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She's mad at ME?

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Buffer posted 1/3/2020 01:25 AM

Lift all safeties time for nuclear release. Has been approved by WW.

swmnbc posted 1/3/2020 08:04 AM

Good luck to you. I'm sorry it's come to this, but I'm glad she has left you with no doubt about her true nature. You can move forward with eyes wide open now.

Slanted posted 1/3/2020 08:46 AM

Lift all safeties time for nuclear release. Has been approved by WW.

So you're saying it's time for WWIII?

My bad jokes and all, I think you are right. Especially after the useless conversations I have had with her in the last 24 hours.

Not sure if you all are aware of this, but see, this cheating stuff may not be my fault exactly, but it happened when it did because of me. There was no other choice available.

As someone said upthread: okay, cheater!

[This message edited by Slanted at 9:06 AM, January 3rd (Friday)]

Gutpunch posted 1/3/2020 09:12 AM

You'll be much happier once you shed this turd.

Marz posted 1/3/2020 15:35 PM

If nothing else you should have figured out what more talk gets you.

Absolutely nothing

Slanted posted 1/3/2020 20:40 PM

If nothing else you should have figured out what more talk gets you.
Absolutely nothing

Hard lesson for me. But yep, I've learned that, for sure.

Writing is the same way. I write a careful few paragraphs that take forever to get right, and I get back a projectile vomiting of words. Pages of what's wrong with me. So that's nice.

Met with IC. Good plans are afoot.

Marz posted 1/3/2020 20:46 PM

You are trying to rationalize to an irrational person.

List carefully. You will never win that.

Learn to ignore and go your own way.

If not you'll get more of what you've been getting.

[This message edited by Marz at 8:46 PM, January 3rd (Friday)]

Marz posted 1/3/2020 20:51 PM

It's tough to figure this stuff out early on but you'll get there.

You're listening and taking stock. This'll get better but you just have to keep moving forward.

Good job on reaching out and searching for help. You'll need all the support you can get.

Have a good weekend

skeetermooch posted 1/3/2020 23:04 PM

Sounds like you've got some forward motion. This process sucks ass but we're going to get through it!

No normal person is prepared for this maelstrom of insanity. We just keep trying, searching underneath the lies and rationalizations for the nice person we married. Yeah, no such person. They just weren't acting crazy for a while because they were getting what they wanted.

Slanted posted 1/4/2020 14:48 PM

No normal person is prepared for this maelstrom of insanity. We just keep trying, searching underneath the lies and rationalizations for the nice person we married. Yeah, no such person. They just weren't acting crazy for a while because they were getting what they wanted.

You're right- we'll get through it, because there's no real alternative! Get strong or get played.

skeetermooch posted 1/4/2020 17:53 PM

Get strong or get played.

New motto.

Slanted posted 1/5/2020 12:19 PM

New motto.

Glad to hear it! Maybe mine too.

Slanted posted 1/5/2020 12:25 PM

Comic relief update-

have not had more conversations, because why. WW did come talk to me just now to complain angrily that the allotment of garage space was unfavorable to her.

What even is that?


faithfulman posted 1/5/2020 14:20 PM

Comic relief update-
have not had more conversations, because why. WW did come talk to me just now to complain angrily that the allotment of garage space was unfavorable to her.

What even is that?

She's trying to figure out how she's the victim or how you're both somehow to blame.

Tigersrule77 posted 1/6/2020 14:30 PM

I think you have an idea of how your D is going to play out. She is going to fight you for everything, whether it is logical or not. Be prepared for this.

I would suggest that you make sure you know what is important to you and what is not. Pretend everything is important, and that will allow you to bend on the things you don't really care about. But do not give up anything without negotiating. She will take anything you give, but likely not reciprocate on things that are important to you.

farsidejunky posted 1/6/2020 16:12 PM

What even is that?

It is yet another example of her reverse engineering her status as the victim.

Be prepared for more of this, with varying degrees of ridiculousness.

Look up the Karpman Drama Triangle. It will give you some amazing insight into her thought processes at the moment.

Slanted posted 1/7/2020 12:09 PM

I think you have an idea of how your D is going to play out. She is going to fight you for everything, whether it is logical or not. Be prepared for this.

I live in the hope that love for our offspring will be enough for her to keep her worst instincts in check. But I fear that you are right and that she will choose the scorched earth version of this.

numb&dumb posted 1/7/2020 12:51 PM

Slanted I said this before. She sounds like a narcissist. Even most pro-marriage infidelity experts agree that you cannot R with a narcissist.

Expedite the plan.

Oh and FWIW. . .

Give her this as the reason when you file:

"The lack of sex made me D you. The refusal to accept 100% responsibility just validated my decision to D as the, 'only option.'"

Then go dark. Narcs need an audience. Don't give her that.

Slanted posted 1/7/2020 13:14 PM

Slanted I said this before. She sounds like a narcissist. Even most pro-marriage infidelity experts agree that you cannot R with a narcissist.
Expedite the plan.

Oh and FWIW. . .

Give her this as the reason when you file:

"The lack of sex made me D you. The refusal to accept 100% responsibility just validated my decision to D as the, 'only option.'"

Then go dark. Narcs need an audience. Don't give her that.

Thanks. I don't know to what extent she fits the definition, but let's just say MC and IC have said things along these lines.

I want to expedite, but feel as if I should get legal advice first, since what follows may not be pretty. That is taking longer than I would prefer.

I am curious about why you say to give "lack of sex" as a reason, rather than infidelity, lying, and gaslighting.

hatefulnow posted 1/7/2020 13:29 PM

Slanted,

So sorry you're here. I'm a little late to the 'party' so to speak so I'm sorry if I cover old ground.

I was lucky in that my XWW got very contrite very fast. Most aren't so fortunate. The most important thing to do now is look after yourself. Rest, water, excercise, IC, etc. The next most important thing (even more than the kids, IMHO) is DO NOT do the pick me dance. If she comes at you with 'invasion of privacy' or 'control' issues, be ready to broom her. Don't take any of her crap. NOT...ONE...BIT! Do not get aggitated or excited. Be calm, but firm. You were both in the same marriage, but (hopefully) you didn't cheat. That is entirely on her. She's gotta own that.

If you DO the dance, it will only prolong your suffering and may even embolden her to become more outragious. That will not be good for the kids. It will only cause them to possibly act out and lose respect for both of you.

No matter what, maintain your dignity.

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