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I just canít anymore pain

12and20years posted 6/21/2019 22:50 PM

I donít know how people do this. I am divorced now- but it still hurts to know that he ended up right back with the ow. And that they are probably going to end up happy together and with my son living with them. And he treats me like Iím old gum
on his shoe! Like I meant nothing ever. How can people treat the mother of their child like that/ how can they just throw it all away. I was that bad. I canít keep going thru this. The only thing keeping me here is my son and that I refuse go have him end up with such a fucking asshole and his whore. Iím only 45- I canít spend the next 40 years of my life feeling discarded like this. If they stay together and with having to deal with them with my son. I just canít. Itís a permanent constant reminder. Iím already on an anti depressant - I donít know how to cope with this.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/21/2019 22:59 PM

12 and 20, I am here. I see you. I read your post. I feel your pain with you. You are not alone.

Stop, close your eyes. Inhale deeply. Hold it for a couple of seconds, then exhale. Do that 10 times. I've done this many times in the past 3.5 years. It always helps. It will settle your mind and anxiety.

Life is not just about your son. There is happiness in this world for just you. You are a person. You matter. Your feelings matter. Your happiness matters. You will get through this. I'm almost 2.5 ahead of you since joining, and my healing kicked into overdrive a year ago. That was when I detached from WH. Stopped blaming myself for everything. I knew it was all him. It was a magical moment. Life has been incredible ever since. Give yourself that same chance. You will get there.

We all hate that word time. But really is the cure for this pain. Please be patient with yourself. And keep posting. We are here.

(((12and20years)))

DesertLily posted 6/22/2019 00:02 AM

No advice, just sending you hugs. I'm so sorry you're going through this pain.

(((12and20years)))

Dragonfly123 posted 6/22/2019 00:20 AM

12and20, your ex husband has been incredibly cruel to you and continues to pour salt in your wounds with his thoughtless behaviour towards your beautiful boy. I know it feels as though he has just upped and left into this new life but the life he has gone to is pure fantasy and will fall flat around him one day. Chances are one or the other if them will cheat. Chances are they wonít survive five years BUT this is irrelevant.

You and your boy matter. Your son will see the stable parent, and he will love you for it. Itís time to start living for you. Iíd sit your boy down and draw up a list of crazy things that you can both do. Go wild. Have fun. Rediscover your little family without that POS. Start small but think big. Achievements build self confidence and self esteem, the things you will have lost..

This is the beginning of a whole new world for you. You are ONLY 45, not feeling discarded comes from building your self worth and realising youíre more than just his ex wife... youíre so much more than that.

Huge huge hugs.

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/22/2019 09:01 AM

If you are depressed and feeling hopeless and on antidepressants that don't seem to be working, you need to talk to your doctor. Get yourself into IC. Take care of yourself.

You are not defined by what your asshole CH did. Ypu are not defined by your son. You are an amazing, wonderful, beautiful person all on your own. You matter because you exist. ((Hugs))

BearlyBreathing posted 6/22/2019 11:39 AM

(((12and20years). I am so sorry you are hurting. I was discarded after 25 years, too, at age 50.
It hurts. But itís now 2 years later for me and although I still have pain, it is sooooo much better now. Just the other day I actually smiled at how far I have come. For so long I didnít think I was getting much better. But now I can look back and see that I have come so far. You know how when you lose weight you don't see it, you donít see it, you don't see it.... and then one day BAM! It is totally obvious. Thatís what it was like.

So trust the process. See your doctor for AD or anti-anxiety (I took Lexapro for a year until I felt strong enough to go without), and use IC. (Iíve talked about here, but I was out of work and used an online therapist that was very affordable ($250 for a month) and so flexible. It was like journaling to my therapist. ) Exercise for your mind, spirit, and body. Itís unfair but we do have to drive our own healing, but you WILL heal. And you are still young. You said it yourself- you have 40 more years. 40!!

Sending hugs. I can see you are strong. Get help from your doc and/or therapist. Keep posting. And take care of yourself as well as you take care of your son. He needs his beautiful strong mamma and he needs to see you being the badass you are. That will show him how women should be treated and that if they are treated poorly, they WILL move on and leave the abuse behind.

You can do this. (((12and20years)))

WhoTheBleep posted 6/22/2019 11:43 AM

How are you today, 12and20?

12and20years posted 6/22/2019 12:53 PM

Thank you so much everyone- got a good night sleep and spending the day with my son. Trying not to think about my ex and what may come. I have to take care of myself and I have to take care of my son.

StillLivin posted 6/22/2019 14:27 PM

I know it hurts. BTDT. It takes a while. You'll feel like the pain will never end, then it does. Took me about a year after before I felt better AFTER the divorce was final. Unlike you, I was able to go almost 100% NC because the kids were grown. We still owned a home together, so I'd hear from asswhole about 2x a year. It might take longer because you dont have that luxury yet. But it DOES get better.
Try and focus on how happy you were capable of being before you ever met your X. I'm sure you went to the beach and relaxed by the water with the sun shining on your face. You will have those happy moments again. You just have to get through the grief first.

StillLivin posted 6/22/2019 14:28 PM

PS I was 44 when this ahit hit me. I'm happier today than I've ever been in my life.

12and20years posted 6/23/2019 19:39 PM

Barely breathing - I am
On lexapro and I go to IC every other week although I may have to bump up both the lexapro and how often I go to counseling at this point. Right now I had a great weekend with my son but here comes the low. Ex called son and he was happy and all I love you and miss to son and it just pissed me off- itís so hard to hear and see him act like heís a good person- freaking piece of shit that he is!! It makes me so mad! And I donít want to be upset around my son anymore. I had to get up and go to my bedroom in the middle of a movie cause I got upset- itís just like it was at the beginning of this nightmare. Everyone says- itíll get better the day is coming- but Iím so tired! I just want to kick the fucking smile of his face- although to be honest he never smiles when heís around me- he always looks pissed off- but the show that he puts on for my so - thatís what I want to beat of out him- and the ow- I just want to destroy her! So being the same stable decent parent and person is what you have to do which is also what makes you have to suffer even more because you donít even get the satisfaction of hurting them back! And I know itís pointmess they are incapable of really feeling. Itís the deepest cut of all. You feel all this because of people who feel nothing- no shame, no guilt nothing.

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