Broken4good posted 11/10/2019 16:31 PM

I have always used music to get me through the hardest times. Unfortunately, almost my entire playlist is currently tainted in some way or another by experiences or discussions I've had with my AP. I deleted everything that makes me think of him, per Maia's survival guide, and am trying to rebuild, any suggestions? Anything, that helped you feel strong when you all felt you weren't? Also, I couldn't find anyway to see if this was already a topic, so I apologize if this is a re-post.

Sayuwontletgo posted 11/10/2019 17:46 PM

Music for whatever reason cuts through all my defenses and helps me get to a place that's very emotional. I've never understood it and probably dont need to over analyze but I'll share some of the ones that help me on bad days.

Jessie J- Who you are
Switch- symphony
Jessie J- masterpiece
Francesca Battistelli- The break up song (it's about fear not relationship breakup)
Tauren Wells-Known
Marren Morris-The Bones
Lauren Daigle- You Say
James Arthur- Say you wont let go

ETA: some of these that are more directed toward a relationship/romance are very specific for tied memories with my BH. I needed those to remember the good emotions and memories with him. It helped solidify that positive association again. If you have any of those that arent tainted by AP try to maybe remember one that still gets to your heart?

[This message edited by Sayuwontletgo at 6:19 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]

FoenixRising posted 11/10/2019 18:11 PM

Hole- live through this album
Rage against the machine
Billie elish
Bright eyes- first day of my life
Enya
Paramore

Barregirl posted 11/10/2019 18:56 PM

I pretty much listen to rock, so most of the songs I like have nothing to do with love and relationships. My playlist consists of Disturbed, Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet for My Valentine, Buckcherry, Rise Against, All That Remains, Stone Sour, Slipknot, Stone Temple Pilots, Nirvana, Soundgarden, and when I'm in a mellower mood, Panic! At the Disco and the Ataris.

pinkpggy posted 11/10/2019 19:19 PM

I played Scars to Your Beautiful over and over by Alessia Cara after dday!

Lots of stuff by Maren Morris as well. She has a good one out now called The Bones.

JBWD posted 11/10/2019 19:22 PM

TBH almost anything turns me into a blubbering mess. I actually tend to storm out of the supermarket. I am much preferring silence.

In the car that silence is sometimes too much so then I’ll put on something high energy and, quite frankly, get fairly manic...

Like I said, silence is working out aces for me...

maise posted 11/10/2019 20:09 PM

Edited: WS accidentally posted in my name.

[This message edited by maise at 9:17 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]

ChanceAtLife35 posted 11/10/2019 21:20 PM

^^^I did that, my apologies. Here was my original post now in the correct name:

I am not religious at all nor do i go to church, but Gospel music has been helping me stay afloat and lifting my spirits. Bossa Nova on Pandora is a great mood lifter too.

FearfulAvoidance posted 11/10/2019 21:47 PM

Fighter - Joseph
White Flag - Joseph
Everytime It Rains - Charlotte Martin
Out of the Dark - Dia Frampton
Kai's Song - Overcoats
Precious Illusions - Alanis Morissette
Don't Kill My Vibe - Sigrid
The River - Aurora
Bad Guy - Billie Eilish
Brand New Eyes - Bea Miller
If I Dare - Sarah Bareilles
I Am Here - Pink
Cut to the Feeling - Carly Rae Jepsen
Fight or Fly - Barnaby Bright

These are songs that have gotten me through since coming out of the fog of Dday2, when my A was finally over. There is the general vibe of "I fucked up but I'm trying to be better and grow" or "don't give up this is worth it".

Except for Billie Eilish, Sigrid, and Carly Rae Jepsen. Those are just to get my spirits up and my body moving, which is also important in the aftermath of Dday!

hikingout posted 11/11/2019 08:12 AM

For a long time after DDay, I couldn't listen to music that much. As you said, so much was tainted, and even things I didn't realize were tainted then became tainted just because they were popular during that miserable part of my life.

But, I started running to try and feel better (it worked, I still do it avidly), and I found that if I listened to music it was more enjoyable. I didn't go off playlists, and still haven't returned to them. I just pick a station - depending on my device - I have amazon music with my echo, iTunes radio on my phone, etc. One that I use a lot when I am running or cleaning is an 80's station. Most of it is cheerful and upbeat and makes my body feel like moving. It's also safe. I have gotten back to listening to the radio in the car some. H and I go to a lot of concerts for our date nights, he's a huge classic rock and blues fan, so I find myself exploring the music of the artists that we see together as kind of another way of starting back. But, just be aware during the time that you are in right now, you may find yourself tainting other music.

I feel for you, it was hard for me to concentrate on anything and I do love music. I am an avid reader, and couldn't read books during that time. I wasn't myself in any way. But, what I got from that was experimenting with things that was outside of my comfort zone, and it's made me more diverse in hobbies and other things I enjoy. This is something I would embrace because one of the things my IC told me I was striving for is to create a life I didn't want to escape from. That means finding new passions, new enjoyment, learning new things about myself. She said the affair feelings were something I was latching onto because I didn't make it a priority to make myself happy. All that to say this is a good question in a good direction. Keep making those steps.

Maia posted 11/11/2019 08:35 AM

Jars of Clay is the band:
Liquid
Flood
Love Song for a Savior (it was on the radio, I promise it isn't awful. I think all of these were.)

I'm also partial to Third Day. Their Revelations album and Offering album are fantastic.

but as far as "secular" music. (LOL I think all music is really God's)

Better Now - Collective Soul
Dog Days are Over - Florence and the Machine
I've got a Feeling- Black-Eyed Peas
Feeling Good- Nina Simone
Drops of Jupiter- Train
Brother- Needtobreathe/Gavin McGraw

those make me happy. :-)

I also really like Flyleaf. "Sick." Turn it way up.

Since my return from my stay on the moon I listen like spring and talk like June. :P

[This message edited by Maia at 8:39 AM, November 11th (Monday)]

JBWD posted 11/11/2019 12:40 PM

Ok, one good pick that I CAN contribute-
“Meant to Live” by Switchfoot

Maia posted 11/11/2019 12:57 PM

Switchfoot is awesome.

MrCleanSlate posted 11/11/2019 13:24 PM

Reach the Rock - Havana 3AM
What I've Done - Linkin Park
I'm on my way - Proclaimers
I'm gonna be 500 miles - Proclaimers
I Want to Break Free - Queen
Fallen - Sarah MacLachlan
All Apologies - Nirvana
Walk - Foo Fighters
Savior - Rise Against
Welcome to Paradise - Green Day
Twist My Arm - Tragically Hip
Even in the Quietest Moments - Supertramp
Woman- John Lennon (This one is tears in my eyes thanking my BW for R).

Trust me.

leavingorbit posted 11/11/2019 13:28 PM

I say, use your music apps! When I started listening to music more again, those really helped switch things up and keep me branched out. Trying new things. I agree to be mindful that you may attach meaning to songs from the life phase you’re in. I search random genres and playlists, zydeco, norteña, high lonesome. I struggled sometimes at first. I would get stuck navel gazing and wallowing with songs like “You Had Time.”

🤦‍♀️

Broken4good posted 11/11/2019 17:47 PM

Thank you all! These are all amazing suggestions, and tons of which I already had. I am still trying some of the new suggestions out, but believe it or not just having a playlist that my AP knows nothing about makes me feel one step further, as dumb as that may sound. One more step towards being me again.

JBWD posted 11/11/2019 21:03 PM

That’s a great perspective- Clean break!!

I am enjoying lots of world music too...

JBWD posted 11/12/2019 13:54 PM

Ok, on the world music topic, I have to caution anyone who looks this up that it is, quite possibly, the MOST BEAUTIFUL melody I have heard in years. While I try to advocate against wallowing in emotion, this music is haunting- I believe the term I’m going to coin for it is “fierce joy,” beyond uplifting.

“God Yu Tekkem Laef Blong Mi,” is a hymn from the Melanesian islands of Guadalcanal. It appears in the movie “The Thin Red Line.” You can Google it or Spotify has it as well. I prefer YouTube because it has a lot of similar content of the Melanesian Brotherhood choir.

Once again I’m slightly apologetic because I think this may bring a lot of tears- Or else maybe it’s just time for meds for me...

[This message edited by JBWD at 1:55 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)]

Pippin posted 11/13/2019 16:11 PM

I do like pop music and my top three over the past year or so were Love Me Anyway by P!nk (for me), Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi (for my husband) and You Say by Lauren Daigle (for God).

But can I suggest a different genre? I've listened to some modern music carefully for rhythm shifts, chord shifts, instruments coming in or out, changes in dynamics - and at the end I realized my mind had totally cleared. Listening to a new kind of music mindfully might help.

[This message edited by Pippin at 4:49 PM, November 16th (Saturday)]

hikingout posted 11/15/2019 08:34 AM

Heard this one this morning on the country station and thought of you for a suggestion:

Better Than I Used To Be
Tim McGraw

I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can't count the people I've let down, the hearts I've broke
You ain't gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
But I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be
It's gonna be an uphill climb
Aw honey I won't lie
I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I'm cleanin' up my act, little by little
I'm getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain't as good as I'm gonna get
But I'm better than I used to be
I've pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I've got a few old habits left
But there's one or two I might need you to help me get
Standin' in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you'll see
There's a diamond under all this dust
I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I'm cleanin' up my act, little by little
I'm getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain't as good as I'm gonna get
But I'm better than I used to be
I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
But I'm cleanin' up my act, little by little
I'm getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain't as good as I'm gonna get
But I'm better than I used to be