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How to stop the lies?

Ozbetrayed posted 10/10/2019 00:51 AM

So I'll keep this short and sweet.

I left her over 2 years ago because of her infidelity.
Since then, it has been constant barrage of lies and false accusations.

I know that some of these accusations are made to assist her in our ugly custody battle, however she continues to lie to friends, family, police and anybody who will listen about me.

I've tried so hard to remove her ability to do this by removing myself from relationships with people who do not challenge her on her lies, but still, it still continues.

Below are some of things that she's said I've done. All of which are false

1) Physically Abused my Children (Reported to Police)
2) Physically Abused her (Police)
3) Been a controlling abusive husband (Friends, Family)
4) Repeatedly driving past her house (Police, friends, family)
5) Breaking into her mother's house ()Police, Friends, Family)
6) Following her in her car (Police, Friends Family)
7) Hiring an PI to follow her (Friends, Family)
8) Waiting for her at a bus stop and then driving off (Police)
9) Waiting for her in her office building (Police)
10) Breaking into her boyfriends house and trashing it (Police, Friends, Family)
11) Driving the children around in the city to get them to point out which building her boyfriend works in so that I can call up and get him fired (Friends, Family)
12) Stealing money from joint accounts and spending it on myself (Court, Friend, Family)

I hardly see this woman, I don't speak to her with hand-overs of the kids, I don't see her any other time. I am not interested in her life at all. I just want her to leave me the fuck alone...

We've got our final trial coming up in March 2020. I hope all this shit stops after then, but I don't know if she'll every just let me go.

I've already complained to police, I've lost so many friends because they didn't stick up for me and even become estranged from my own father to remove the benefit from her for these allegations...

Has anybody else ever dealt with this? - Will it ever stop?

WhoTheBleep posted 10/10/2019 05:48 AM

I recommend you keep your location services on your phone, if you haven't already done so, to prove you are not where she says you were at any given time.

Will it ever stop? Unfortunately, since you are raising kids with her, likely not. it sounds like she has a cluster B personality disorder. Those people cannot be cured. Document everything she says and does, along with your actual location at the time. You want to show the court patterns of behavior. Do not accuse her of being mentally ill (which she is).

Read the book Splitting: protecting yourself while divorcing someone with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. She sounds like a textbook case.

My stbx is similar, and I know he will never change. Hang in there friend. You are doing well.

I, like you, just want to be left alone. That's it. Just leave me alone.

barcher144 posted 10/10/2019 06:49 AM

Pretty much what WhoTheBleep said. It sounds like you have a Cluster B personality disorder. That's such a normal phrase for something incredibly, terribly horrible. Both of us are in a similar situation as you.

She said:

Document everything she says and does, along with your actual location at the time.

You want to show the court patterns of behavior. Do not accuse her of being mentally ill (which she is).

Read the book Splitting: protecting yourself while divorcing someone with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder.

I also recommend reading The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist, which will probably help explain a lot of the stuff that happened during your marriage.

For the most part, you simply need to go Grey Rock on her. Do not react to her stunts and lies.

You definitely need to document everything. Take notes on everything that you do during the day, especially with the kids.

You should get yourself a good digital recorder for those rare moments when you are in the same location as her.

If you have a Android phone, make sure that you leave the GPS on at all times. This is creepy, but helpful in your situation, but Google tracks where you are at all times. This could be helpful to demonstrate where you were at specific times.

Get ahold of as much of your phone records as you can. My cell phone service tells me the time and location of every phone call made or received. This allows me to confirm my location at specific times and her location at specific times. When I start cross-referencing this information with other allegations, the actual story is confirmed whereas her crazy story is refuted.

Get yourself into therapy. This shit will make you crazy. She will probably accuse you of having mental health problems soon, if she hasn't already. Protect yourself. Your therapist can be a strong witness at trial as well.

And, MOST IMPORTANTLY, take care of your kids. This shit is perhaps scarier for them than it is for you. Try to make their life as normal as possible. Do not criticize their mother. Do not discuss the divorce with them, at all.

I am in the middle of a custody evaluation... our evaluator recommended reading Mom's House, Dad's House. So far, it's been surprisingly helpful to me.

[This message edited by barcher144 at 6:52 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]

Tigersrule77 posted 10/10/2019 07:58 AM

I assume that you have an attorney who is handling the D and custody. If so, you may want to ask about how can file a RO or file harrassment charges for these false allegations.

As an example, did anyone break into her BF's apartment when she blamed this on you to police? Was there even a break-in at her mother's house? If you can document that these are false allegations, it might be of some help.

She may just be trying to do this to benefit her during the D. Hope for the best that she will lose interest after the D, but be prepared that it may not.

J707 posted 10/10/2019 08:37 AM

Isn't it funny how if all those things were actually true, she should be so happy to get rid of such an awful abusive husband. Mine did the same. A whole list of bullshit lies (abusive towards her/our kids, verbal abuse, stalker etc.) I lost friends who didn't see past the crap. Those that know me know better. I don't care what others think, I know the truth.

As for the allegations with the police, that's messed up. For her to make up some of those are so ridiculous. It's like how do you come up with this? I like the idea of GPS that google will track. Document, document, document! You have half a year until your final court date. I'm sure she'll have some more doozies by then but judges like to see things that are consistent and the truth.

Sharing kids with these crazy people sucks. Just try and keep your side of the street clean. When will it stop? I have no idea but I just try to focus on my new life with my kids. If she wants to look like a dumbass and flap her lips about crazy makings that don't make sense to friends, not much you can do. I just laugh at some of the things people have told me. Like Wow, that's a good one.

Marz posted 10/10/2019 08:43 AM

Wouldn't cost much to file slander charges.

StillLivin posted 10/10/2019 16:08 PM

You have no idea the favpr she is doing you right now. I know it doesnt seem like it. Document everything, concur with gps on at all times and recorder.
If you have proof of false accusations under oath, get a good attorney. In some states a letter telling her to cease with the false allegations can be sent. You're attorney can also send a letter to cease with the harrassment. And just keep the paper trail accumulating. This will work a case for later petitioning for full custody and a restraining order over time. If she continues and you have a restraining order, shell eventually land herself in jail.

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