SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

SerJR posted 5/18/2019 12:03 PM

You may be reading this and be thinking to yourself that I made a goof in the title.

“serJR” you say, “surely you meant to write ‘The one-fuckin-eighty’”?

Well, you see... one-fuckin-eighty isn’t a thing you do.

It’s not like the soft 180 or the hard 180.

It’s a frame of mind.

It’s a state of being.

You either are one-fuckin-eighty or you aren’t.

What you do either is one-fuckin-eighty or it isn’t.

They say that there’s only four or five moments in our lifetime that really matter. Moments where you’re offered a choice and everything else falls away.
Well... this is one of them. None of us chose to be here, yet here we stand. Nothing will change that. All we can do is choose our path moving forward. And nobody else can do that for us.

So the question is – who will you be?

• When it’s all been taken away, and you throw down you gloves because that means it’s finally time to get serious – that is one-fuckin-eighty.
• When you’ve been thrown under the bus, and you just turn around and take a swing at it – that is one-fuckin-eighty.
• When fate takes a swing at you, and you tell it that it hits like a bitch – that is one-fuckin-eighty.
• When you hit the wall, and you know that it’s just wasting both your time – that is one-fuckin-eighty.
• When you know that you’re going through hell and you decide that you need to cross through it anyway – that is one-fuckin-eighty.
• When a challenge crosses your path, and you stare it down because you know you will systematically dismantle and embarrass it – that is one-fuckin-eighty.
• And when the devil stares you down, and you just smile back at him – that is one-fuckin-eighty.

It’s about realising that deep down, when you cut all the fluff away, that you are 100% verifiable, absolute badass. It’s about not putting up with bullshit and making a conscious decision to deal with it. It’s about rising above. It’s about taking a stand. It’s about making a choice.

It ain’t going to be easy. You gotta stay true – both to the person you want to be and to what you believe in.
Sometimes this means dealing with an ugly reality. Sometimes this means dealing with difficult choices. You will hurt. You will cry. You will stumble. And you will wish it were all just a bad dream.

But you will stand back up. You will lift your head. You will realise how strong you truly are. You will find hope. You will make it. You will get through it. And you will move forward to create your own future with every precious choice that you make.

Believe in yourself.

Because when you go through all this bullshit, and you realise that you will be okay – that... that... is pure one-fuckin-eighty.

The1stWife posted 5/18/2019 15:45 PM

I did the one -f’ing-eighty.

I packed a wallop of a punch - and my H completely underestimated me.

He knows better than to cross me now lol.

Needtobefree posted 5/18/2019 16:05 PM

I'm getting closer to achieving that state of mind. I needed this post. Thank you!

Chili posted 5/18/2019 16:26 PM

Great post - thanks for sharing another one with everyone here.

(And hey - good to *see* you! Dress or not.)

[This message edited by Chili at 4:29 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]

Want2BHappyAgain posted 5/18/2019 16:38 PM

**CLAPS**...BRAVO!!!

180 is the ONLY way to get YOU back !!! It might get your M back on track...or it might not...but it WILL give you YOU back !!!

minusone posted 5/18/2019 17:12 PM

Good to "see" you SerJR.... another great post!!!

ashesofkali posted 5/18/2019 19:45 PM

You're so right, serJR. One-fuckin-eighty is the bomb. After I kicked my WH to the curb, I stayed in touch with him for a while, trying to be friends with him. That's one of the dumbest things I ever did. Me being willing to listen to him talk was just giving him a venue to continue manipulating my thoughts and reality. HIs words cause me to question my own truth. Every day that I do one-fuckin-eighty is a day of clarity for me. It means I get to ask myself "What do I really think about this situation?" And I don't question the answer anymore. I'm learning to trust my gut again. What I think is real, is real.

hadji posted 5/19/2019 01:05 AM

I walked away and did not look back. If she had followed I would have taken her. But what I did was TO NOT FUCKIN LOOK BACK. That was my one-fuckin-eighty. Did it to preserve my integrity and not to control the outcome. Never to control the outcome.

The1stWife posted 5/19/2019 05:19 AM

Hadji. Great post. The 180 is not to control the outcome but to get the BS some peace and sanity.

During my H’s last Affair here was DDay2 and false reconciliation plus multiple ILYBNILWY plus he kept saying “I want a D.”

Finally in DDay2 when I found out he was still cheating - I snapped. In a calm and even tone I told him “I am divorcing you.”

And I left the room. Plan B was now in execution mode and the hard 180 was in effect. It was all about me and my sanity. I no longer cared about him or the marriage. I was done!

Funny how he immediately starts begging for another chance to reconcile.

It is hard to get the “just found out” members who are new to understand the reason for the 180. The 180 may or may not end the Affair. You have to accept it may send the CS to the AP.

But the 180 is for the CS to get space, clarity and plan a life that gets them out from under the infidelity. Whether you D or R or something in between.

seekers posted 5/20/2019 20:59 PM

Epic post. (Clapping hand emoji goes here).

BearlyBreathing posted 5/20/2019 21:01 PM

BRAVO!!

WanttToBeHappy posted 5/20/2019 21:24 PM

LOVE!!!!
My attitude since dday has been a 180.
I am worth so much more and don't fk with me and my 180. I am not your kicking post anymore. I will not take shit anymore. If you want this fkn life, then leave and have it. For me and my kids, we are strong and we will never be treated like this again.

Thank you for posting. Gave me strength.

Chaos posted 5/21/2019 11:56 AM

Standing. Slow. Clap.

Lalagirl posted 5/21/2019 12:01 PM

Fuckin' A, SerJr!

LivingWithPain posted 5/22/2019 11:51 AM

Well said sir. Well said.

Skan posted 5/22/2019 12:57 PM

And SerJR hits another one out of the park!

annb posted 5/22/2019 15:29 PM

Love this post!

Trooth posted 6/23/2019 16:10 PM

This post is everything! Thank you