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whatcha doing to move forward even when down

Shehawk posted 7/13/2019 09:43 AM

I am still struggling to keep breathing going through trying to just get my WS to agree to a fair 50 50 property split.

All he seems to want to do is spew every thing he hated about me and everything I did "wrong" in the relationship.

Oh, and tell me he is going to deliberately waste money fighting me in court.

I am still pretty sick with the severe late stage Lyme Disease I had when he decided to brutally discard me about 2 years ago now.

But I have set a minimal daily goal of:

listing 2 things a day on marketplace to decrease the amount of stuff I have to move when I sell the house I can no longer maintain because he went missing

weeding or weed whacking one area or side of the house a day

doing at least 5 minutes of yoga a day before bed

deeper cleaning one room of the house a day

doing one task on my do do list (find plumber, look for car cause he took both, close a joint acount)


I know this is not much but what I really feel like doing is curling up on the bathroom floor and sobbing...

What are the rest of you doing to dig out of the pit?

[This message edited by Shehawk at 9:46 AM, July 13th (Saturday)]

WhoTheBleep posted 7/13/2019 10:24 AM

Shehawk, your list and progress sounds great!! Doing any of that when you just want to curl up on the floor is a great accomplishment.

I'll add, "not drinking" to the list. I always feel better not having had a drink than I ever did after having one. It keeps your head screwed on straight. It allows positive thoughts and feelings to enter your brain, should they come along.

It's so hard, I know. I'm fighting STBX for a 50-50 split as well. He is currently controlling most of our assets, all of our rental income, and therefore is basically loaded. And still spewing hatred my way every chance he gets. I don't know what he's so angry about, I'm guessing it's the fact that I'm not the doormat I was for 19 years. He doesn't know this Bleep.

Keep going Shehawk. You're doing great.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 10:24 AM, July 13th (Saturday)]

Shehawk posted 7/13/2019 12:36 PM

Thanks Bleep!

Shehawk posted 7/14/2019 23:27 PM

Bleep so sorry about what you went through and are going through. Horrible stuff.

I really don't drink alcohol,but this kind of stuff could make numbing my mind attractive. I did have to start watching my sugar intake, and set a goal of drinking at least 2 glasses of water a day.

Small measurable attainable goals. Especially while taking medication for lyme and trying to get it back in remission.

WornDown posted 7/15/2019 11:44 AM

I know this is not much but what I really feel like doing is curling up on the bathroom floor and sobbing...

What are the rest of you doing to dig out of the pit?

Doing something is better than doing nothing.

Take those small things (baby steps) and build on them. Do one more thing a day (or even just in the week), and soon you'll find you have too much that you WANT to do, than time to do them.

Volunteer opportunities or classes at the local community college are great places to look for something to do to get out of the house and feeling down.

When I went through a really down period 18 months ago, I decided it was going to be the season (winter) of self-improvement. I found a few hobbies that I liked, or thought I'd like, and started doing things in those areas - either taking a class or volunteering to get experience.

Today, I'm really deep in one, active in another, and not really active with two other things I tried. But I gained experience and knowledge in those areas and maybe I'll go back to them one day. But now, my time is pretty full, and I'm not sitting at home staring at the walls...which was my goal.

JanaGreen posted 7/15/2019 12:35 PM

You're doing great. I love the idea of a checklist. That is the only way I ever get anything done.

Shehawk posted 7/16/2019 00:21 AM

Thanks Worn Down

I had thought of a few things I might want to do like you suggested.

I don't have a vehicle right now but getting something to drive is on my list..
He took both of them when he left. Put both in his name when he was having the affairs (my edit was adding an s to make it affairs since there were and are multiple women involved in his life) and refuses to return one.

There are several things I used to enjoy and I had thought about doing some of them....Or something new. Actually like you said doing anything to get out of the house.

I am trying to deal with the infidelity trauma without taking medication because taking more medication on top of having such severe Lyme disease is risky so appreciate everyone's ideas and support.

I find if I promise someone that I will do something, that is a motivator.
I was able to connect with a womens' shelter today and am going to start collecting personal care items and clothes for the shelter.

Thanks for the posts everyone!

[This message edited by Shehawk at 12:22 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)]

fareast posted 7/16/2019 07:40 AM

Volunteer opportunities are great. Especially those where you can get out with people, like volunteering at a festival. Itís short term, but a good distraction.

I find that at the end of the day, make a list of at least three positive things that happened or that you did that day. Good luck.

WornDown posted 7/16/2019 10:45 AM

I don't have a vehicle right now but getting something to drive is on my list..
He took both of them when he left. Put both in his name when he was having the affairs

Not to thread jack, but have you talked to you lawyer about this? I don't see how a court would allow that, especially since you would need one to get to/from a job.

That's a real dick move. I hope you the best in getting through this.


The other benefit of trying new things is you get to meet new people and (maybe) make some new friends. That definitely a win in the helping you to feel better column.

Shehawk posted 7/16/2019 22:09 PM

Not to participate in a thread jack WornDown, but taking both vehicles and refusimg to give one back when I needed to get to medical appointments is just the tip of a #$%^ iceburg of stuff he has done to me. I have described a small amount of it in my posts.

I am thinking he knows it would cost me more than the vehicles (and other stuff he took) is worth to get it back. This kind of truly brutal behavior is why I have been blindsided deer in the headlights traumatized and asked for suggestions on getting out of the pit he repeatedly tossed me during more than a year of lies, extended TT, and false R with MC that became an extension of the abuse.

I really appreciate the support in this group. Getting out and making new friends will absolutely be part of my recovery. Trying new things and volunteering is a good way to connect with people.

Volunteering at an event is a great idea. I have done that a lot in the past.

Honestly like most abuse survivors, tho, I am deep down terrified that there is something so wrong with me that he was able to do this to me so yes, baby steps.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 6:51 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)]

Shehawk posted 7/17/2019 06:57 AM

far east

yes making a list of at least 3 positive things is a good suggestion.

Thanks

and JanaGreen
Thanks for the positive words :)

I am working really hard on not feeling sorry for myself and more than anything not on him winning in the sense that he and his friends succeed in destroying me.

These are all really positive suggestions and thoughts you all sent. Thank you.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 7:03 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)]

Shehawk posted 7/26/2019 18:30 PM

anybody want to start a gratitude thread ?

working each day to find my three things!

Muggle posted 7/28/2019 01:36 AM

I don't have a vehicle right now but getting something to drive is on my list..
He took both of them when he left. Put both in his name when he was having the affairs (my edit was adding an s to make it affairs since there were and are multiple women involved in his life) and refuses to return one

Everything you owned while married is a marital asset no matter whose name is on it, unless it was an inheritance. If you have an attorney then get the DMV paperwork for the vehicles and pursue getting one vehicle, and an offset of equal monetary value. He isn't allowed by law to take what he wants. You have to get a court order preventing both parties from giving, selling or taking marital assets prior to settlement or trial.

Give yourself a big pat on the back Shehawk. When I started this process 17 months ago, I considered everyday an accomplishment. Simple things were difficult when suffering betrayal. One point for getting out of bed, another for getting dressed, and brushing my teeth...lol

There were days when my mind was so numb, and I had no sleep or peace from the turmoil I was feeling. I could barely sleep more than a few hours without waking up and before I could open my eyes I was deep in anguish again.

Once I got mad, then I got up, and started making lists. I spent countless hours on the internet researching what I needed to do. I think my lists had lists, and it kept me busy. Small steps and stop to smell the roses. You have to take care of yourself while you heal. Miracles don't happen overnight, they are hard fought, and celebrate what you've done so far. Keep a journal, and write what you feel. The anger, bitterness, relief, or whatever it is you're feeling. In 6 months look back at what you were feeling and where you were, and you'll be shocked at yourself. You will survive this, despite him, and what he's done. Nothing in life will hit you this hard, and you will realize you are STRONGER than you imagine. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR, you just don't see yourself as one yet.

Hang in there, and keep making goals. You got this!

[This message edited by Muggle at 1:36 AM, July 28th (Sunday)]

Shehawk posted 7/28/2019 20:56 PM

Thanks for the thoughts Muggle.


When I read people's stories on here, I think to myself what terrible things many of us have survived. It actually makes my blood go cold what horrible things my WS did not to mention the things the rest of you share you survived.

If there was a global apocalypse with zombies and stuff I would pick SI ers to be on my team because we are some serious survivors.

imwideawake posted 8/28/2019 08:45 AM

If there was a global apocalypse with zombies and stuff I would pick SI ers to be on my team because we are some serious survivors

And loyal and courageous!!

WE would all make an awesome team to do some kick ass stuff.

I like your idea of a gratitude list. Here's my stab at it today:

I am grateful for
1. the intrinsic love and devotion that exists in me for my family and friends (I don't actually know were my deep down knowing of what it takes to be there for someone comes from, but I'm grateful it exists, because with out it, I shutter to think of who I might be. Does that make sense)
2. My three children
3. My love for cooking. I am so grateful that I enjoy cooking. It's the gift that keeps giving. I love the process of reading through recipes, the excitement of what I'm going to make, and sharing the outcome with friends and family.

EvenKeel posted 8/28/2019 10:38 AM

I know this is not much
I disagree. I think your list sounds like plenty enough when you are battling him and Lymes!

I am sorry he is being such an azz.

I would encourage you to make sure you add fun stuff to your list. It doesn't have to be anything big - just little things you enjoy.

You keep putting one foot in front of the other - you got this!!!

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