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Checking in...life is good

lilies21 posted 11/8/2019 16:56 PM

Hello all, hope everyone is doing well! I miss this place and wish I could get on more. Thought I’d post an update while I had the time but thankfully not a lot to report! No current health issues for either of us, thankfully. DS is learning the drums, taekwondo, and things are going great with his Big Brother from Big Brothers and Big Sisters. They’ve taken to meeting at our local library a couple of times a month just to play board games and he’s trying to teach his Big Brother to play chess . I still work, volunteer, teach, and I’ve gotten fairly decent at learning the guitar and I’m trying to learn to crochet. Apparently you can teach an old dog new tricks….

I allowed myself to get set up on a date recently. We met at a restaurant and the guy spent the entire time checking out the woman in the booth across from us. I have no filter anymore so I called him out on it, put money on the table to pay my part, and walked out. Once upon a time, I would have compared every one of my features to the other woman, found all the ways I was less attractive, made myself feel worthless, and somehow figured I should be grateful for whatever little attention the man in question gave me since I was a hideous troll. Progress! I have no desire to date anyway. I would rather play with dogs at the animal shelter or sit on my deck and play my guitar.

The Asshatery continues. Asshat is not involved with DS. At all. He punches the clock for visitations but he no longer shows up for any school, sport, or Cub Scout activity. He used to at least show up for scouts because his girlfriend’s son was in the same group but now he doesn’t at all, which is a fantastic message to send to DS but definitely not unexpected. He called me back in August, sobbing that he had to find a new place to live and apparently he is moving into his own apartment this weekend. He was actually brain-damaged enough to ask me to look at the apartment with him a few weeks ago. Crickets.... Then he randomly text that he and the girlfriend are still together but he had to move out for financial reasons having to do with student loans. Crickets…. I've learned he really just likes attention. SI would be proud that I truly only respond to any of his communication if it's legitimately about DS. But the moving .... Isn’t that such a good sign of great love and responsible decision making? Such great examples they are setting for their children? I don’t know and don’t care what their reasoning is but if it’s financial, it doesn’t make a great deal of financial sense to rent and pay utilities at two places. DS is actually looking forward to this move because his dad said they’ll have more one-on-one time together. I know DS is only nine but it just breaks my heart how much his father can hurt him and DS will still ache for his attention.

That's about all here except kind of dreading the upcoming holidays. What little family I have is still scattered or toxic so the holidays are still going to be just DS and me...or just really me when he's with Asshat. Handling the holidays is the one thing that hasn't gotten much easier but everything else is so much better .

[This message edited by lilies21 at 5:00 PM, November 8th (Friday)]

NEPAlady posted 11/8/2019 17:17 PM

So good to hear from you!

You always find a way to work through the bullshit.
The progress on so many fronts is truly impressive.

Life is good and getting better.

Happy holidays to you and your son!

tushnurse posted 11/8/2019 17:36 PM


You have come such a long way.
About the holiday season please take the opportunity to create your own new traditions. Serving food at a soup kitchen. Spending time attending animals at the local shelter.
Whatever you want but make it yours. The Holiday season is about giving to those that dont have as much as we have. Blessings to you all.

Chrysalis123 posted 11/8/2019 18:39 PM

OMG, Lilies, you have come so far. Your are a champion SI-er because you worked so hard to free yourself from Ashhat and your prior "stinking thinking"

Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are a warrior-ess, and I have no doubt you will figure out how to handle the holidays.

Superesse posted 11/8/2019 20:34 PM

Lilies, Love it! I wish I had been there in that restaurant when you "...called him out on it, put money on the table to pay my part, and walked out."! (Applause!) Frankly, I was sorta semi-shocked that there are still men out there who think it is their prerogative to act like that! And I would love to know the words you used, if you can remember your lines? And to have seen what his reaction was? Priceless? You go, girl!!!

Phoenix1 posted 11/9/2019 13:46 PM

Great update, lilies! Thanks for sharing!

Lalagirl posted 11/11/2019 06:35 AM

Hi, lilies; nice to "see" you!

Great update - glad to see you're loving the guitar - music is awesome therapy, yes?

As for the jerk you promptly left in the dust...you GO with your badass self!

And Asshat...well...TBH and sadly, I'm not in the least bit surprised.



josiep posted 11/11/2019 08:49 AM

I'm so glad you posted because I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering.

I'm sad your DS still doesn't get good fathering from the parental male unit but I think you've managed the situation in the best way possible.

When are you and DS taking another FLA vacation? I'd so enjoy the company. My daughter's friend was here for the weekend with her 3 kids and I had so much fun. I'm exhausted today but in the best way imaginable. So come wear me out. :)

Planetx posted 11/12/2019 15:28 PM

Thank you for the update. I remember many of your posts from the divorce board. Your story gives me hope me and my kiddos are going to end up ok! Wishing you and DS happy drama free holidays.

deena04 posted 11/12/2019 22:45 PM

Thanks for the update. From one puppy lover to another....dogs rock. Shelter pups are super sweet and deserve love.

HalfTime2017 posted 11/14/2019 15:43 PM

Great update Lilies. Sad that our children have to deal with these real losers. Sad to see how much they would love to have a non selfish parent. Good on you for being strong and moving forward.

The Holidays will come and go quickly. If you can, go on a trip.

better4me posted 11/17/2019 16:01 PM

Lilies! So glad to hear this update! You sound so damn good and smart and so full of healthy boundaries. It truly sounds like you have your power back and isn’t that a wonderful thing❤️

steadychevy posted 11/19/2019 05:50 AM

Thanks for the update, lilies. Sounds like you rock. I don't see Asshat changing his stripes. Good thing DS has you and a Big Brother who cares.

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