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Caught wife cheating

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getgo posted 7/18/2020 18:46 PM

I want to be sure that my evidence is strong enough. I have seen the car that drops my wife off at her car on more than one occasion. I have been using a VAR for weeks that recorded several phone conversations. I can only hear my wife speaking though. There is always I love you's said in conversation but also talk of reserving a hotel for same day each week. I also hear drunk conversation as he was at her car saying good bye and sound of kissing. It's enough proof for me but not sure if enough for the OM wife?

Maybe if she recognizes his drunk voice. One thing is apparent. Even though I cant here his voice it is obvious that he is feverishly telling her not to get close to me or work on things as I can tell by her responses agreeing. He does most of the talking with her saying uh huh most of the time like she is under his spell. She also sits on the couch in a paralyzed state eagerly waiting for the next text. The phone never leaves her hand and she is communicating with him night and day but takes a car ride to speak by phone.

She still handles her responsibilities in the house and with the kids but her mind is in a different place and the kids really sense it.

Kaliber posted 7/18/2020 18:58 PM

I want to be sure that my evidence is strong enough.

Indeed that's a problem!
I think you need to get to your wife's phone.

I know someone that did something stupid, but it worked, he basically snatched the mobile out of his wife's hand when she was texting and it was unlocked, ran to a room and lock him self, screenshot all text and sent it to him self!
His wife was banging on the door screaming!
He got the room ready to lock it fast, it was the only way for him to get to her phone.
It worked for him.

can you find a away to get to her phone, any other device that is synced with it, like iPad or something?

Can you PI them at the drop point and video them?

Or phone bell (I think you can see the texts on the operator website if you have a family plan)

Or FoneLab to get a back up copy of every thing (you will need the device, like when she is sleeping), you need to read about it though so you know how it works, some people might come here and help with that or advice you how to get more advance.

[This message edited by Kaliber at 7:08 PM, July 18th (Saturday)]

goalong posted 7/18/2020 19:46 PM

there is no need to have any more proof. If OBS is worried she will take action. Imagine she call you with the same information you have. Won't you take action? If their life style is open marriage she will just ignore your call.
Have you taken a firm decision on marriage. If it is D, you do not need to bother much about what she is doing and prepare to get the best deal with minimal aggravation.

[This message edited by goalong at 7:52 PM, July 18th (Saturday)]

Buffer posted 7/18/2020 20:50 PM

Brother, you have more than enough evidence. Reach out to the OMW. You cannot live life by The what ifís. If they are in a open marriage fine, if they are D fine. But what if they arenít? She still has the right to know, just be careful you donít want a AVO taken out on you. Try a natural area for the meeting.
Tell your STBX employer that there is a ongoing sexual relationship going on in the workplace.
Go for primary custody as your STBX canít really look after the children whilst going on trysts with her AP.
One day at a time
Buffer

getgo posted 7/18/2020 22:01 PM

I just got info on the hotel they go to. I can easily go there next week and catch them in the act. Maybe bring the OM wife. Any suggestions?
Evidence seems pretty good now.

Kaliber posted 7/18/2020 22:10 PM

I just got info on the hotel they go to. I can easily go there next week and catch them in the act. Maybe bring the OM wife. Any suggestions?
Evidence seems pretty good now.

You could, but how do you convince her to drive and follow you to the hotel?
You need to arrange that with her before, will she do it, or go wife rage on him once you tell her about the affair?

Or you can video them going to the hotel and use that as proof.

[This message edited by Kaliber at 10:11 PM, July 18th (Saturday)]

totallydumb posted 7/18/2020 22:19 PM

Just give the hotel information and let the OBS confront these cheaters in the act.

You can just sit back and watch the fireworks from a safe distance if you choose to.

Buster123 posted 7/18/2020 23:03 PM

You have plenty but if you want to catch them in the act at the hotel that's fine but be careful, once they get to the hotel call his wife to meet you there, then call their room, if it's one of those motels just knock on the door "room service" make sure you take a friend with you for back up and have the whole thing videotaped.

Kaliber posted 7/19/2020 06:11 AM

once they get to the hotel call his wife to meet you there, then call their room, if it's one of those motels just knock on the door "room service" make sure you take a friend with you for back up and have the whole thing videotaped.

This!

Michigan posted 7/19/2020 08:24 AM

Consider hiring a private investigator. They can be expensive because they charge by the hour but you have already done all the leg work. All they have to do is show up at the hotel and take pictures. Then you have a neutral professional with proof of the affair.

redwing6 posted 7/19/2020 13:13 PM

getgo
New Member
Member # 74823
Default Posted: 1:45 PM, July 17th (Friday), 2020 View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage
I just told me mother-in-law about my wife's cheating. I told her I understand you will always stand behind your daughter. That your daughter will tell you I am a terrible husband and she had no choice but to stray. To my surprise my MIL said don't expect that we will always side with our daughter. We have values and believe cheating is wrong and if she is doing so we will tell her she is wrong. She was also surprised and never expected this of her daughter.
She told me not to quit on this marriage and still try to work on things. Coming from my MIL she is thinking of the kids and family. I already know the reality is that this is not fixable.

Show your MIL your proof then, ALL of it. If she's as stand up as you make it sound, she's your best ally in this.

I would still file for D. DONT tell your WW. Just have her served AT WORK!!! On that day, if you've not already done so, contact her HR and tell them that you're divorcing due to infidelity with her coworker. They may already know about it. If she's in a position senior to AP, then SHE could be open to a Sexual Harassment charge from the AP.

Kaliber posted 7/19/2020 13:34 PM

contact her HR and tell them that you're divorcing due to infidelity with her coworker.

And they might get fired... SO before he does something like that he needs his attorney's advice, it might affect his alimony and the divorce process!

[This message edited by Kaliber at 1:35 PM, July 19th (Sunday)]

Fishin4happyness posted 7/19/2020 18:42 PM

You do not need anymore evidence. I know(we all know) how tough this is. But there shouldn't be anything you or the other BS should be uncertain about. Almost certainly, the second you blow up the AP's happy little lie, your cheating wife is going to change her tune about your marriage.

Kaliber posted 7/19/2020 18:58 PM

You do not need anymore evidence.

getgo says he doesn't have enough evidence to convince AP's wife, if he is going to blow up their fantasy he needs to do it right!

ChamomileTea posted 7/19/2020 19:14 PM

Consider hiring a private investigator. They can be expensive because they charge by the hour but you have already done all the leg work. All they have to do is show up at the hotel and take pictures. Then you have a neutral professional with proof of the affair.

From a licensed PI, this is admissible evidence. And even though you live in a "no fault" state, in some jurisdictions, adultery can still affect settlement. In some states adultery can reduce or even nullify spousal support and/or reimburse marital funds spent on the AP.

Newlifeisgreat posted 7/19/2020 20:19 PM

Can you have her served at the hotel?

KingofNothing posted 7/19/2020 21:40 PM

Man. I would so be at the hotel taking pictures from a place of concealment. And if possible get papers served there. WOW. I love that imagery.

So fantasy time over. It probably won't come together quickly enough to work like that. Even so, you could possible film them going and coming and take extensive photographs of them together and share it with his wife. If you feel bold, you can visit their hotel room, knock, and photograph the both of them at bedroom door. Best have the papers ready to go first, of course.

ShutterHappy posted 7/20/2020 04:32 AM

If you go to the hotel yourself and knock on the door, they might just see you through the peephole and not answer, or call security. If the OM answers, what will you do?

If you wait for them to exit the hotel hand in hand, you might wait a long time and youíll know what your WW is doing while you wait.

If you want more proof, Iím with some other posters that suggested a PI.

The question is, what is the best outcome for YOU? You already know she is cheating. If you are considering gathering more proofs only for the OBS, then just tell her what you have and let the pieces fall where they may.

If you doubt whether telling the OBS is a good idea, just read the ďnew betrayed husbandĒ Thread near your thread. He didnít know, the OBS told him. As members of the BS club, we stick together.

Does your WW know how much you know? She knows that you are aware of her meet up at the hotel and still, she goes anyways? You are taking care of your children while she goes to the hotel? This is not good for your sanity.

As long as your WW is dating the OM, the only solution for you is to start the D process.

BeyondRage posted 7/20/2020 09:19 AM

Getgo

I just read your thread again, only your postings.
You know what you are going to do, divorce her which is correct. You know who he is, what they are doing, and you are in a no fault state. And you also know your wife is not going to stop seeing him and will not be surprised or upset if and when you file.

So my question is what on earth are you doing???
If you are divorcing, the last thing you want is for her to get fired, which would probably hurt YOU financially in a divorce.

You are under no obligation to be an unpaid private investigator for the OBS, since you are correct in not having a clue what her response will be, and you have more than enough information to find her and show her what is going on.

If all that is correct, what do YOU have to gain by showing up at a hotel where they are. Seems to me the what is more likely to happen is
(1) more mental pain for you sitting outside while your wife is having sex with him
(2) physical confrontation if you lose your cool, and if she was incensed you spied on her, you can bet if the police arrive she will take his side
(3) physical injury. If you're in a concealed carry state, he might have a weapon.
(4) legal ramifications

Where is YOUR win here???? I'm just a "C" student but i missed it.

You are not in a court of law. You are the judge, jury, and executioner of this marriage, and you have correctly made your decision. my advice to you would be to proceed with your attorney and end this thing.

And by the way, ignore your MIL. She cares about her daughter and grandkids, not you to just calmly tell you to eat as much shit as her daughter dishes out.

Good luck. I hope you prceed directy to FILE

cf2018 posted 7/20/2020 10:05 AM

Just have to add that BeyondRage is spot on! You're torturing yourself with zero to gain.

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