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PearlyBaker posted 5/1/2019 13:47 PM

Talk me off my crazy ledge. I’ve got the OW’s fathers FB page pulled up and am 2 seconds away from telling Daddy his princess — a former friend of mine — has been involved with my husband, her coworker who they probably have heard about for over 2.5 years. I think they should know since he claims she is suicidal and that is why he continued to see her because he was concerned for her safety.

Chances are he’s lying because, well look at his track record. But if she is in all a danger to herself and does have the anxiety he claims she has then letting her family know is what should be done. Right?

ibonnie posted 5/1/2019 13:59 PM

Just state the facts --

Hi Joe Smith,

Just thought you should know, my husband and your daughter have been having an affair for the last 2.5 years. She's contributed to the destruction of a family. According to my husband, now that he's ended the affair, she's expressed suicidal thoughts.

I just thought you should know, as she obviously needs some support during this time, and perhaps the married man that has lied to her for the past couple of years is not the best person to provide it.

Best,
PearlyBaker

[This message edited by ibonnie at 2:01 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

heartwords posted 5/1/2019 13:59 PM

Sorry, I don't know if I can talk you off the ledge because I feel like doing the same thing outing the OW to her entire family, I've also found all their information, but I worry she would try to do things to destroy my business (write fake reviews, etc.) knowing that it was from me. Her A with my WS was secret, I believe she was embarrassed by it so never told anyone, which makes me want to out her more but I don't know how to do it without her finding out it was me, otherwise I'd already have done it!

I guess you can ask yourself what it would accomplish for you if you did that?

sewardak posted 5/1/2019 14:09 PM

I did and I’m glad.

cocoplus5nuts posted 5/1/2019 14:13 PM

It always recommended to out the A to everyone. I like ibonnnie's words.

layla1234 posted 5/1/2019 14:17 PM

I wish I had the guts to do this. OW's mother helped us buy our first home. She preapproved our loan in 2011. She probably doesn't remember that. I have a feeling her parents know though, because she stayed with them when OBS kicked her out for a month after Dday. She is an only child and her parents seem pretty well off. WH came from nothing. A true Romeo/Juliet story.

PearlyBaker posted 5/1/2019 14:29 PM

ibonnie,

I may just have to cut and copy this word for word.

Thank you!

ibonnie posted 5/1/2019 14:36 PM

I guess you can ask yourself what it would accomplish for you if you did that?

Exposure is one of the best/most effective ways to kill an affair/wake a WS up from their (I know this is controversial) "affair fog."

It's easy to pretend they're star-crossed lovers with their romantic, illicit secret.

It's another thing when people are judging them for their heinous, hurtful actions, and now people are looking at them differently and questioning whether or not they want to remain friends with a cheater and if they should be worried about them making a pass at their spouse.

I think deep, deep, deep down most cheaters realize what they're doing is wrong, and that's why they're so scared of their affair(s) being exposed. It's a lot harder to remain in denial that you're a good person when everyone in the office now knows your promotion is really because you sucked the boss's dick, not because you're such a valuable and important employee.

OneInTheSame posted 5/1/2019 18:21 PM

My wife made her ex-girlfriend(AP) promise one thing when they started sneaking around: no one must find out! Not family. Not friends. No one. Or it would end.

About a month or so into the 6 month affair my wife says she found out that AP had been teasing her family about someone she was seeing and pretty much outed herself. I think she was so pleased with herself for “getting Ms.OITS” back into her life that she couldn’t help it! And I guess they all expressed fear that she was going to get hurt. These people all knew me: we had broken bread on various occasions. Over the years I had made peace with the whole ex-thing, as long as there was distance and no kind of relationship. Not one of them expressed any kind of empathy for me, the betrayed wife and acquaintance.

I asked my wife why she didn’t end it at that time, as adamant as she was about secrecy. I guess her ex/AP did the tearfully sobbing thing and my wife gave in immediately. To this day I still don’t buy that an emotional attachment wasn’t growing, or being rekindled.

So being as the AP’s family knew, I wanted to out her on Facebook. I wanted to message every single person on her friends list and tell them what she was. But all that would do for me, I realized, was admit I married a cheat. I am sure their common friends took sides during their volatile break-up a couple years before we met, and no doubt that might have also backfired on me.

I did, however, message her mom, telling her that, while she sat down the hall from AP’s bedroom drinking her afternoon cocktail, her daughter initiated sex with my wife. And I messaged her sister, advising her that they had used her bed while AP was house-sitting — and entertaining my wife!

And then I blocked them both, along with AP and her other siblings.

It is too late to out her now, but should I run into one of her family or friends now, I would not hesitate to give them an earful. Hopefully that will never happen.

inthedark99 posted 5/1/2019 18:47 PM

do it. and because ibonnie’s post is just simply brilliant, copy and paste that bad boy and call it the day. surely doesn’t get much easier than that.

nomudnolotus posted 5/1/2019 19:21 PM

I did it and I'm glad. She was the HR manager at my husbands work. I was going to school for HR. I got her to add me to her fb on the pretext of some HR questions, I had not confirmed the affair yet. The next day they met up, I followed, caught them, went home, and messaged her parents, siblings, and about thirty of her friends, pretty much what ibonnie's message said. My husband was pissed, she was pissed. NEVER regretted it for a moment.

Hurtbeyondtime posted 5/1/2019 20:15 PM

PearlyBaker..
I did call her out to her mother... but she already knew and was ecstatic that she had finally met a nice guy.. I ripped into her and asked her what kind of mothywas she? And then remembered that the SOW was a bastard. So of course mentioned that it’s obvious how she reared her children with out decorum or respectful of marriage since she herself was a mistress.
Unfortunately I should have outed her on FB but the the sow 🐖 had blocked me already.
The disturbing part was how her mother would refer to my fWH as if he was part of the family. According to him they had never met but I don’t believe him either.
Sickos all of them 🤮

Hurtbeyondtime posted 5/1/2019 20:16 PM

Oh and let us know how it goes!!! Put on your Bitch 👢
Good Hunting!!

Marie2792 posted 5/2/2019 04:59 AM

Do it. Stick to facts and try to not be emotional about it. OW in my case was a stranger before the A. I found her parents on Facebook and sent them messages. Also sent a letter to her mother, who is two years older than me.

They didn’t reply but when I showed up on OWs doorstep, her mother invited me in for coffee after realizing “oh you’re the one that wrote me that letter.”

Special kind of family they were, but at least they know what their daughter is.

Chaos posted 5/2/2019 13:58 PM

ibonnie said it. Copy and paste that.

You very well may save a life, as well as allow that saved life to get much needed help much as well as allow her loved ones to truly know how to offer help.

If there is any fall out - put up your umbrella, don a hazmat suit and let it bounce off of you. Then enjoy a glass of wine. You didn't cause this shit storm.

emergent8 posted 5/2/2019 16:25 PM

I wanted to do this but only because I wanted to shame OW. In fact, I thought about it daily for months. I wanted her parents and OBS parents to know that their precious daughter/DIL was a selfish whore. I didn't do it for a number of reasons, but mostly because I had already outed her to OBS and wanted to take the high road.

onthefence123 posted 5/2/2019 17:11 PM

I was contemplating it for a long time and definitively decided I am not going to, just today. I have had things happen with POSOW being a bitch that include POSOW sending WH a letter and wanted her to pay for being a mate poacher.

As of today, I’m extending a little grace because I know that POSOW and her OBS are trying to reconcile. They are selling their home, too—they screwed in both their house and ours. Believe me, I really don’t even understand my own logic here because I hate her. But I think I feel empathy for OBS because he and I are in the same place, right? I’m guessing he’s trying to figure out what he can deal with because his road has been rough. Just about 5 months ago, 6 months after OBS’s DDAY, POSOW still wanted nothing to do with OBS, he told me. And now he’s also losing his home that he was VERY proud of.

I just don’t want to wreak more shitty havoc on him. He has kept his silence for a reason known to him, so for now, I’m respecting that for him. Up until today, all evidence pointed to her still pining for my WH and wouldn’t get lost. I honestly believe she would have happily left her husband if mine said he wanted her and I do believe OBS is plan B. POSOW is stupid and gullible. BUT, if OBS wants reconciliation or wants to give himself time, then I just don’t want to look like the crazy one here that won’t leave it alone. POSOW is not my problem, my WH is.

DebraVation posted 5/2/2019 17:45 PM

You know what? I'd do it, and I wouldn't hold back on the horrible details either.

When my MIL was messaging me about not breaking up the family and so on, I did break it to her that it wasn't some random kiss or fumble 'that just happened' we were talking about here. Nope. It was all planned out, and her son had been busy shagging OW in public and on MIL's sofa. She said it was 'hard to read'. No kidding, it was hard for me too .

She did it, she can face up to it and live with consequences. Until some people are beaten about the head with what they's ACTUALLY done, they'll never be sorry. Because, you know, none will get hurt because noone will know.

For the avoidance of doubt I say go for it.

PearlyBaker posted 5/18/2019 17:05 PM

I sent the messages to her family and just posted an update thread!!

Thanks for all your help!