP everyday at work is okay.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/16/2020 11:02 AM

What a powerful story...thank you for sharing !

I am a HUGE proponent for the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" in the Reconciliation Forum...and THIS post definitely should go in that thread . Not only is it very POSITIVE...it also shows how doing what is right can bring healing to BOTH people .

All you have to do is copy your post and paste it into that thread .

Thumos posted 7/16/2020 17:51 PM

My WW came home from the park one day to tell me the AP had been there. I wish sheíd handled it more like you. Instead it was more of a tight-lipped thing that seemed begrudging.

Course her AP lives in the same neighborhood about 1.5 miles away and our kids go to the same school etc. So I have to see her AP all the time, regularly.

oldtruck posted 7/16/2020 21:32 PM

it is recommended for recovering couples to move far away
from the AP after day.

foreverlabeled posted 7/17/2020 06:23 AM

Godheals, honestly I didn't expect any less from you! I have seen you take the advice here coupled with your remorse and do really helpful and healing things.

MrsWalloped posted 7/17/2020 08:06 AM

Good for you!
So sorry you had to see the AP, but you handled it so well! And the way you were honest with you BH, it makes total sense that he was appreciative of that. Itís all about honesty and transparency.

So, so happy your BH had such a good reaction and that you confirmed your love for each other.

I think stories like yours are good reminders for us and our BSís alike that this is a day by day thing and these out of the blue curve balls will pop up. Itís how we deal with them that counts.

Pippin posted 7/20/2020 08:09 AM

It speaks very well of you Godheals, good for you. My husband received some information that the AP had some life changes that were probably good for his wife and children and bad for him (or at least bad for his self image as a Big Important Person), and we both spent the day giggling.

NaturalX posted 9/13/2020 23:14 PM

You're acting like you're the victim here.

MyAndI posted 9/16/2020 20:49 PM

NaturalX, looks like she's in the roller coaster WS's face in R. She's doing the hard work. Your comment was not helpful.

thatbpguy posted 9/16/2020 22:06 PM

Wow. I think your reaction to seeing the AP shows growth and just good things about you. Well handled and really well done on your husband's part. That actually a heart warming post.

Bulcy posted 9/19/2020 10:23 AM

Do any of you have plans on what you would do in this situation?

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