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Just Found Out :
One-fuckin-eighty

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evil

 SerJR (original poster member #14993) posted at 6:03 PM on Saturday, May 18th, 2019

You may be reading this and be thinking to yourself that I made a goof in the title.

“serJR” you say, “surely you meant to write ‘The one-fuckin-eighty’”?

Well, you see... one-fuckin-eighty isn’t a thing you do.

It’s not like the soft 180 or the hard 180.

It’s a frame of mind.

It’s a state of being.

You either are one-fuckin-eighty or you aren’t.

What you do either is one-fuckin-eighty or it isn’t.

They say that there’s only four or five moments in our lifetime that really matter. Moments where you’re offered a choice and everything else falls away.

Well... this is one of them. None of us chose to be here, yet here we stand. Nothing will change that. All we can do is choose our path moving forward. And nobody else can do that for us.

So the question is – who will you be?

• When it’s all been taken away, and you throw down you gloves because that means it’s finally time to get serious – that is one-fuckin-eighty.

• When you’ve been thrown under the bus, and you just turn around and take a swing at it – that is one-fuckin-eighty.

• When fate takes a swing at you, and you tell it that it hits like a bitch – that is one-fuckin-eighty.

• When you hit the wall, and you know that it’s just wasting both your time – that is one-fuckin-eighty.

• When you know that you’re going through hell and you decide that you need to cross through it anyway – that is one-fuckin-eighty.

• When a challenge crosses your path, and you stare it down because you know you will systematically dismantle and embarrass it – that is one-fuckin-eighty.

• And when the devil stares you down, and you just smile back at him – that is one-fuckin-eighty.

It’s about realising that deep down, when you cut all the fluff away, that you are 100% verifiable, absolute badass. It’s about not putting up with bullshit and making a conscious decision to deal with it. It’s about rising above. It’s about taking a stand. It’s about making a choice.

It ain’t going to be easy. You gotta stay true – both to the person you want to be and to what you believe in.

Sometimes this means dealing with an ugly reality. Sometimes this means dealing with difficult choices. You will hurt. You will cry. You will stumble. And you will wish it were all just a bad dream.

But you will stand back up. You will lift your head. You will realise how strong you truly are. You will find hope. You will make it. You will get through it. And you will move forward to create your own future with every precious choice that you make.

Believe in yourself.

Because when you go through all this bullshit, and you realise that you will be okay – that... that... is pure one-fuckin-eighty.

Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

posts: 18630   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2007   ·   location: Further North than South
id 8380089
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 9:45 PM on Saturday, May 18th, 2019

I did the one -f’ing-eighty.

I packed a wallop of a punch - and my H completely underestimated me.

He knows better than to cross me now lol.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14772   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8380149
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Needtobefree ( member #69505) posted at 10:05 PM on Saturday, May 18th, 2019

I'm getting closer to achieving that state of mind. I needed this post. Thank you!

posts: 53   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2019
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Chili ( member #35503) posted at 10:26 PM on Saturday, May 18th, 2019

Great post - thanks for sharing another one with everyone here.

(And hey - good to *see* you! Dress or not.)

[This message edited by Chili at 4:29 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Took off flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2242   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8380167
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 10:38 PM on Saturday, May 18th, 2019

**CLAPS**...BRAVO!!!

180 is the ONLY way to get YOU back !!! It might get your M back on track...or it might not...but it WILL give you YOU back !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6673   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8380171
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 11:12 PM on Saturday, May 18th, 2019

Good to "see" you SerJR.... another great post!!!

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8372   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8380186
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ashesofkali ( member #56327) posted at 1:45 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2019

You're so right, serJR. One-fuckin-eighty is the bomb. After I kicked my WH to the curb, I stayed in touch with him for a while, trying to be friends with him. That's one of the dumbest things I ever did. Me being willing to listen to him talk was just giving him a venue to continue manipulating my thoughts and reality. HIs words cause me to question my own truth. Every day that I do one-fuckin-eighty is a day of clarity for me. It means I get to ask myself "What do I really think about this situation?" And I don't question the answer anymore. I'm learning to trust my gut again. What I think is real, is real.

Me: 54yo former BW, divorced, no kids

Him: Deleted

posts: 131   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2016   ·   location: New Mexico
id 8380229
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hadji ( member #57945) posted at 7:05 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2019

I walked away and did not look back. If she had followed I would have taken her. But what I did was TO NOT FUCKIN LOOK BACK. That was my one-fuckin-eighty. Did it to preserve my integrity and not to control the outcome. Never to control the outcome.

Me: 27 BS (at the time of the A)
Her: 25 x-fiancée (Definite EA. Could have been PA)

posts: 153   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Europe
id 8380286
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:19 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2019

Hadji. Great post. The 180 is not to control the outcome but to get the BS some peace and sanity.

During my H’s last Affair here was DDay2 and false reconciliation plus multiple ILYBNILWY plus he kept saying “I want a D.”

Finally in DDay2 when I found out he was still cheating - I snapped. In a calm and even tone I told him “I am divorcing you.”

And I left the room. Plan B was now in execution mode and the hard 180 was in effect. It was all about me and my sanity. I no longer cared about him or the marriage. I was done!

Funny how he immediately starts begging for another chance to reconcile.

It is hard to get the “just found out” members who are new to understand the reason for the 180. The 180 may or may not end the Affair. You have to accept it may send the CS to the AP.

But the 180 is for the CS to get space, clarity and plan a life that gets them out from under the infidelity. Whether you D or R or something in between.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14772   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8380313
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seekers ( member #46706) posted at 2:59 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2019

Epic post. (Clapping hand emoji goes here).

I teach people how to treat me by what I will allow.

posts: 291   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2015   ·   location: U.S.
id 8381108
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:01 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2019

BRAVO!!

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6488   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8381109
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WanttToBeHappy ( member #70172) posted at 3:24 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2019

LOVE!!!!

My attitude since dday has been a 180.

I am worth so much more and don't fk with me and my 180. I am not your kicking post anymore. I will not take shit anymore. If you want this fkn life, then leave and have it. For me and my kids, we are strong and we will never be treated like this again.

Thank you for posting. Gave me strength.

Dday 2/2019. LTA admission
I am the BS. He betrayed me and 3 kids.
Trying to R but still in survival mode.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Mar. 28th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8381117
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 5:56 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2019

Standing. Slow. Clap.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 4028   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8381365
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 6:01 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2019

Fuckin' A, SerJr!

2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8905   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8381370
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LivingWithPain ( member #60578) posted at 5:51 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2019

Well said sir. Well said.

Me - 39; WW - 36
Married 13 years
1 Adopted Son age 18
Still married and living together: attempting to reconcile.

posts: 1072   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2017
id 8382004
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 6:57 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2019

And SerJR hits another one out of the park!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:29 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2019

Love this post!

posts: 12239   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8382136
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Trooth ( new member #70820) posted at 10:10 PM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

This post is everything! Thank you

posts: 1   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2019
id 8396760
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