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Wayward Side :
This virus may bring a huge influx of infidelity

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 Zugzwang (original poster member #39069) posted at 3:04 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2020

I was just thinking as we got another new wayward here today...if your area is anything like ours, many people aren't working and many places are mandatory closed. This virus is going to bring to light many affairs as waywards can't see their APs so easily and spouses will be spending more time together.

"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS



posts: 4938   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2013
id 8524743
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MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 4:55 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2020

Zug,

That may be the case.

To change it around to a positive though: for all those WS and BS, whether recently past D-Day or well into R, take this as an opportunity to spend some quality time together and really talk to each other.

It is amazing how opening up the dialogue can help.

WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day

posts: 690   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8524760
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 Zugzwang (original poster member #39069) posted at 7:31 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2020

Two positives then. I think it is a positive that those currently cheating might be found out.

"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS



posts: 4938   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2013
id 8524791
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MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 7:40 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2020

Zug,

With all the years since my A I forget all the skulduggery and skulking involved in keeping an A going.

Yes I bet there will be an awful lot of A's being exposed, and a lot of couples really straining to keep R going. Heck, even a lot of M's with no infidelity will be tested.

My BW is working from home, as I am most days too. To be honest I really enjoy the extra time together. 5 years ago I would have been chaffing already.

I try to put a positive spin on things. Look on this as a chance to really reconnect.

WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day

posts: 690   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8524792
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Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 7:42 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2020

Thankfully my H is still working so he is NOT here.

Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again

Staying together for the kids

D-day 2010

posts: 6490   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 8524794
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bluephoenix ( member #71501) posted at 7:58 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2020

Im not a WS but I know undiscovered waywards will find a way no matter how to keep in contact. My WS conducted the bulk of his A through internet and phone sex and I was in the same house. I would hope all of keep your heads on your families and their safety. Spend that quality time with your family. Stay away from the internet or your phones unless you work from home. Now is the time to attune. Upload a book of relationship questions to ask your spouses and sit down and work on attuning your relationship. Surprise them with that activity. They will love that you are the one that thought of it instead of them for once.

BW- (me) 2nd marriage
WH- (him) 2nd marriage
Vagina pics from old girlfriend on FB 12/16
2 month Long distance EA and PA once with childhood FB friend 12/07/18-02/02/19
D-Day 09/01/2019 two weeks after married

posts: 165   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2019   ·   location: Illinois
id 8524796
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MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 8:35 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2020

Darkness,

I've previously read a few of your posts and can appreciate where your comment comes from....I feel for you.

Feel free to post for suport if you need it.

WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day

posts: 690   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8524807
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pinkpggy ( member #61240) posted at 6:26 PM on Friday, March 20th, 2020

We have all been home together for a week. My husband has a cold and is quarantined to the bonus room and I'm sleeping in the guest room. We have actually spent less time together.

I have no "safe place" to feel secure with him so no where to get comfort in uncertain times. Thankfully I have a supportive family.

I heard this virus may make divorce rates spike when all is said and done.

Happily Divorced

posts: 1916   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2017   ·   location: North Carolina
id 8525035
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BeyondRage ( member #71328) posted at 9:10 PM on Friday, March 20th, 2020

Zugswang

. I think it is a positive that those currently cheating might be found out.

You got that right. A bunch of waywards that will not be able to resist the drug fix will take chances they would not have two weeks ago.

Me- 49M
WW- 48F
Kids- 23,21,20,18 all female
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=640592

posts: 505   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2019   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8525073
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 Zugzwang (original poster member #39069) posted at 10:50 PM on Friday, March 20th, 2020

The bad is that when found out, it will be hard to get away from each other for some peace of mind.

"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS



posts: 4938   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2013
id 8525110
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Darkpit ( new member #74056) posted at 12:16 AM on Saturday, March 21st, 2020

I said to my wife (BS) that we bring the best out in each other. I too hope this virus and the actions needed to keep safe will bring married couples together and closer. And any WS will really see that the grass isn't greener over the fence. This I know too well.

It is no debate; What I did destroyed her world.

posts: 3   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2020   ·   location: CA
id 8525135
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 12:36 AM on Saturday, March 21st, 2020

Zug, I too am nervous that we are about to get an influx of newly minted BSs, who will unfortunately not have the option to get away from their WS. And in turn, WS will feel even more trapped, which could lead to worse anger, blameshifting, denial etc. as they try to grapple with being caught, leading to even more trauma for their BS.

I hope our SI community can figure out a way to help in these unique circumstances. As the most common advice for a BS is to get an IC, 180, and see an attorney, all of which are difficult to do in the current climate. The 180 is very difficult to accomplish, but much more difficult when people are remaining in their homes 24/7. I guess attorneys could take video calls, but I know I wouldn't feel comfortable talking with attorneys when my WS is downstairs.

And what will be our recommendations for IC? The most common advice for an incoming WS is to get into IC and work on their own issues, how will we as a community address this? A few things I foresee.

First, that finding an IC will be more difficult because many are now moving to Skype/video sessions, and a lot will not take on new patients without meeting in person.

Second, even with the various online therapy platforms that are available now, they are still limited in their capacity. I was using one of the major online platforms for a while, but still felt like I wasn't getting enough out of it because they were only half hour sessions, and I ended up seeking out a trauma specialist to see in person in addition to my online IC. I also had a difficult time finding someone with trauma experience on the online platforms.

Last but not least, therapy is already cost prohibitive for many people, and given that many are losing their jobs due to Covid-19, I could see that IC might prove almost completely impossible for some people financially. I myself just had to let both of my therapists know that I am going to have to suspend sessions for the foreseeable future. My industry is totally shut down, and I have to conserve whatever resources I have.

I was just thinking that maybe the absolute first thing to recommend to our new members is the Betrayal Trauma podcast with Marnie and Dwayne. Probably a good listen for both BS and WS, and at least that is accomplishable for free, from anywhere.

Any other thoughts on how we as a community can adjust our recommendations according to these peculiar times?

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 839   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8525139
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Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 6:53 PM on Saturday, March 21st, 2020

Which will be higher.....?

A) divorce rate

B) birth rate

Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 696   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8525328
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ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 9:57 PM on Saturday, March 21st, 2020

I heard this virus may make divorce rates spike when all is said and done.

This seems to already be happening in China.

And yeah, I think we will see a spike in the birth rate akin to that of the New York brown-outs some years ago.

Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now

posts: 8533   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2009   ·   location: EU
id 8525350
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Carissima ( member #66330) posted at 11:50 PM on Sunday, March 22nd, 2020

I said in another thread that I think there will be a spike in infidelity in hospitals and health care related industries. Wherever there is a buildup of stress and pressure some people will use sex as a means to unwind, unfortunately sometimes they do it with other other people's spouses. Plus a lot of then will be working long additional hours in their workplace away from their families, hell there may even be a seclusion order out in place soon in some areas.

posts: 963   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2018
id 8525578
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 4:25 AM on Monday, March 23rd, 2020

Wow. I hadn’t thought of just how completely effed up it would be to get in a quickie with an AP while supposedly in quarantine or self isolation or whatever they are calling it today

Adultery! Now with new and improved harm from Covid-19!

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3828   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8525617
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Stronger4it ( member #39372) posted at 3:14 PM on Wednesday, March 25th, 2020

Thoughts and prayers to those in-house separation people.

Me BS 46
Him WS 48
Together 18 yrs
Daughter 9
DD Nov 13/12
Today ?

posts: 343   ·   registered: May. 27th, 2013
id 8526210
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 Zugzwang (original poster member #39069) posted at 6:52 PM on Wednesday, March 25th, 2020

Agree there. ^^^^

"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS



posts: 4938   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2013
id 8526281
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