Zugzwang posted 3/19/2020 09:04 AM

I was just thinking as we got another new wayward here today...if your area is anything like ours, many people aren't working and many places are mandatory closed. This virus is going to bring to light many affairs as waywards can't see their APs so easily and spouses will be spending more time together.

MrCleanSlate posted 3/19/2020 10:55 AM

Zug,

That may be the case.

To change it around to a positive though: for all those WS and BS, whether recently past D-Day or well into R, take this as an opportunity to spend some quality time together and really talk to each other.

It is amazing how opening up the dialogue can help.

Zugzwang posted 3/19/2020 13:31 PM

Two positives then. I think it is a positive that those currently cheating might be found out.

MrCleanSlate posted 3/19/2020 13:40 PM

Zug,

With all the years since my A I forget all the skulduggery and skulking involved in keeping an A going.

Yes I bet there will be an awful lot of A's being exposed, and a lot of couples really straining to keep R going. Heck, even a lot of M's with no infidelity will be tested.

My BW is working from home, as I am most days too. To be honest I really enjoy the extra time together. 5 years ago I would have been chaffing already.

I try to put a positive spin on things. Look on this as a chance to really reconnect.

Darkness Falls posted 3/19/2020 13:42 PM

Thankfully my H is still working so he is NOT here.

bluephoenix posted 3/19/2020 13:58 PM

Im not a WS but I know undiscovered waywards will find a way no matter how to keep in contact. My WS conducted the bulk of his A through internet and phone sex and I was in the same house. I would hope all of keep your heads on your families and their safety. Spend that quality time with your family. Stay away from the internet or your phones unless you work from home. Now is the time to attune. Upload a book of relationship questions to ask your spouses and sit down and work on attuning your relationship. Surprise them with that activity. They will love that you are the one that thought of it instead of them for once.

MrCleanSlate posted 3/19/2020 14:35 PM

Darkness,

I've previously read a few of your posts and can appreciate where your comment comes from....I feel for you.

Feel free to post for suport if you need it.

pinkpggy posted 3/20/2020 12:26 PM

We have all been home together for a week. My husband has a cold and is quarantined to the bonus room and I'm sleeping in the guest room. We have actually spent less time together.

I have no "safe place" to feel secure with him so no where to get comfort in uncertain times. Thankfully I have a supportive family.

I heard this virus may make divorce rates spike when all is said and done.

BeyondRage posted 3/20/2020 15:10 PM

Zugswang

. I think it is a positive that those currently cheating might be found out.

You got that right. A bunch of waywards that will not be able to resist the drug fix will take chances they would not have two weeks ago.

Zugzwang posted 3/20/2020 16:50 PM

The bad is that when found out, it will be hard to get away from each other for some peace of mind.

Darkpit posted 3/20/2020 18:16 PM

I said to my wife (BS) that we bring the best out in each other. I too hope this virus and the actions needed to keep safe will bring married couples together and closer. And any WS will really see that the grass isn't greener over the fence. This I know too well.

HeHadADoubleLife posted 3/20/2020 18:36 PM

Zug, I too am nervous that we are about to get an influx of newly minted BSs, who will unfortunately not have the option to get away from their WS. And in turn, WS will feel even more trapped, which could lead to worse anger, blameshifting, denial etc. as they try to grapple with being caught, leading to even more trauma for their BS.

I hope our SI community can figure out a way to help in these unique circumstances. As the most common advice for a BS is to get an IC, 180, and see an attorney, all of which are difficult to do in the current climate. The 180 is very difficult to accomplish, but much more difficult when people are remaining in their homes 24/7. I guess attorneys could take video calls, but I know I wouldn't feel comfortable talking with attorneys when my WS is downstairs.

And what will be our recommendations for IC? The most common advice for an incoming WS is to get into IC and work on their own issues, how will we as a community address this? A few things I foresee.

First, that finding an IC will be more difficult because many are now moving to Skype/video sessions, and a lot will not take on new patients without meeting in person.

Second, even with the various online therapy platforms that are available now, they are still limited in their capacity. I was using one of the major online platforms for a while, but still felt like I wasn't getting enough out of it because they were only half hour sessions, and I ended up seeking out a trauma specialist to see in person in addition to my online IC. I also had a difficult time finding someone with trauma experience on the online platforms.

Last but not least, therapy is already cost prohibitive for many people, and given that many are losing their jobs due to Covid-19, I could see that IC might prove almost completely impossible for some people financially. I myself just had to let both of my therapists know that I am going to have to suspend sessions for the foreseeable future. My industry is totally shut down, and I have to conserve whatever resources I have.

I was just thinking that maybe the absolute first thing to recommend to our new members is the Betrayal Trauma podcast with Marnie and Dwayne. Probably a good listen for both BS and WS, and at least that is accomplishable for free, from anywhere.

Any other thoughts on how we as a community can adjust our recommendations according to these peculiar times?

Newlifeisgreat posted 3/21/2020 12:53 PM

Which will be higher.....?

A) divorce rate
B) birth rate

ZenMumWalking posted 3/21/2020 15:57 PM

I heard this virus may make divorce rates spike when all is said and done.

This seems to already be happening in China.

And yeah, I think we will see a spike in the birth rate akin to that of the New York brown-outs some years ago.

Carissima posted 3/22/2020 17:50 PM

I said in another thread that I think there will be a spike in infidelity in hospitals and health care related industries. Wherever there is a buildup of stress and pressure some people will use sex as a means to unwind, unfortunately sometimes they do it with other other people's spouses. Plus a lot of then will be working long additional hours in their workplace away from their families, hell there may even be a seclusion order out in place soon in some areas.

gmc94 posted 3/22/2020 22:25 PM

Wow. I hadn’t thought of just how completely effed up it would be to get in a quickie with an AP while supposedly in quarantine or self isolation or whatever they are calling it today

Adultery! Now with new and improved harm from Covid-19!

Stronger4it posted 3/25/2020 09:14 AM

Thoughts and prayers to those in-house separation people.

Zugzwang posted 3/25/2020 12:52 PM

Agree there. ^^^^