In the initial stages of d-day, my wife and I were in no fit state to contact OBS. My wife because she thought she was too angry to deal with things and I was still massively in denial.
Once I had left the company I was working for (~6 months post d-day)we contacted AP to say if any attempt was made to contact me we would inform OBS. My wife was feeling extremely vulnerable and felt she would'nt be able to handle any fallout from the disclosure, but did attempt to get the AP to disclose the affair herself (My wifes words not mine). We read various forums and discussed at length weather to contact or not. Until Tuesday we had not made a decision.
We have drafted the following:
"I would like to start by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry to be the one telling you this, and I’m sorry for the upheaval I am about to place within your life, and I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.
During her employment at ********** in ********, your wife had an approximately 18 month affair with my husband.
During this time, both my husband and your wife spent innumerable hours detracting from their marriages through text messaging, emailing, phoning and meeting in person. I was unfortunate enough to have had access to both a large number of the text messages and the entirety of the work place emails and was aghast at the sheer quantity alone.
It would seem the telephone calls, predominantly initiated by your wife occurred almost on a daily basis for the duration of the affair partners commutes home. With these calls often being pre-arranged like ‘dates’ via emails beforehand.
I am unable to inform you of the content of the calls, however I can inform you that the text messaging and emailing had a sexual component.
Following my discovery of my husbands betrayal I asked that the affair cease and he informed me that he told ******* it had to stop the following working day. However, it took 6 moths for my husband to be able to secure another job and leave ******* and physical proximity to your wife. With my husband recently admitting the affair was essentially continuing, although to a lesser degree, until he final left. On his final day at ******** my husband once again (whilst in my presence) called your wife to tell her the affair was ended and that she should not attempt to contact him in any way.
I also contacted ********* soon after this to express my disgust with her involvement in the affair, to inform her of the extent of my knowledge of the affair and to ask her to stay away from my husband. Via this contact I told ********* that should she ever attempt to contact my husband again that I would inform you about the affair. Something I am assuming she has not previously disclosed to you.
It therefore is with a heavy heart that I must tell you not only of the affair, but that your wife has been ‘sniffing’ around my husband again via LinkedIn.
My husband an I have made every attempt possible to block your wife’s access to my husband and I am unaware of any other attempted contact occurring, but feel this breech from your wife requires that you are informed.
I am sorry to bring this news to you and can only empathise with the disruption it will bring to your family.
It saddens me to say that the affair occurred during the period in which your child was conceived. Although my husband has told me on numerous occasions the child is not his, the doubt will always be in my mind, along with the sadness due to the deceit surrounding this period of our life.
I truly hope that you will use this information to heal yourself in whichever way you see fit.
I’m sorry."
This has not been sent yet, would value comments.
Thanks