SurvivingInfidelity.com® > General

layla1234 posted 5/15/2019 07:11 AM

Today is our 8th anniversary. First anniversary since DDay. On this day last year, I didn't get so much as a card because he was too involved with COW. WH is being sweet and loving, but I'm just sad. I want to pretend like it's a normal day to keep from crying. Will I ever be happy on this day again??

[This message edited by layla1234 at 7:19 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 5/15/2019 07:20 AM

If you truly R, you can be happy again. Our 19th anniversary is coming up. I'm looking forward to it. I've also already been thinking about what to do for our 20th.

layla1234 posted 5/15/2019 07:28 AM

I just struggle with the idea that she basically has been around our entire marriage. He started his job working with her shortly after we married. So they had been "friends" for our whole marriage even though I never liked her. Still lots of questions surrounding their relationship but I've made peace with the fact that I'll never know the full truth. I just have to keep reminding myself to look at the man he is now and how our relationship is today.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 5/15/2019 08:19 AM

Well then Dear Lady...look at today as the first anniversary of just the two of you . You are FREE of the COW!!! I think I would go and have a big juicy STEAK to celebrate it. Make sure you stick a fork in it to show you are DONE with her in your M FOREVER !!!

The thing is...today is what YOU make of it . YOU have that super power Dear Lady! Where your thoughts go...your feelings will follow . You can pick up the crying tomorrow. For TODAY...just have FUN. You deserve it... and a little break is much needed every now and then .

Followtheriver posted 5/15/2019 08:27 AM

Be kind to yourself today. Is there any chance that you could treat yourself to something special? Maybe a new haircut, a manicure and pedicure? Anything that would make you feel good about being you because you are absolutely fabulous, just remember that.

Thissucks5678 posted 5/15/2019 09:12 AM

If I remember right, I cried on the way to the restaurant on our first anniversary post dday. We had a big miscommunication on our second anniversary post dday and although we had a pretty good time on our 3rd anniversary post dday - it was a major letdown for me and I was really disappointed in my WH. This upcoming anniversary I’m actually thinking about renewing our vows. We’ll see if I go through with it or not. I think you can be happy on this day again - I’m 95% sure I will be happy on my next one.

It does it get better. I think sometimes after dday, we put so many expectations on days and ourselves and our waywards that there is no possible way to live up to what we’ve built up in our head - at least that’s what I do. I’ve found over the years the best thing to do is clearly state what your expectations are and do not secretly hope for more.

As for the anniversary itself - only you can decide if you want to celebrate it or not. Some people do, some people don’t. It’s a personal choice really. I had to celebrate it to keep up the facade for my kids - but I’m glad I did. We are still married after all. At this point it is quite an accomplishment. No matter what, do something kind for yourself today. What you are going through can seem unbearable at times. Be nice to yourself. It’s ok to cry and feel and maybe write in a journal about what you are feeling. A nice dinner would be icing on the cake - but if you’re not feeling a fancy restaurant - take out would be good too. Do whatever you need to do to get through.

layla1234 posted 5/15/2019 09:23 AM

He keeps sending me I love you texts. I told him I'm trying to pretend its a normal day, but would not be opposed to a cheesecake factory dessert tonight. We are celebrating this weekend by going on a date, but for some reason today is harder than I anticipated.

Chaos posted 5/15/2019 09:55 AM

I hear you.

I have a milestone anniversary in 2019 and would prefer it not exist.

In 2017 my first one since DDay [the only I thought at the time] I pretended it didn't exist and took myself on a lunch date.

In 2018 I just had DDay2 [what I thought was just broken NC] and we talked about the possibility of a future together. No cards, dinner, celebration - but did say we knew what day it was. I had a horrible vibe though. DDay3 happened that same month when I realized it had been underground all along.

2019 - I want to pretend it doesn't exist. I also know it is a milestone and ...I don't know.

BUT - the point to my ramblings - be kind to yourself layla1234. Can you do something nice for yourself? A spa day? A trip [day or overnight]? A nice meal at your favorite restaurant? Because no matter what the state of your marriage - you need to be celebrated. You are a survivor. And that's pretty bad a** to me.

So I raise my coffee mug to you [you'll get a wine glass later I promise] and say Happy layla1234 Day!

And ... get that Cheesecake Factory dessert. Have them add extra chocolate syrup. If they spell out words with it that you don't want to see - just drag that fork on through it and eat that chocolate syrup with a radiant smile.

have fun your weekend date - I hope you do something you enjoy.

crazyblindsided posted 5/15/2019 13:04 PM

(((layla1234))) the first one after D-Day is the hardest. Be kind to yourself. If you properly R I'm sure you will have more positive experiences.

Unfortunately for me the day means absolutely nothing to me now and I would prefer to never celebrate it again. My WS thinks otherwise go figure

timespent posted 5/15/2019 16:45 PM

Hey Layla, I don't remember my first anniversary after dd 2. I think we went out to dinner but it's all just a blur really. Be kind to yourself you've been through a lot. Don't forget to share how you feel with your spouse if you want to. Perhaps he could share some of the burden of this angst ridden day and relieve you of stress. It will get better, although it's a long haul. I'm sure you already know this. Sending you best wishes, he's lucky to have you!!

sisoon posted 5/16/2019 10:04 AM

Our 4th post-d-day anniversary was 45 months after d-day, and I celebrated that one, and the ones since then, with my W. I pretended to celebrate at 33 months (the 3rd post-d-day anniversary), because we were with family who didn't know of the A, but 33 months wasn't enough time for me.

Your timeline will probably be different from mine, but if R works, you'll probably celebrate again.

The first one, though ... I told my W I didn't know if we were M for 9 months or 44 years.... The first one was tough.