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Infidelity, divorce, children, families

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Incarnate posted 8/27/2019 22:05 PM

I tried to read the whole thread, but by the time i got through the first page, honestly, the justifications of "what's the difference" were starting to make my blood boil.

Plenty of others with much more level heads than I have outlined the difference.

If my WW had just said, like she promised she would after trying to reconcile from her first affair, that she would tell me that she wanted a divorce and we could amicably separate instead of cheating/looking for other partners, then this separation would be exponentially less painful.

She instead spent the entire holiday season flirting and hiding and lying and gaslighting, and then she used the family funds to fly out to Texas and have herself a good ol' threesome orgy vacation. Now she wants to act like it was no bog deal and I'm being unreasonable for growing to hate her and her two APs.

Piss on that. Have some dignity and honor.

Striver posted 8/27/2019 22:48 PM

My XWW is remarried and I do not share my fatherhood with her husband.

I spoke with my children and told them that I am their father and their ONLY father and the the man she is married to is simply the guy she is married to.

There is nothing anywhere on earth or anywhere else that states that he is a co-father to my children.

I'll try.

In my case the AP is going to be around for the long haul. He was a friend of the ex's family before I was ever in the picture. Plus my kids are young enough where they just believe what they are told. The oldest one not so much, I guess. That crap was completely orchestrated by the ex, no doubt.

Striver posted 9/1/2019 00:04 AM

Personal update:

My DD and I were talking tonight. She said she wished the ex and I were still together. And also that the AP was with my ex as well. So that is pretty much it.

The kids are going to love the AP as family, with some degree of conflict. I will love and father my kids and take care of myself the best I can. But AP will be there and they will have a to death marriage.

As far as my romantic love goes, well I ain't got nothing holding me back. Nothing behind me now. The GF has become more special. Wife status at this point would be rarified air. I don't know that I will ever meet one that qualifies.

There was a thread a while back on keeping old photos. I still have my wedding photos. Some albums that the ex made while we were dating. I earned that, earned my time as a husband.

S0leil posted 9/2/2019 10:36 AM

My first marriage ended in divorce. There was infidelity (both before and after we got married) but there were other problems too. What caused me to finally leave was yet another DDay. I couldn’t take it anymore and moved out that same day.

We didn’t have children together, though for many years I co-parented his child (an OC he conceived during one of his many instances of cheating). Once I got past the hurt and betrayal that led to the child’s conception, I fell head over heels in love with that child. The child was my world. I was technically a “stepparent” but in reality I was far more of a parent than he was.

When I left, he forbid me to have anything to do with my stepchild or with anyone in his family. It was as if I was the one who had cheated and caused the destruction of the marriage. I knew leaving him was the right thing to do, but losing the only family that I had (I wasn’t close to my own family like I was to his) hurt beyond comprehension. It was like I was thrown away. He cheated and yet now I was the one on the outskirts cast aside as if I had never existed.

The divorce and loss of the family I had grown to love would have been a critical wound to me no matter the reason we divorced. But the fact that infidelity was also involved only increased the horrific pain and sense of rejection I felt.

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