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Desire for a partner

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Incarnate posted 8/29/2019 11:50 AM

Well, since DDay, I've lost close to 20 lbs (was down by 19.5, then my appetite sort of came back/I forced myself to take more than 500 calories a day) and I'm back up a few pounds. I was 282.0 on DDay, I'm 263.9 this morning.

I have been shaving my head clean for years, since I figure it's better to be bald by choice than to try to fake it with a combover or whatever... I used to have glorious hair that fell tot he middle of my back that I kept wind tied with warrior braids; it was naturally reddish blonde with streaks of platinum, brown, auburn, and black. I really do miss my hair, but just before my fifth daughter was born, it started breaking off and thinning rapidly on top, so I just buzzed it all. No way was I going to wear a mullet.

My beard is lovely and thick and full when I let it grow out, but it takes a LOT more upkeep than I feel like doing right now, so I keep it trimmed to about 1/4" long with crisp lines underneath and on my cheeks; a full beard without the fading on the edges. I'd post a picture, but I don't know the policy on that, and I'm not advertising myself here anyways.

My German, Scottish, and Irish heritage definitely outweighs my Native American; my skin is fair but tans well (if I can keep from burning to a crisp), and my eyes are strikingly blue with a yellow ring around the middle.

My biggest problem with my physique is my weight. I would not be -lean- at 240lbs, but I would definitely be more streamlined. I have a very muscular build, but I also have a body type that holds onto fat, and my diabetes does not help that at all.

So far, the only diet I have been able to do that helps at all is the ketogenic diet, which is both wonderful and incredibly boring. I keep my carbs down to 0-5 grams a day, and my weight just melts off, but there is a lot of "plateau-ing" and starts and stops. There's also not an abundance of burst energy, and the diet itself is very expensive... LOTS of meat and cheese. Food prep takes a long time, and doesn't keep well. Currently, I'm just working on fasting and calorie deficits.

I've been walking a lot more to get out of the house. In fact, I'm getting ready to do that right now. I have set up a gym in my woodshop with buckets of cement for the weights (20lbs, 50 lbs, and 100 lbs; one gallon of Quickrete weighs almost exactly 20lbs when set, which is convenient) and pulleys in the ceiling beams to lift them. I have weight bars I can snap onto them and pull/push with, to get my resistance training, but that just adds muscle for me, it doesn't really melt fat, and that's my goal. I put on size incredibly quickly, but getting it back off is a struggle and a half. Muscle comes and sticks around; I haven't consistently lifted in months and I still have some significant definition in my arms and shoulders. Unfortunately, my torso is... very dad-bod. Almost more dadblob. I can see bulges where only two of my abs are, with long hollows on either side, but I've got hella love handles.

Anyways...

I'm gonna go for a walk now. STBEW is in the house, I'm isolated in my room, and I really don't feel like sharing a roof with her right now. Two circuits around the road that circles our collection of blocks is 4.06 miles and about 700 calories burned. Then, when i get back, I'll have a salad. I've done the housework for the last few days; she can do it now.

WhoTheBleep posted 8/29/2019 16:37 PM

You sound good today,, Incarnate. I hope you enjoyed your walk!

Incarnate posted 8/29/2019 17:08 PM

I feel better today. Implementing Grey Rock and 180. Only talk about kids or household stuff. Almost slipped when I asked her where to put her K-Cups (she finally got her Keurig out of my room) and she rolled her eyes and said "Just put them on my bed I guess."

I told her that I knew that the last time I put things on her bed it upset her and I wanted to make sure to maintain respect. Took the wind out of her sails, but it was still too much. Since then, only logistics; coordinating getting kids, etc.

Walk was great, but diabetic feet don't do well with long distances. Oh well. Blood sugar is fantastic though; tested at 86 right afterwards. Finally hit my 20lbs down; 20.1 now.

WhoTheBleep posted 8/29/2019 19:51 PM

Blood sugar is fantastic though; tested at 86 right afterwards. Finally hit my 20lbs down; 20.1 now

That's fantastic! Keep doing it the healthy way. Even if you're only down a pound a week. That's the healthy way to do it.

And I'm glad you realize the conversation about the K-Cups was unnecessary. You no longer concern yourself with how she feels about anything. Don't concern yourself with showing her respect. You are gray rocking. There is no respect or emotion involved for you. You are boring as hell. Gray rock is a conscious effort at first, and you will slip up. But catch yourself, and stay the course. After a while it becomes reflex. You won't even feel your blood pressure rise when she says or writes anything to you. It's bliss.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:53 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]

WhoTheBleep posted 8/29/2019 19:56 PM

And since you will need to communicate about the kids, I recommend giving her a special ringtone and text tone. Something that will remind you she is nuts and also make you chuckle. Change her contact name to something funny and somewhat insulting. It will put into context anything she is about to say before you even read it. This has helped me immensely in dealing with my STBX. His text tone is an untuned guitar strumming. His name is "Cl Bravo" (code for Cluster B, changed so the kids wouldn't understand it. He is still their dad).

Incarnate posted 8/29/2019 20:03 PM

As an aside, WhoTheBleep, I like your Sun Tzu quote. I read it after every one of your posts.

I am more of a Miyamoto Musashi fan myself.

I have a list of quotes that I adore. Here they are;

"There is very seldom a reason to initiate rudeness." (changed from "There is never a reason...")

~Me~

"In battle, if you you make your opponent flinch, you have already won."

"Do nothing that is of no use"

"Perceive that which cannot be seen with the eye."

~Miyamoto Musashi~


"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."

"If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it."

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present."

“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”

~Marcus Aurelius~

"Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another."

~Homer~ (The Greek, not the Simpson)

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark."

~Michelangelo~

[This message edited by Incarnate at 8:05 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]

WhoTheBleep posted 8/29/2019 21:27 PM



"Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another."
~Homer~ (The Greek, not the Simpson)

^^^said every BS that ever lived.


The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark."
~Michelangelo~

I've always liked this one as well. Although sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough with my life. Hahaaa

BraveSirRobin posted 8/30/2019 18:36 PM

[This message edited by BraveSirRobin at 7:07 AM, August 31st (Saturday)]

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