prissy4lyfe posted 6/11/2020 16:45 PM

I know your wife is trying to be empathic in her correspondence to OBS... But it comes across as a bad novel.

Facts. Black and white.
When it started.
When it ended.
The child may not be his.
She has attempted to reach out again.
Offer proof.

My heart breaks for your wife. Possibly a child from this affair, false R and now AP attempting contact. Sending her hugs

Bulcy posted 6/13/2020 04:41 AM

This was an EA not PA. The doubt in my wifes mind is doubt on things being non physical.

Lalagirl posted 6/13/2020 06:28 AM

This was an EA not PA. The doubt in my wifes mind is doubt on things being non physical.

It would be very helpful if you would share your entire story at some point. Going by your profile and what you posted your wife wrote in the letter to OBS, we are going to assume this A was a PA.

Zugzwang posted 6/13/2020 11:30 AM

This was an EA not PA. The doubt in my wifes mind is doubt on things being non physical.

Doesn't matter. The OBS will be thinking exactly what your wife is thinking. That you guys slept together. From my marriage. My wife just moved forward believing that about me anyways. As far as she is concerned I still tried. I invited the AP over to our house while she was visiting my family and hers back home. The AP declined. I was out till 4am. Bar till 2 and Dennys till 4. I never slept with her either. Doesn't matter. The intention was there and that is all that matters. That I wanted to. So, she moved forward with the narrative that I did. I accept that. It is her reality. It doesn't matter to me if she is wrong. I would rather move forward with her than fight for that. I said my truth. I know I didn't lie. He will do the same, simply because of the time period.

Bulcy posted 6/23/2020 08:59 AM

Contact has been made to OBS. We're awaiting a response from him. Not sure if he will respond an any way, but we now know he knows.

It gives him the opportunity to make informed decisions and indeed start the process of healing their marriage.

Thanks for the support.

gmc94 posted 6/23/2020 16:27 PM

Friendly reminder that it's not unusual for a WS (here, your AP) to intercept communication with the OBS. I'm gonna assume that you and your BW considered that when determining the means to communicate to OBS.

If I were your BW, I would give it a week or so and then make a 2nd attempt asking that he (OBS) let her (your BW) know if he received the communication.

yowbw2019 posted 7/3/2020 00:35 AM

Interesting thread... this happened to me just a couple days ago. My husband's affair partner viewed his LinkedIn profile and I have been waiting to see if she reaches out to him by email. She hasn't yet. Additionally, he hasn't mentioned she's done this. Is this something I let go of bring up/make a big deal? When I found out, I told him he needed to tell me if she tried to contact him. I'm not 100 per cent sure this counts.

On the topic of telling her husband about the affair... is this a normal thing to do? I struggle with this, because if it were me, I would want to know (obviously) but I want to tell him simply because I know it would mess with her but again, I'm not sure it's my place?

thatwilldo posted 7/3/2020 14:10 PM

yowbw,

You said:

Interesting thread... this happened to me just a couple days ago. My husband's affair partner viewed his LinkedIn profile and I have been waiting to see if she reaches out to him by email. She hasn't yet. Additionally, he hasn't mentioned she's done this. Is this something I let go of bring up/make a big deal? When I found out, I told him he needed to tell me if she tried to contact him. I'm not 100 per cent sure this counts.

I think you should talk to him about it. Why wouldn't you? This is something he should have brought up with you. I imagine it's very troubling for you.

Bulcy posted 7/5/2020 07:01 AM

yowbw2019

For me you need to discuss this.

While there is (at this time) no direct contact, it is to me still a breach of no contact. If your WS had done it the other way and was looking at the AP's Linked-in profile this would certainly be a problem.

You asked him to let you know if she tried to make contact. It is difficult to know if this is contact or not, this for me should count as contact but others may disagree. (My BS and I viewed my FAP viewing my profile as as such). the fact that is it a point we're discussing on here suggests it is something you should be discussing with WS.

Edit - People know that if you view a profile then linked in inform the profile owner. Is this an attempt by former AP to tell your husband that she still exist as and is thinking about him? “Poke poke I’m still here”.

You also need to find out if your WS knows about AP looking at his profile. You do, so I assume he does too. You need to establish why he has not told you about it. (Was he too scared, did not view it as a problem, chose to hide it because he wants contact to happen? I don't know and do not want to make any assumption) At the very least you need to protect yourselves from any future viewing or contact.

Even if you decide to view this as not making direct contact, the AP is still around and forcing herself on your lives. I suspect this has caused you to trigger so needs to be dealt with. Please talk with WS.

[This message edited by Bulcy at 10:08 AM, July 6th (Monday)]

sassylee posted 7/11/2020 02:11 AM

Good choice Bulcy. I’m glad you are being so supportive of your wife. I wish someone had let me know about my H’s affair.

T/J

YOWBW:

On the topic of telling her husband about the affair... is this a normal thing to do? I struggle with this, because if it were me, I would want to know (obviously) but I want to tell him simply because I know it would mess with her but again, I'm not sure it's my place?lol

Doing the right thing is always the right thing - no matter the motivation. If you see someone drop their wallet, and you return it hoping for a reward - was it wrong to return it? Or will the owner be just as pleased as if you’d returned it to be kind? Same in this sitch. You tell the OBS because it’s the right thing to do. And it totally is your place. The OW inserted herself into your marriage. If you don’t tell him - who will? He has the right to know the truth about his life and you can give that to him. Start a fresh thread in General if you’d like support or advice in telling him.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:12 AM, July 11th (Saturday)]